Reviews for Torrent Series
Kallios the Scholar chapter 1 . 6/14/2012
Okay, this looks... well, I'll be honest and say mediocre.

Spelling and grammar looks really good so far. Nothing wrong with that. I applaud you, honestly. Just don't capitalize the word "Halberd" because it's a weapon, not a person.

This is a period in time where women weren't usually allowed into any sort of command. Lady Seren from the Stronghold game was an exception, but she was one of the BAD guys who rebelled AGAINST the king. I have no idea where Aleah learned to fight with a sword, but the skill would have compromised her virtue as a noblewoman. Really. People were like that back then. All that rampant sexism...

Still trying to be polite here. Why didn't Aleah have guards with her in the throne room? She's the daughter of a king, so OF COURSE her rivals would be trying to assassinate her and win the throne for themselves. Therefore, guards. Preferrably highly trained. If her father loved her enough to make her the ruler when he died, then he would want her to be well protected.

Right, well, that's all I have so far. My suggestion is to do a little research into the Middle Ages and see what you come up with. Stay away from the warfare and just look at the way people LIVED back then. I'm not trying to flame you or criticize the way you write. This is an impersonal analysis and an attempt to make suggestions to help improve your writing.

Kallios