|Reviews for Eagle's Fall|
| Gustavius3 chapter 7 . 1/22
Well now it would be a pity if this tale was defunct...
| NightWithMoon chapter 7 . 7/3/2014
This is a very interesting story... but I find it too slow and tedious. Honestly I'm more about the civilization building that the individuals and details of events... That's just my personal taste.
| Arekanderu chapter 9 . 4/19/2014
Nice. It's been many years since I played C&C and this was fun
| Guest chapter 9 . 4/14/2014
I loved this story, but what is going to become of that techno-disease? Many troopers were introduced to it through the gore in that final battle, and I doubt that those were the only infected in those sewers.
| Ganheim chapter 7 . 2/18/2014
of the a earliest stages
Understand?" The officer opened
[Source Mixing: It’s best for clarity in your writing to break to a new paragraph when you break to a new character. Normally you’ve been fairly good at that, but some incidents happen and ones like this throw off the feel of the scene. You’re not mixing dialog in the same paragraph, which is the most annoying mistake I’ve seen, but it’s still one character’s action in a different character’s paragraph when Character B has his own paragraph]
"I stand corrected. Seven fingers
[Brutal, though I’m actually surprised this didn’t happen a while ago. GDI and Nod never got along]
to strike a final blow against the occupiers before their twenty four hour window closed
[Reminds me of the final battles of WW1, the charges ordered even after the treaties had been signed]
it was generally referred to as the 'Grinder
[The watercooled machine guns in WW1 were named the “Devil’s Paintbrush”]
harder to put down permanently
[‘to put down’ alone seemed to do the job fine]
firing her sonic blaster point-blank
[I thought the IFF prevented fire. Unless the Orca pilot sent out a repainting of the IFFs, though I didn’t think they had the command and communication infrastructure to do so anymore]
though his still had half a head on
only for the boot of the Hierarchy military to crush it
[An odd stance for a hierarchy to take, given that implication was this ‘discover and conquer’ being their standard doctrine for centuries]
We cannot establish contact them."
soon as he exit FTL
one shape that was universal
[It’s not the shape so much as size, in the case of a dreadnaught]
An extremely interesting story – I think that the counter-invasion was somewhat poor of a decision of the characters given the obvious situation and the possibility of the Turian officers to be able to order a hasty evacuation before GDS could actually get there. Still, canon ME never clearly says what happens in the aftermath so it’s a possibility. I think that some acknowledgement of camouflaged bastions besides Frank Company would’ve been more realistic (it also would’ve strengthened the last GDI assault on the Turian column marching on the capital). Still, a good story for the most part.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 2/18/2014
with the apparent death of Cain
relatively simply data
discovery of the 'tacitus' data module
[Odd, the tacitus was a part of the story in Tiberian Sun, not only Firestorm]
retaliatory ion stroke
transforming the surrounding area into a Red Zone
[I’m pretty sure red zones existed prior to the ion cannon strike – though I’ll bet that didn’t help anything]
and the GDI's control
[Normally the ‘the’ is dropped and GDI is just referred to as an entity]
7th's camouflage was still largely intact
[While visual camouflage might be extremely cohesive, it’s up against enemies that (if they have more brain cells than room temperature in the winter) have sophisticated computers and aerial drones or at least recon with pattern recognition and thermal sensors that would at the very least identify sources of incoming fire, if not artificial patterns like trenches. Granted, those can be obfuscated, especially with the combination of certain muffling systems and overhanging shielding, but still…]
reshaped the geography of the area
[I love the portrayal, though “of the area” adds more words than necessary. This being a battle scene, brevity is a good thing]
Its weight was so great that it required hover turbines built into its underside to help support its weight
[I’m pretty sure that hover turbines can only help light units which start off at the point of being able to use them for their intended purpose. Something extremely heavy would have to rely on grinding along on wheels or treads]
You can't be out in the open if they have orbital supremacy
[There goes use of the MARV, though depending on how effective the camouflage is at both optic and thermo-protection the Juggernaughts might have remained useable if they were tucked away somewhere. Counter-fire batteries will still inevitably find them (we’ve got some pretty good systems in place nowadays, and undoubtedly that radar-backtracking weakness isn’t something that will be eliminated a hundred years from now)]
because it was the single most powerful unit they had
[And it is the least able to hide from orbital sensors]
and could track them using their communications
[Technically this can even be done without decoding the network – knowing your enemy is there isn’t as useful as knowing what they’re doing, but it still allows indirect fire]
fleet could only rely on little else
[A little wordy for an emotionally intense point. “fleet could only rely” says the same thing in fewer words, which typographically enhances the action and tension of the situation narratively portrayed]
since wired communications went down
[Odd, wired communications are difficult to disrupt without direct damage, wireless can be jammed, or disrupted with software disruption]
"Cover her ears
[I would think the safest (maybe only) option would be to send them out until the combat is over, that way incoming fire wouldn’t chance killing them]
without rendering it completely ineffective
[Or maybe more accurately ‘wild’, as the weapon would still fire on a zone trooper (or even smaller unit if on a mount or bipod)]
Zone troopers among the remaining troops
[repetition of ‘troop’, given that you’re starting to broaden your focus I think the more generic ‘soldiers’ would work for the second]
the GDI's superior firepower
[GDI acts as a name as well as just organization identifier, so ‘the’ seems awkward]
Tawodi couldn't help but pause to glance
[This contradicts the earlier (and quite fitting I think) idea of the combat being so frenzied that if somebody else was in the room they would not occupy awareness of the marksman]
but but only because there was
was their widespread possession of energy weapons
[I don’t know if their ion cannons are ‘widespread’. While they made a man-portable one in C&C: Renegade I think those were all game ploys because the smaller ones are never referred to and no Ion Cannon tank is ever made, it remains a strategic weapon from C&C1 to C&C3]
turian military would continued
simply pounded through
[I would think that the solidity and deflective properties would mean that such a basic attack wouldn’t be enough, especially for a vehicle that was smaller than the target tank]
seeing as intact tank plating probably would have sooner damaged the autocannons
[Is this saying the autocannons punched through damage caused by the MOD-3?]
Welcome to the insurgency
[I would’ve figured they’d call it a resistance or something with a more generally positive spin. “insurgency” is typically what you call an intended enemy]
plainly see the irregular pattern of the man's retinas
[Wouldn’t cybernetic ones be too regular, not irregular (which is typically a sign of organic, natural growth)?]
I can pull rank on you now
[I would think with Reese being a specialist and Findlay only having been a private, the specialist ranks higher and would seem closer to next in line]
was serious communications disruptions
commando program's 22% fatality rate
[I think the number was around 15%, but even so that’s not a big difference and it still points towards the danger commandos live through]
Commandos were not taught arrogance for their skills: rather, they were more closely in tune with their limitations than most could ever hope to be
[A very interesting perspective]
He had arrived only just as the counter-charge began
[Given the chaos of an unfolding close-quarters city battle here, I would’ve expected Locke to pick off a few turians. The sheer numbers are still against them, but exactly how much isn’t clear and hence it ends up feeling a little off that Locke just seems to sit there and watch Willis’ company cut to shreds]
And a massive explosion, of course. Willis would have approved of that, too
[When in doubt…C4]
"They're clearing out buildings as they move into the city
[An excellent way to free up artillery and airstrike targets from collateral damage]
Anders, but it didn't much matter to Anders
[Repetition of name and sentence structure, “him” would’ve worked fine]
three sped off in opposite directions
[“separate”, as opposite implies only 2]
If the had, Anders
fell face-first onto the helipad. Fortunately, a crewman managed to break his fall
[He would only fall *towards* the helipad if somebody breaks his fall, otherwise it’s not an ‘onto/into’]
I'd things weren't going
she not a target
across the level
[You already state in almost these exact words in the previous segment, I’d just leave it at that and drop these words]
He did rise, nor
engine it ran could hold
If they're frustrating
[I felt this was the mark hit – it was like being vague for the sake of being vague, the very fact that there’s more story text not part of the other characters, but nothing is even implied. The cyborgs aren’t even a terribly important point story-plot-wise, which makes the unique focus a little odd (not bad per se, just not helping the greater story)]
but it's worse than that if it gets shot down
[‘than that’ seems to muddle an otherwise straightforward idea]
silenced by this tricks.
[No idea what this was supposed to mean]
thus not work time-consuming
Commander Ulthwe Saim felt as if he'd been hit by a train, died, and gone to a hell where he was condemned to be continuously hit by trains. It puzzled him, especially because he couldn't recall having committed any train-related offenses during his life that would make that particular hell a suitable punishment
[The thought is funny as hell]
Saim could barely hear the cry of 'Go
[Given the descriptions, I’d think he’d more see the words mouthed than spoken]
It to them words that drove
[It spoke? Either way the sentence phrasing is more awkward than I think helps]
| Guest chapter 9 . 2/4/2014
This was actually really really good, though I'm annoyed that the remaining lockes story was left so unfinished.
| Mechconstrictor chapter 9 . 1/2/2014
Nice idea for a story and we'll written. Unfortunately, that is all I can say on this story. The main plot of the story doesn't appeal to me. And I feel that the being you added to the story in the last chapters was unneeded. That may be just because there isn't enough information on what it is.
| metaladdict chapter 9 . 12/15/2013
He I read the fic in one go, it was awesome keep it up
| General Evil chapter 5 . 10/18/2013
Perhaps the GDI should throw a little Tiberium on the Asari and Turian worlds. Spread the joy!
| Syls chapter 9 . 10/15/2013
I loved it, and I'm now eager to go read the continuation. Great work.
| Nightwing chapter 9 . 9/25/2013
I really enjoyed the story. You did a good job in writing it. My thanks go to you for doing a good job, also thanks to the beta, proofreaders and other people who helped you behind the scenes.
Can hardly wait to start on the sequel, see you there!
An Avid Reader
| Guest chapter 9 . 8/27/2013
I know this ia old but for your future stires tgis how a military radio conversation worka.
Hollywood six this is looter 6 come in over.
This is hollywood six what is it over
I need airsupport in the city over.
Roger airsupport ia in route over.
Thanks hollywood six. Out.
You do not say over and out
| McPoopin chapter 9 . 8/5/2013
| BrazeRancor chapter 9 . 5/27/2013
Very well done. Equal parts tense and thrilling, a real pleasure to read.