|Reviews for bella and jasper foever at last!|
| juliamarie13 chapter 1 . 9/13/2014
Thanks for the killer migraine #1
#2 Maybe this could be the very beginning of a work that might just be passable, if you change 99% of it. Even after that I'm not sure, mostly because I didn't read past the first paragraph.
#3 Please just do something with it like delete it, hire a person to fix it, I don't care. Just save the people reading it in the future, headaches and annoyed commenting. I swear this is bothering me so much I will PERSONALLY fix it for you, just because that's how annoying it is.
| Lilystar of Dauntless chapter 1 . 11/1/2013
This was... Horrible. It gave me a headache. Look, sister, this is what ya gotta do: Learn spellcheck, realise this isn't a text message, use full stops and capitals and speech marksC paragraphs dude! Please, just fix it. Its a good plot but you just need a beta.
| RaeBrookee chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
1. I have a headache ( your falt , THANK YOU) 2 .what are you 3?
3. Pick up a book sometime it'll help
4. This is the DARK VISIONS archive not twilight
5. GET THE FUCK OFF FANFICTION WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE
| Concerned reader chapter 1 . 7/2/2013
I'm sorry. But is this a joke? You seriously lack any plot development, grammar, spelling, and punctuation. The story itself isn't even In the correct category. Honestly, It needs A LOT of work. Basically, you have an idea, but the whole thing needs to be rewritten. The sentences are complete run-ons. There is no differentiation between dialog and story. Mostly every word is spelled wrong. There is no use of correct punctuation. It will take a lot to get this story to sound good. But I like the idea, my advice would be to get help from a beta or a writer taking ideas. Sorry I can't be of more help, but this story is in need of a professional.
| Raya chapter 1 . 5/26/2013
wow just wow. it gave me a headache reading it. I like the plot it is really good, but it's really confusing because of the punctuation and grammar mistakes just take your time and proofread this is writing not texting ok if you can work on the other stuff you will have a good story on your hands!
| VillainsYouCantHelpButLove chapter 1 . 4/16/2013
Wow. I have a headache and I didn't even read half of that. Just wow.
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/9/2013
WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS? IT IS A GOOD STORY BUT DID A 4YEAR OLD WHAT THe FUCK IS "SLET?!" two words proof read
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/12/2013
This was a load of crap. I don't think writing is for you. Try school!
| Lyli Salvatore Volturi chapter 1 . 11/25/2012
| PrincessPurplee chapter 1 . 8/16/2012
What the fuck did I just read?
| No chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
Your writing is horrifying and terrible. Never write again!
| junie b cutie chapter 1 . 5/21/2012
Ok hunny, you need some work this isnt texting sooo why are you shorting your words. did you even read your summary because its so bad you cant read it. your charaters are all stuiped if you wanted them to be together then write it in a fomer way...do you even no what that means? maybe not my sister can write this story better than you and she 8. if i wrote this story i would have killed it. but u just stink maybe every one glady knows this but the dumbass down there saying its good. take down your story and dumb it.
| BurningTheMidnightOil-96 chapter 1 . 3/11/2012
This is Dark Visions, NOT Twiligjt so you might wanna move your story. You've clearly got some good ideas in mind but you havent written them down very well. You need to work on punctuation, grammer and paragraphs. You could always ask friends or even look at some other fan fiction stories for help. Good luck and practice; I think you could be a good writer with some work :)
| Jetta Lane chapter 1 . 2/5/2012
What the fuck was that, I can't even begin to tell you how annoyed I was reading this, it made me physically ill.
I don't like you.
p.s This you put this in the DARK VISIONS category
| 10tips chapter 1 . 11/25/2011
OK...I'm sorry but this is a really bad story.
You need to work on your
1) Grammar, punctuation, capitalization,etc.
2) Work on indenting your paragraphs and proper writing for when someone is talking.
3) If you put in your own thoughts, make parenthesis and make it bold, but don't do it too often because people can get annoyed.
4) Try proof-reading your work, ask someone to read it, or and use Microsoft or whatever to make corrections, like pointing out fragments, incorrect punctuation, etc.
5) Make lines to show author's notes, either at the beginning our the end of the story.
7) Use correct spelling, and try to stay away from text language. I know you may not do it on purpose, but look over your work every few sentences.
8) If you've had trouble writing in the past, try writing in your free time with short stories, one-shots, etc.
9) If you still feel that you're bad at writing after doing number 8, try asking an ELA teacher for some writing tips. But if you don't go to school, or college, search online.
10) Practice! Practice! Practice! Even if you absolutely hate what you have made so far, go back it after a few days, and make some corrections. Practice always make perfect.
These are some ways to help, and I hope you use them!