Reviews for Something About a Heart
Fanimation Danimation chapter 5 . 10/19/2014
"That look isn't going to work on everyone, kid" - Axel. This is why I love him. Sorry Sora, but not everyone's a sucker like Riku. I'm 100% sicking Roxas on him would have gotten a different response...like...*dirty scenes fly through mind*...heheehe!

Oh and if Roxas's theory about demons having Twitters and Facebooks then I'm gonna need him to give me some numbers for the next lottery!
Fanimation Danimation chapter 4 . 10/19/2014
How convenient of Riku to pop up out of nowhere and offer the gang some information. I bet he wasn't expecting to get blasted with Sora's puppy-dog stare. I hear it's VERY effective.

Ugh, I'm not even sad that Kairi got kidnapped. Fortunately she has people who do :D
Fanimation Danimation chapter 3 . 10/10/2014
It's been revealed that the creatures weren't a dream! Yes Roxas, those things are unfortunately real. I don't know why, but when he yelled "Run" I thought of the movie Jurassic Park.

Bless Keyblades, they should praise the odd-not-swords-but-swords for appearing in a nick of time. Oh, and praise Axel, even though his Hollywood Intro was ruined.

Anything, I don't like Kairi, I don't know why (again, my brain is a odd place), I just don't.

I don't know if you're getting these reviews since I'm using my celly, I had to try FIVE FRIGGIN TIMES to send the other two and it's pissing me off. So...I hope you're getting these.
Fanimation Danimation chapter 2 . 10/10/2014
Have I ever told you how I love how your chapters start with "Something about a"?!

Though I'm not much of a KH fan, I am thoroughly enjoying Roxas so far, or maybe because he's my bias. But really Roxie, you wake up, see a bunch of unexplained scratches on you and you... Smh, my poor poor blondie.

You know I'm an action girl and I'm happy to tell you that my bloodlust for fight scenes has been fulfilled...for now.
Fanimation Danimation chapter 1 . 10/10/2014
Isn't ironic that Sora's the one who attracts the most danger. I mean, if you go based on their personalities, I would expect Roxas, but then again... I love how Roxas isn't fluffy with Sora, why didn't I see that coming though, you making them brothers.

"Girls are weird." Aren't we all. Every time I hear/read that somewhere, I get this big ass grin on my face.

I know it took me forever to read/review this story, but here it is! Unexpected things happened, so don't put me in the dog pound :D :D :D
Ajay Ajodhia chapter 23 . 8/4/2014
Although I didn't play the Kingdom Hearts games I loved the story. It is wel written and does what other authors fail to do, even the official published ones and is to create a real chemistry/dynamic between the characters and feel for them.

In a very short time she describes enough to symphatize with the characters, including with the darkest part of the story and the funny parts. It made me want to read more. The mainplot about stopping the badguy has been kept relatively simple and that works here so well because that give time to focus on the struggle, problems and relationship of the characters and keeping the story in balance and so preventing that it gets overcomplicated.

One other I was impressed with was the 2 chapters were out main herous are in trance to be eventuelly become Keyblade master. The paths that they are walking and choosing is very smart and logical at the same time that also stays true at a psychology level.

An other thing was the climax and fight sequences at the end that was wel written and is very satisfying. The way they fought did make sense and has strategy in it.

In the beginning the pairing feels forced but in later chapters it is smoothed out and fits the characters.

The last chapter ties every loose end nicely together.

Will read more work of the author ;)
CrackedCat chapter 23 . 8/2/2014
I loved this story! And I think it's fabulous that you got so much from the games in there :) Actually I think this is one of the better kingdom heart-fics I've read in a long time, because of the brilliant display of the characters. None of the silly stereotypical depiction of Axel and Roxas or Sora and Riku (I like Sora being badass from time to time), very refreshing, I was very entertained! You rock! :D
YourGreatestDream chapter 23 . 11/19/2013
Chapter 23:

It's trigger fighting time! Everyone press those 'A' buttons as fast as you can! Grind those heartless suckers!

"Roxy, it's after the fight and we're safe in Arabia. You. Are. Mine."
"Stop it Axel! There's no bed and I'm not doing it on the floor!"
"Are you sure?" *Axel pins Roxy to wall, nuzzling his neck.*
"Get off."
*Axel pouts*
- Don't worry Axel, you'll have him eventually. :3

'Her eyes flickered over to Axel unsurely,'
(...unsurely.)

Perfect way to get your prisoners to stay where they are is to make them too afraid to leave. After a while they don't want to leave because they are inevitably tied to the overwhelming presence if the captor. After more psychological twiddling, the captor can make his prisoners work for him, and even kill for him. Those princesses will have years of therapy to look forward to.

Axel is being admired by several pretty princesses. If it wasn't for them being obviously brainwashed, Roxas might have been jealous. XD

I love it when those two flirt.

Riku can't make dark corridors? Then what was he doing in the beginning of the story? I'm sure I read somewhere that he summoned one...

Sounds like Jasmine is your favorite princess.

"Now, stop protesting when life finally stops sucking for a while, and just accept the fact that we're getting an island."
- Lol! I laughed so hard when I read this.

Roxas and Sora look over their shoulder to see a goat sitting on a beach towel drinking lemonade, eating the tiny umbrella.

'...the Sultan had also insisted on building them a proper house-slash-mansion to live in — diddn't even matter to him.'
(...didn't...)

Awe, it's over. I wanted to see Roxas get dragged off by Axel into one of the rooms in their mansion at least. Oh well. :) I really enjoyed this story! Well done. That's a happily ever after if I ever saw one.

Now read my story! You're leaving vamp Axel/Lea hanging. Literally. Hanging in chains on a wall about to be...arg, read it! XD
YourGreatestDream chapter 22 . 11/18/2013
Chapter 22

Sorry, got hooked by a story on FFnet, 'My Neko' by username: The unwritten promise. I highly recommend.

When you say they reach a higher platform where the villain stands, is that on the rooftop, or in a room? First time I read this I thought it was on a rooftop with a black-night sky.

Villain: I discovered how to open kingdom hearts!
Intern: How do you open it, sir?
Villain: I just have to throw the seven unconscious Princesses on the roof and the portal to it will appear!
Intern: And they made an instruction manual for that why?
Villain: For appearances.
Goat: And I was hungry.
Villain and Intern: O.o
Goat: I mean...bahhh

Why can't they fight around the princesses, or at least have Sora discreetly move the royals to the side as Riku throws in some sucker punches while Xemnas' back is turned? His shields can block spells, but I think he's distracted enough to be punched in the head at least once. Riku's smart enough to not be thrown over the ledge. :P

Also, your previous theory was that Xemnas didn't sense hearts as well as Riku and Axel because he ate hearts frequently. Riku and Axel, in this case, would be more affected by the pure hearts because they don't eat hearts (or as many hearts in Axel's case). Wouldn't Riku be weakened more so than Xemnas?

*Xemnas is distracted*
Riku: Yup, just like I planned. Totally knew that would happen.
Sora: You liar.

"Prove it," Riku challenged, keyblade held out in front him.
(...in front of him.)

'...hoping the impact wouldn't be too jarring so that he wouldn't be able to block Xemnas' lightsabre-swords.'
(...hoping the impact wouldn't be too jarring so that he'd be able to block...)
- Two 'wouldn't-s in the same sentence, even though they're not a double negative, is better to avoid I think. Yeah, this is debatable :P

'...gripping his keyblade more tightly ...'
(...gripping his keyblade tighter..)

'Sora took a step back as the felt the amount of force behind the attack ...'
(...as he felt ...)

'If he failed to block even a single laser he knew he wouldn't' be able to recover before he was dead.'
(...wouldn't...)

"...I'll have to finish what he started, then."
(...what he started then.")

Roxas glanced over at him and smirked. "You know I always get what I want eventually."
- I imagine Axel saying that, so it surprises me to see Roxas saying something so arrogant. :3

"...I can kill you as easily as I could kill an ant!"
(...as easily as an ant!")

Axel doesn't seem affected by the place at all. O.o Was Roxy's soul that delicious?

'...destroying the shields Xemnas tried to throw up.'
(...tried to summon.)
- Sorry, just 'Xemnas tried to throw up' gives off two different images. One of them isn't pretty :P

'...but if Roxas could juts keep Xemnas busy long enough…'
(...just...)

'He fell to his knees panting, watching the pillars of light surrounding Roxas fading away as well, though Axel and Riku continued to attack Xemnas until they were completely exhausted as well.'
- Two 'as well's in this sentence.

Marluxia makes the killing blow, taking all the credit. Wait, how is the pink dude not affected by the pure hearts?!

As the villain is dying, he does nothing but stand? He should say something...but not too cliché. Death by flowers is probably enough to make him scream profanities until he fades. But then...his silent reach for the pure hearts as he falls to his knees is also good...*pulls at hair* I can't make up my mind!

I didn't expect Roxas' big reveal would cause awkward, heavy silence. I thought Sora would go up to Axel and get ready to throw down. Then the little brunet would be pulled back by Riku and his logic. Then Axel would say something snarky about Roxy being better this way and pull Roxas into a kiss, deep throating the blonde in front of everybody. :( Sadly, that did not happen.

Ok, one last chapter. Suddenly I'm sad. :,( What will I do afterwards?
YourGreatestDream chapter 21 . 11/14/2013
Chapter 21:

Finally, the chapter you've been egging me to read. :D

...I know realize why. The beginning is so cool! Except when you're talking about different 'parts' in Roxas, that got a little confusing. I loved the way you made him a true keyblade master after his sacrifice, he deserves it!

- Lol! Axel's reaction to seeing Roxas return. Of course he'd call him sexy. XD

'...and partially feeding off the darkness around him. even'
(Stray word at the end of the paragraph)

- Ack! I'm being assaulted by super-long sentences! XP

He was still worried about how Sora and Riku were doing — although he was trying to suppress that until he'd recovered a little and he could actually move around without dropping to the floor in exhaustion — Axel still annoyed him, and he felt relieved beyond belief that he was still there and they'd managed to beat Saïx.
(This is one huge sentence 0.o)

"You have a promise to fulfil." *Inner Fan-girl scream!*

I laugh at Roxas' pitiful excuse at not being gay. Ha!

Now that's a kiss!

Lol! Roxas is ordering Axel around using sex as motivation. Loving it :3
Gosh, I can't stop reading... And only two more chapters left :O
YourGreatestDream chapter 20 . 11/14/2013
Chapter 20:

'... and would have most likely outdone them in strategy as well if he'd needed any.'
(...if he'd had any.)

Axel's power is lessening? When did that start? 0_o

'Xemnas had learned how to use these lasers without even having to look at what he was aiming for, and made it more than a little difficult to get close enough to even try and hit him.'
(...aiming for, which made it difficult to get close...)

The past-past tense with the 'had' in each sentence is confusing. Why not write it as they fight in regular past tense, instead of treating it as a flashback? :3

'Xemnas recovered quickly from any hit Riku managed, though, parrying him...'
(...from any hit Riku managed though, parrying...)

I notice the tenses continue switching back and forth from past-past tense to regular past tense.

"I hope there's an afterlife and that cookies are sold there, then, because at this rate we won't survive this."
("I hope the afterlife sells cookies, 'cause we're not gonna survive here at this rate.")

- Roxas...you have no idea what you've opened yourself up to with that comment. :3

- Gasp! Roxas is no longer in denial xD

"They refused to let me train them properly."
- That sound kinda like Riku is giving an excuse...and should he even be telling Xemnas that?

- Saïx isn't a boy...or did you make him one for this story? 'He looked like he'd barely hit his mid-teens.' Ok, I'll roll with it.

Mwahaha! Saïx and Axel as an item when they were humans. That is a lot of amo for relationship building between Axel and Roxas, insuring backstory and jealousy. :D

'...wishing he'd never snapped out of denial for the umpteenth time,..'
- It was the first time since he snapped out of denial...he only snapped out of it a few paragraphs ago. :P

- What's Axel's age have to do with his decision to stay with Roxas and the rest?

"Fine, simply leave, then."
("Fine, simply leave then.")

- So when Saïx enters, does the fight stop, and people just watch on the sidelines as Saïx, Axel, and Roxas talk? The last princess is right there, isn't she? What are Sora and Riku doing?

'...but that he had officially fallen hard enough for Axel that he would get jealous at ex-boyfriend.'
(...get jealous at an ex-boyfriend.)

'Xemnas had all seven princesses, and had no doubt figured out by now how to open Kingdom Hearts.'
- The goat apparently didn't do a good enough job at delaying him. XD

Obviously Roxas has never seen a claymore before. Big, giant blades that can easily slice through a semi-truck.

'Saïx was still standing in the spot Roxas had previously been flung to,'
(...Roxas had been flung from,)

'He took a moment to regain his balance, anticipating the next blow, but still unable to stop himself from flying backwards.'
(Still unable to prevent himself from flying backwards, he took a moment to regain his balance and anticipate the next blow.)

'...Axel and he...'
('He and Axel', or 'Axel and him')

'...that wished Axel had consumed a heart here and there so he wasn't so horribly underpowered...'
(..had consumed a heart right then and there, so he...)

'The other, far greater, part of him rejected the thought, of course, but it was still frustrating to know...'
(The other - far greater- part of him rejected the thought of course, but it...)

'At the very least they might not be losing as badly as they were now.'
(...they wouldn't be losing as badly as they were now.)

During his mental complaint, a thought struck Roxas, distracting him to the point where he didn't block one of Saïx's blows as well as he should have, and he was sent flying across the room — quite literally — and into a wall.
(During his mental tangent a thought struck Roxas, distracting him...)

...were simply buying Sora and Riku time in the hope that the two would pull off a miracle and could stop Xemnas.
(...that the two would pull off a miracle and stop Xemnas.)

- No! Roxas, don't be thinking suicidal thoughts involving Axel eating you! *tears up*

- I actually love Roxas' sacrifice. Only because I have a really good feeling that he's going to be revived somehow. Or else Axel will have to answer to Sora for eating his twin brother O_o
YourGreatestDream chapter 19 . 11/13/2013
Chapter 19:

Alright, one more and then I am back to writing reviews as I read. Reading ahead was a terrible idea. Going back to do reviews over past stuff is less fun than doing it while reading stuff for the first time. Oh, and sorry for not sending a review for a few days...it's been busy.

I love the way you made Riku train them. And the concept of finding the magic inside them, feeling the way the magic forms to make the keyblade, is all so well thought out. I give you cyberspace cookies.

Despite being ungodly feminine, Marluxia is the Ultimate Seme. 0_o

Apparently when Kairi was first rescued, Xemnas took it out on his own town. Anger issues much, Mr. Villain? *hides behind wall as Xemnas throws dark-matter at me*

Huh, I never really noticed that. The symbols for nobodies and keyblade wielders are flipped...weird how I could miss something like that.

Marluxia is frickin Bakura Kuchiki...the petals of death obey him!

Really? A Starwars reference? ,:-/

Nice, Riku's blade has upgraded!

And the battle begins :)
YourGreatestDream chapter 18 . 11/11/2013
Chapter 18:

Lol, the way Roxas woke up...trying to get closer to Axel's warmth.

'He frowned in confusion as he saw that Axel and he were the only ones in the room.'
(...as he saw that they were the only ones...)

I like Axel's nickname for Riku. Silverlocks.

'Vexen passed him, walking to a nearby table and grabbing a pen and a notebook.'
(Vexen passed him, walking to a nearby table, and grabbed a pen and a notebook.)

"On the platform, you say there was an image of Axel..."
(...you said there was...)

"Those images appear to show people you care about, Vexen switched to a different notebook, making a few quick notes in that one,
(...people you care about," Vexen switched...)

Gosh I love watching Roxas being in denial about Axel.

Axel had actually kept Vexen from doing anything weird to him? "No way."
- Lol!

'to give your heart to someone'. My guess is the more Roxas cares about Axel, the more the nobody finds that he's gaining a heart.

"Whatever, just as long as I can get out of here." He turned back to Axel, the redhead opening up a Dark Corridor and making a mocking bow. "As you wish, sir."
("Whatever, just as long as I can get out of here." He turned back to Axel.

The redhead opened up a Dark Corridor and made a mocking bow. "As you wish, sir.")

- 'It was a bit late now to start warning him for Axel.' Lol! XD

- If Roxas got together with Axel, he would find something he could be grateful for which followed him getting his keyblades. :3

'Riku was staring at Sora thoughtfully, not even having noticing Roxas entering.'
(...not even having noticed Roxas entering.)

The way Roxas reacts to seeing those two is just perfect :3
YourGreatestDream chapter 17 . 11/11/2013
Chapter 17:

I like how they wake up with a more a cute sense of darkness and light. With that, of course the Realm of Darkness would become more suffocating as a result.

"...have been able to conclude from my research that every test is unique, yes."
(Is the 'yes' needed in the sentence? :-/)

'There were two dark powers that something inside of him warned him for.'
(Something inside him warned him against two dark powers in the room.)
- Just my preference

I want to try identifying the powers:
Two dark powers: Vexen and Axel
Subdued light: Roxas
Chaotic power with a little light: Riku

'In fact, being a Princess of Heart probably meant it was still worse for her.'
(I would take out 'still', but you don't have to)

- Riku is worried about Sora! I love this bit.

'Vexen was still standing where he had been before, a notebook in his hands this time.'
(...had been before, this time with a notebook in his hands.)
- Again, my preference.

- Axel's such a perv. XD 'I'm still trying to molest him, got it memorized?'

- It's so cute seeing Riku worrying about Sora!

- Despite your earlier remarks, I think you portray Vexen really well. 'Limited mental capabilities' is a great way for Vexen to describe Axel. :3

- The moment Vexen said to Riku, 'You care for him', I was squealing on the inside.

- Enter the very feminine Marluxia.

- If Marluxia was off someplace far away and could sense the new keyblade master...then how come Xemnas can't?

- It wasn't that big of a 'grand plan', Marluxia. Save a keyblade master, and hope that the generations after him don't die or become unable to use the power. There are a lot of loopholes in your 'plan', and just saving one person isn't quite the effort it takes to get the gears turning in a plan as big as he boasts this one to be. That, and he said he saved a 'few people'. Who else did he save, and why aren't their children's children coming to fight?

- Marluxia...your plan isn't perfect! What if Ventus had died from a car crash before having children? What if his children became gay, and had no offspring? Geez, and all you did was help a few people out of a town.

-...And I thought Axel was a perv. Marluxia beat him by a landslide.

I'm not particularly interested in seeing Mister tall, pink, and girly fucking Vexen's bony ass into a table."
- Yup, Axel just won it back. He's the perv champion.

- *smiles at Sora asking Riku to stay with him*

"You can be a really stupid person at times, did you know that?"
(...at times, you know?")
- my preference

- My favorite part: When Sora tells Riku to shut up before kissing him. _

- Tell me what happened! My imagination ran away with it, and in the next chapter they still are clothed...which told me my imagination was wrong. :P
YourGreatestDream chapter 16 . 11/10/2013
Chapter 16:

"Sure, I didn't have any plans yet."
(...I don't have any plans...)

I was half-expecting a redhead to pop up on the television screen and stick his tongue out at Roxas. XD

Annoying little cousins doesn't need a comma.

'...where he saw Hayner's parents talking to who were no doubt his aunt and uncle.'
(...talking to two visitors who were...)

' I doubt mom or dad is going to wake up any time soon...'
(...doubt mom and dad are going...)

Ice creams...get the blue kind! Yeah! It's like he heard me demand him to pick that one.

Roxas was actually pulled a bit further into darkness than Sora was! I'm not surprised. I'm kinda mad that he let a good number of people die before deciding to save the two kids, though.

Now Roxas is having a full-blown argument with his voice of inner truth. *Applauds*

'Roxas had just started to wonder if the voice had, left and if he was supposed to do something here, when the voice spoke up again.'
(First comma shouldn't be there :P)

Roxas seems to have passed, but not with flying colors. I kinda expected that to occur after seeing his exam. Great... Now he has to take a re-test afterwards. Bleh, re-tests. I give Roxas my sympathies.
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