|Reviews for Made Of Scars|
| redhedlund chapter 22 . 7/11/2012
One word : perfect. Honestly, I loved reading it, and I can't wait to read the last chapter !
| Guest chapter 22 . 1/9/2012
Please please please make a sequel happen!
| hoppnhorn chapter 22 . 1/8/2012
Hellooooo my dear. I'm here I'm here. Sorry it took me so long. There's a lot to love in this chapter, lotsss. So much happened! I've been waiting for this chapter for forever and I'm so happy it's here!
Ok, first thing's first. This little summary at the beginning was awesome. -The second was more along the line of if they hurt you, hurt them worse, making them pay, make them realize that when they'd chosen you as their victim they made a lethal mistake.- Very kick ass and to the point. Loved it! Layia had to overcome her pain and suffering and replace it with hatred and aggression to survive. Amazing way to open the chapter. D
-Eventually she'd just come to the conclusion that Billy was an extremely multifaceted man. It seemed as if it would take a lifetime to completely decipher each aspect of him and his mind. And that wasn't what it was about. Knowing how every wheel turned and how every clock ticked stole away part of the enjoyment. It was the same as having a puzzle already put together for you, taking away the experience of putting each piece in the correct place yourself.- I love this description of Billy. Very nice darling. Awesome job.
-Once their eyes had finished talking with looks over words she leaned up, circled her arms around his neck and covered Billy's mouth in a consuming kiss. So what if they were acting normal for a couple minutes? Was that so wrong? Billy threaded his fingers through her hair as his jaw stretched to deepen the kiss.- While this is hot, because DUH it always is, I see this as extremely beautiful as well. I visualize this moment in a slow, loving way instead of fast and lustful like it normally is. I love that you added this. It's gorgeous.
-He was still surprised that he'd been allowed to come. But Billy had made the rules crystal clear, almost painfully so, repeating them over and over in a near rant so Joe wouldn't forget. Joe was to stay by the cars, maintaining a look out position but staying out of sight, out of danger. And only when the gunfire ceased and the battle was over would Joe be permitted to join them. It wasn't the way Joe had envisioned being a part of the team but it was better than nothing and it gave him the chance to keep his pledge to Layia.- I love this! He wants to keep his promise to Layia and at the same time, Billy is keeping his promise as a brother to protect. love love loveeeee. Poor joey, has to sit there and wait, but he's adorable that he tagged along. I wuv him. )
-"Motherfucker," snarled Billy as one of Hayes's thugs fired a bullet that grazed his shoulder, enveloping the skin in a burning pain. But it wasn't enough to stop or even slow down the rampant gang lord. Nothing short of a kill shot would do that and none of these unimpressive, low level henchmen would be the one to make Billy breathe his last breath. When Billy welcomed the darkness and left this earth it would be a warrior's death from someone who was his equal, with a gun in his hand and no pleads for mercy.- WOAH. That's all I can say to that. WOAH. I'm in love with that last sentence. "a warrior's death". True dat. I just hate the fact that I know that he does, indeed, die. Hate that. Love this though.
-The blood streaks marking the gray walls led him down more twists and turns in wide hallways till he heard fresh shots being fired. Billy picked up his pace, jogging to the source with his gun at the ready. When he finally reached Layia she was kneeling on the cement. For a brief second Billy thought she'd been injured, but then he heard Heco groaning. As Billy neared the pair he noticed Heco had taken one in the leg and was clutching at his bleeding limb.- A. If I turned the corner and saw the person I loved kneeling in the midst of a gun fight, I would have lost it. That sentence made me hold my breath. B. But then I was RELIEVED when I saw it was only Heco. Not that I'm happy Heco is hurt, I'm just relieved that it wasn't Layia who was injured. Great moment for me.
-Bane caught the knife but stilled his hand, keeping the weapon harmlessly at his side. Kalila wasn't afraid of him but she should be; he was in a hazardous predicament, one that wouldn't end without bloodshed. Instead she trusted him, not even trembling in his arms and it nearly broke his heart that such a woman had faith in him, in someone who'd put numerous men in body casts and body bags. And despite knowing all that she believed in him, spent hours melting into his chest and clutching his shirt as though he was her life jacket, preventing her from drowning in the abyss of misery. But Hayes was looking at him suspiciously, making Bane edgy. That was his boss and Bane was his bodyguard, the terms of their verbal contract were still in effect. Whatever choice he made he'd be betraying someone. He was at a fork in the road and he was going to have to make a snap decision about what path he would take, who he'd fight for and protect. "What the fuck are ya waiting for?" demanded Hayes angrily, glaring at Bane with an expression that would make most men wilt away and beg for forgiveness. But Bane wasn't most men.- I LOVE THIS! I'm so glad you put this in here, it makes Bane one of my favorite men EVER. This is a critical moment in his decision making and to get inside his head a little bit made all the difference in the suspense. Awesome work! D
-"Don't" screamed Kalila and Layia instantly reacted, breaking from her fury induced trance. "Please don't hurt him."- This struck me for some reason. It was so heartwrenching. It sounds like Stockholm's to an outsider like Layia, but to someone like the reader, you know what Bane has done for Kalila and their true connection. I loved how she stood up for him, protected him in her own way. So romantic. bawwww.
-That's when she saw it: Bane was holding Kalila up and gazing at her with genuine concern. Was it possible for an employee of Hayes's to have a heart? Layia didn't want to believe it but the evidence was clear as day, unmistakable.- This makes me smile every time I read it. That moment where it becomes clear to Layia that Bane is a good guy. This makes me so frikin happy. I love the way you set this up. Super sweet.
-"You're done talking," declared Layia. "It's time for you to do the screaming."- BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE. hehehehehhh. I love evil little moments like that. They're beautifullll. Love love love.
-Joe, who'd joined them, was currently fulfilling his promise to Layia. He was vicious, delivering blow after fierce blow, crushing the bones and splitting the skin without any guilt. Layia already had her turn at physically wounding Hayes, as had Billy and soon she would finish the job. Since Kalila was out of danger Layia could enjoy this instead of rushing it. Crimson had stained Joe's clothes and was steadily dripping onto the ground below but it only added to the exhilaration he was experiencing, a taste of how he imagined Billy normally felt. Billy was Joe's idol, the person he looked up to the most. And his pummeling Hayes wasn't solely about Layia it was about impressing Billy.- OHHHH HEAVENS TO BETSY! I tell you I'm on a Joey craze and this is what you give me? Are you trying to give me a heart attack? LOL. Because I was practically drooling at this bit. bheheheh. I love the bit about Joey's clothes. So hot. You've officially made me rabid for the man. you need to update Raven! pweaseeee?
-Joe turned, prepared to head back and rejoin the group but Billy's low voice stopped him. "Ya did good Joe, I'm proud of you," confessed Billy and Joe clapped him on the back, a brotherly exchange of affection. This time Billy had said it out loud. He still wasn't sure that he was ready for what would follow it, that he was ready to decide if Joe could be initiated, become a member of the gang but he'd said it anyway because his brother deserved to hear those words. Joe smiled and Billy nodded in approval. When Joe strolled to the troupe he passed Layia and she gave him a similar nod, sharing Billy's opinion about how well he did tonight. Happiness filled Joe as he picked a spot on the wall to lean against. Without a doubt this was where he belonged.- This part was perfection. No doubt that's where he belongs. I'm so proud of him myself! The interaction between Billy and Joey in this scene is straight from the movie. Absolutely awesome darling. )
Ok, so I'm not going to quote the castration because, to be honest, I was flinching and grimacing the entire time. That's the point though, to make the scene realistic...painfully so. Holy moly girl. I was SHOCKED when she got to it. It's a little extreme, but in her case, I guess it's fair. Still...oh man. Had to mention it because it was the pinnacle of the scene.
-"You should've thought twice about who you shoved that thing into," declared Layia while reaching up to rub under her nose with the bloodied knife still in hand.- WOOOAH. Talk about a reveal. You mention it in the next paragraph, but MANNN. what a way to find something out. Jeeez. this chapter is INTENSEEE.
-By the time they found an escape it was nearly impossible to see. Billy locked his hands together, angled his shoulder and positioned himself to ram against the door that was blocking them from the outside world. With powerful shoves he loosened the hinges and eventually the barrier gave way under Billy's strength, collapsing to the cement on the outside of the building.- The entire time that I was reading their escape, I was freaking out about them getting out in time. Like a parent, I was FREAKING OUT! DANG IT SPINK! LOL.
Alright, to summarize, I loved this chapter. It was massively intense(if I haven't said that already) and I'm totally thrilled that Hayes is finally dead. Thank you so much for the update my dear! Your story is perfection. Awesome job my dear and I can't wait for an update! HUGS from your biggest fann! -R
| Sparkly Blue Eyes chapter 22 . 1/8/2012
Hey girl, Sparkly here and what a treat it was that you finally updated! Seeing this in my inbox just brought the biggest smile to my face! And was this chapter worth the wait...woo-fucking-wie! I loved every word and cannot wait for more, i demand you update soon :P
:D And to start, very exciting stuff... 'This is it, tonight is the night, thought Layia as she wrapped her fingers around the metal knob. It was a surreal moment, finally coming face to face with the showdown she'd waited a decade for. Everything had led her to this point, every tear, and every drop of blood, every scream, and every fight. They'd all brought her to the place where it began. And once she opened the door to unite with the men in the living room there would be no turning back.' Already building the chapter to be an epic one - Love.
:D :D :D Oh I so love Billy's and Layia's relationship! The chemistry is just so...well it blows me away. I've said this before but you make it believable. Billy might be a hard man but he still has a heart, a heart that cares for her 'Their eyes locked and Layia used hers to silently respond: I will, I swear. It may seem like a small gesture, not worth much significance but from Billy it was huge, essential, a keepsake that was meant to be returned after they won, after this war was over. By giving her his bracelet Billy was creating his own promise to bring her sister back alive, to protect them both. And Billy Darley never broke his promises.' No doubt about that! Love you Billy *Swooon*
DAMN RIGHT! 'Joe was to stay by the cars, maintaining a look out position but staying out of sight, out of danger.' I am glad our Joey will be safe, the last thing we want is him getting hurt! :) Really like how Billy's allowed him to come though but being brotherly at the same time - love that man - as you say so mixed but special.
Loving how you convey the scene and set it up, girl... i was on the edge of my seat, like :O :O :O '"Come on," ordered Billy. Weapons in hand, the group stepped from the cars, moving as a single, well trained unit. When they reached the entrance they spread out, taking the guard dogs down quietly. It would be foolish to draw unnecessary attention to themselves before they even got inside. Especially since they didn't know the inner layout, in that aspect they were going in blind. To make up for that disadvantage they needed to completely hone all the advantages that they did possess which included the cover of darkness, their skill and Layia's unwavering rage.' Layia's unwavering rage... indeed, that girl - you have created an awesome OC and i admire her strength! Haye's is going to fucking get it and too bloody right! :D
Oh no you didn't just shoot Billy Darley? What an idiot! '"Motherfucker," snarled Billy as one of Hayes's thugs fired a bullet that grazed his shoulder, enveloping the skin in a burning pain. But it wasn't enough to stop or even slow down the rampant gang lord. Nothing short of a kill shot would do that and none of these unimpressive, low level henchmen would be the one to make Billy breathe his last breath. When Billy welcomed the darkness and left this earth it would be a warrior's death from someone who was his equal, with a gun in his hand and no pleads for mercy. He tucked his firearm into the waistband of his jeans, gripped the man's chin and back of his head and snapped his neck. That prick deserved a more personal execution from Billy.' ***SIGH*** Billy Darley pissed is quite the picture and oh my, was my imagination running wild. Prick deserved what he got! LOVE THIS babe - the pace, the descriptions, everything!
I'm sorry, long quote but this did make me smirk: '"Come on Hayes, stop fuckin' around. Get on your knees and beg," demanded Layia. He loved to play mind games but Layia was in no mood for spending hours bantering with him. As much as Layia wanted to prolong his death she wasn't blinded by the sweet taste of revenge. Her sister was in here somewhere and Layia had no idea what shape she was in. "I hate to break it to you baby but you're outnumbered," remarked Hayes, smirking smugly. That may be true but Layia was willing to bet that Billy was a better shot. As if Billy heard her thoughts he raised his pistol and fired three consecutive rounds without blinking an eye. Like flies the men dropped and fell to the cement below, delivered a bloody end at Billy's skilled hand. Layia smiled sinisterly, triumphantly, Billy was unmatched. Shock etched itself on Hayes's face but it was minor and he swiftly regained himself. "Now beg," repeated Layia.' Layia, you go girl! And what a team they are - they definitely could rule Stokely side by side. WOW, on this scene girl - just wow! Billy is an amazing man and i cannot get enough of him in this story, you really are treating us :P
:D :D NOW THIS WHAT A TWIST... '"Don't" screamed Kalila and Layia instantly reacted, breaking from her fury induced trance. "Please don't hurt him."' AWW, Bane had looked after, protected her and he was the boss's right hand man so to speak! OMG... This scene was so moving babe... Bane made the right decision and i was smiling like an idiot... Hayes just got fucked by one of his own... IN YOUR FACE :D
... You really do write this scenes brilliantly girl... Again, my eyes staring wide at the laptop screen, craving more and more... needing to know what happens next... i am so freaking hooked on this story '"Oh, is that what this is? I had no idea, couldn't tell," mocked Hayes. Perhaps there was a part of him that had known this would happen someday, that after years of raping a girl who had the same spirit as a wild mustang that she would come back and burn him. But that knowledge hadn't stopped him from trying to shatter her courage and destroy her soul. "You're done talking," declared Layia. "It's time for you to do the screaming."' The anger, the hate, you detailed everything - Layia is going to make that prick scream! Awesome stuff :)
Can i say SWOOOOON loud enough... This bit... 'And Joe, who'd joined them, was currently fulfilling his promise to Layia. He was vicious, delivering blow after fierce blow, crushing the bones and splitting the skin without any guilt. Layia already had her turn at physically wounding Hayes, as had Billy and soon she would finish the job. Since Kalila was out of danger Layia could enjoy this instead of rushing it. Crimson had stained Joe's clothes and was steadily dripping onto the ground below but it only added to the exhilaration he was experiencing, a taste of how he imagined Billy normally felt. Billy was Joe's idol, the person he looked up to the most. And his pummeling Hayes wasn't solely about Layia it was about impressing Billy.' Oh Joey, you hot piece of Darley ass! My oh my, reading this i had chills - watching Joey angry... wow like heaven :D And to think he's protecting Layia because of everything the prick did... just makes him even more sexier! NOW THAT girl is a treat - one you should be mega proud of! LOVED!
... .LORD... Layia, you rock girl - your revenge... well my brain is frozen... what a way to deliver it... 'Then, without batting an eyelid she dug the blade into the skin of his penis and began to slice the appendage off. The surrounding men grimaced. Hayes deserved it but seeing another man's dick being severed from his body was almost intolerable to observe, the holy grail of the male gender gone forever. But Billy viewed the spectacle with complete satisfaction, not once looking away. It was a fitting end for a serial rapist, for someone who'd hurt Layia. :O :O :O :O :O I think that was my expression whilst reading what she did... I'm still stunned... bastard deserved it but your writing as always blew me away, the detail made it all that more real... :O :O
Awesome... so not only did she get her revenge... she got a shit load more also 'In order to reach her objective she had to lean her entire body down and blindly search to the left of the opening. Finally her flingers clasped around a leather handle. Getting the item required some forceful tugs but she managed to pull it out and set it on the ground. After pausing to wipe away the perspiration that had formed above her brow she unzipped the heavy bag and was met with the rewarding sight of green.' That girl, relentless! But she gets results! Admire her character! I'll keep saying it cause this chapter was just :O :D :O BRILLAINT!
I was so worried if they would get out... '"Bill, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I thought you were out," exclaimed Spink fearfully as Layia and Billy neared the waiting men. But Billy waved a hand, stopping Spink from ranting anymore. They may not have used the best judgment but they were following his orders and he doubted they'd planned on Layia having a side mission. Billy was angry but he wasn't going to kill any of them over this error. LONG QUOTE i know but i had to... Poor Spink, i bet he would be a little worried about what Billy would do... i can only imagine what he was feeling but i was pleased that Billy wavered on that one - i bet he was just happy to be out of there - Layia at his side! Love the relationships that you have created between the characters - you write them to a T and it all just fits! Perfect.
'"What the fuck took so long?" inquired Bodie, emerging from the shadows by his Cuda which had a groaning Heco in the backseat. "Ly wanted a souvenir," answered Billy as he stepped forward and Layia grinned. They'd done it. They'd really done it.'' They had done it! They worked together and got the job done! What an enjoyable chapter and an addictive storyline! Are you finished with the story now or have you got a couple more chapters go to? Just wondering... Because yes i would LOVE to know where this ending takes them... :D :D :D Amazing babe, you are a terrific writer!
DUDE... I've like filled the BOX! Characters ZERO filled :D :D ***Love ya muchos babe - BIG HU
| hoppnhorn chapter 21 . 10/3/2011
I AM HERE! FINALLY! *grins* Got my act together enough to thoroughly review for you, my dear. Because you deserve nothing less.
First, you know how much I love this chapter already. LOL. I've been PSYCHED from the beginning at the mere concept, and I'm BLOWN AWAY by what you did with it. ) Thrilled thrilled thrilled.
-Layia's tired eyes darted towards Billy who had already taken off his leather jacket, leaving him in a simple black wifebeater. Those looked so good on him it should be illegal. Hugging his solid muscles and revealing an enticing amount of the spiraling ink on his chest and back. An irresistible sin wrapped in dark cotton. Layia fought the urge to lick her lips at the magnificent sight.- i hope you realize, when you write like this, I am reduced to stupidly excessive amounts of giggling. You make him sound like he's standing right in front of me...I'm fighting a daydream right now. I hope your happy. ;)
-But moments such as these Billy secretly valued. He got to see a different side of the still mysterious girl. He was a witness to her humanity, to her inner beauty. Would anyone, especially his men ever bear witness to Billy saying that aloud? Hell no. But he was content with them being honest phrases, swirling in his head.- I liked this part, Billy realizing he values the softer moments between them, though he'd never admit that.
-Layia leaned forward, bent her head and pressed her lips to Billy's cheek. He stiffened, not used to being kissed on the cheek. Had he ever been kissed there? Billy highly doubted it. Most girls went right for something else, his greedy tongue or his throbbing cock. This was different. Her lip's trailed over his jaw in butterfly kisses until she reached his mouth. Then Layia's soft petals instantly warmed Billy's in the softest kiss he had ever received.- SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS. First, I love it. DUH. But second, its so disarmingly sweet. It's so different from anything between them before. and THIRD)...im gonna be immature here...throbbing cock. *giggles hysterically* You manage to keep it hot and sweet in the same moment. Dirty and endearing...HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
Now, obviously you know I love every single sentence of these flashbacks. And I would quote them all, but I'd just be shouting LOVE LOVE LOVE the whole time. LOL. Not good enough for you my dear. So I've picked out my favorite pieces.
-Tears sprang to Layia's eyes, cascading down the burning flesh of her cheeks. Kalila was gone. Her sister was gone. It wasn't a bad dream. It wasn't one of Layia's nightmares. It was a devastating reality. Overwhelming anguish gripped her entire being, removing all feeling from her body. Unable to take anymore Layia fell to the floor, landing with a sorrowful thud on her knees.- THIS is BY FAR one of my favorite images from you. EVER. It's heartwrenching and real and it sucked me in and spat me out. FANTASTIC. I've said this, but being an older sibling, this got me HARDCORE. Especially the falling to her knees. I feel like I could have been in her shoes in that instant, I could have done it all the same.
-Perhaps it would serve as her coffin and bury her alive. Maybe it was a demon, going to torture Layia into a slow death. Slow was acceptable but death wasn't. She didn't deserve that escape. No, the already broken woman needed to suffer through her darkness. After all, that was only fitting.- *dances* This is right on point for me. Its like a "Hide in the dark and let it all ruin me for what I've done." kind of thing and its incredible. Horribly sad, but incredible.
-Tick, tock, buzz, buzz, drip, drip... all the aggravating sounds surrounding Layia were making her head pound. That stupid clock, the annoying fly, and the leaky sink... wouldn't leave her alone. And why should they? It's as though they knew what Layia had let happen and were plaguing her as a result. Even such insignificant objects recognized that Layia needed to be wrapped up in distress and anguish. Bring it on, make it worse.- ok so I cheated and put down two from this section...I couldn't help itttttt *whines* I love this toooooo. And the last bit, "Bring it on, make it worse." JUST BAM! BAM BAM BAM! Perfect. I love it. More than I could ever relay without showing you my stupid arm gestures. LOL. ;)
-"You've had more than you need. I'm cutting you off." The bartender firmly declared. Layia's eyes darted towards him but that was a mistake. The movement was too fast, making her intensely dizzy. With one hand on the bar the other drifted to her throbbing head. Damn the negative effects of alcohol. What happened to it being nothing but giggles and numbing sensations to dull the pain of living? Finger's rubbed her scalp, but it was a futile attempt to soothe the discomfort that consumed Layia.- Again, the imagery here is perfection. I also loved the added commentary about alcohol being all giggles and numbness. It's true, most of the time its for fun, but not for her. Fun is the last thing on Layia's mind. Almost like more punishment.
-Billy was intently listening to everything Layia said, taking it all in. Unlike most women when Layia spoke it didn't sound like a gnat buzzing in his ear. Quite the opposite actually. Her last statement hit home with the gang lord. If someone had taken Joe away Billy would have turned into crazed, vengeful man. An unstoppable force. Naturally Billy assumed he would walk the violent path but he thought that would have been Layia's response too. Maybe some things you couldn't know for sure until it became a reality. With any luck Billy would never have to discover what his true reaction would be.- Can you say FORESHADOWING MUCH? heheh. I love that, tying in the movie with subtle techniques like that. Very nice and just a bonus to your writing. )
-"No, no honey. Stay away. She isn't right in her mind." Where did that come from? Layia furrowed her eyebrows, trying to make sense of it until she figured out that remark was about her. A mother was telling her son to keep away from Layia. Then Layia realized she had been talking to herself, unknowingly verbalizing everything that was going on in her mind. Damn it, Layia mentally slapped herself. She was going off the deep end, if not plummeting already.- THIS PART STUNNED ME. She's thinking about all these things and a woman makes her realize she is talking out loud. Its the ultimate fear, to loose that grip with reality. And Layia is such a strong character, to see her fall to this low is astounding. I'm in awe darling. Awe.
-The thought of her completely losing it, becoming a shell of the woman she once was and letting herself fade away in an alleyway struck a chord in Billy. He couldn't fully explain it, nor did he want to. But it made him think, placed questions in the front of his mind. Questions Billy never thought he would be silently asking himself. If that happened to Layia could it happen to him as well? Would Billy always be on top of the world or would he have his time of being on the bottom? What would even put him there, so far down? A rival gang? Bones? Bodie? His brother? And if he ended up there, in the darkness what would bring him back?- YES YES YES. I feel like a demented cheerleader! This paragraph is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. Holy moly canoli girl. You just impress me to no end. Absolutely fabulous.
-Breathe, just remember to breathe. In and out. Exhale and Inhale. Common human survival instinct. As Layia kept watching the cheerful siblings she realized something. Her sitting here, letting herself become useless wasn't helping her own sister. Kalila would continue to be tormented and made to suffer unless Layia accepted the challenge life had placed in front of her.- You added this at some point and I fucking LOVE IT. Its like the "hello? Are you forgetting about Kalila? She's ten times more worse off than you" that she needed to get out of her funk and do something! AWESOMEEEEE. love love love.
-Layia held a powerful presence as she walked to the glass display case Todd was near. "Waiting for your boyfriend sweetheart?" He certainly had a lot of nerve. Next thing she knew he would be trying to sell her a pink gun that was the length of her hand. "Nah. My boyfriend couldn't make it." Todd raised a bushy eyebrow, silently asking for further information. "He's at home playing with his barbie dolls. I'm the one with the balls in the relationship."Layia cracked a smile and Todd burst out laughing. Most women that came through his shop didn't have half her sass. They tended to glance around nervously while their husbands or boyfriends picked out a piece. "What can I do fer ya?" So he didn't remember her. Layia wasn't surprised. Last time she hadn't been herself.- And of course, how could I not quote this part? Layia's back to her old self, full of confidence and attitude. Love her and love this chapter.
YAY for a new chapter. Loved every second of it. Thanks for the shout out love, you know I love reading for you and that I'll always be there. ) Love ya lots and CAN'T WAIT for an update. )
| Sparkly Blue Eyes chapter 21 . 10/3/2011
Hey girl, Happy to see an update for me to read! You know I love this story and every one of the chapter’s you write! And this was no exception, I loved it; every word – every letter. So filled and I agree, so important to the storyline. Amazing.
Loved that beginning scene, really setting out the scene and giving the reader an insight to all that is happening very quickly and efficiently ‘The apartment was empty with the exception of girl, her dark brown hair pulled into a ponytail. She wore a simple pair of jeans and black t-shirt. Layia. Joe was selling with Tommy off of Pappas Way while Heco was spending all day in the office with Dog, cooking large batches of their products. The leader, Billy, was driving around making sure everyone was in their assigned areas doing their jobs. They were going after Hayes the following night. No errors could be afforded.’ Have to say with the way this built, I was excited! )
I enjoyed reading the conversation between Layia and Natalie, they have been through so much and well… your writing really portrays the emotions and feelings they both have surrounding the situation ‘"Tomorrow Dante Hayes breathes his last breath." The words felt like the sweetest honey rolling over her tongue. There was a power uttering that sentence while knowing it was a solid truth, no longer a dream. Silence. Only the sound of exhales passed through the receiver. Natalie was processing the information, letting it fully sink in. "Take the first flight out, or the bus." Layia continued but her voice held more softness. "You can come home." Hearing that made Natalie began to cry, sobs of overwhelming emotions that Layia could feel even through the plastic device. Natalie's parents would be thrilled to see their daughter again. Layia couldn't even imagine.’ Long quotes I know but I just love this, I love your writing – everything about it.
I’m sorry but woowie girl, *fans self* Billy, hot damn diggity! Your description had me near dribbling – spot on, I love that man from head to toe! ‘Layia's tired eyes darted towards Billy who had already taken off his leather jacket, leaving him in a simple black wifebeater. Those looked so good on him it should be illegal. Hugging his solid muscles and revealing an enticing amount of the spiraling ink on his chest and back. An irresistible sin wrapped in dark cotton. Layia fought the urge to lick her lips at the magnificent sight.’
You were making me smile girl, the principles that lay behind some of the writing, like the meaning behind the bracelet – LOVE. There is love and emotion behind that so why would Layia even think about buying a new one when the old one holds so more value and memory ‘"Wouldn't be the same." Their mother had given Kalila the bracelet just like she bestowed Layia with the necklace. Layia knew that. True, she couldn't remember actually receiving it but in her heart she believed it to be a reality. Otherwise her thoughts about the presents in Hayes's dungeon didn't make sense. "It was a gift from our mother." Layia clarified and understanding flickered in Billy's cobalt orbs.’
‘Then Billy's sapphire hues connected to her hazel pools and he relaxed. Her ability to calm him down continued to amaze Billy. It's as though without trying she numbed the tension and anger throughout his body. Was she taming him? No. The very word made Billy cringe internally. It was something else. But what? He couldn't put his finger on the exact expression but Layia was working with him. It's as though they flowed together and that's what made the difference.’ Another thing I LOVE. Your descriptions, Billy’s sapphire hues and her hazel pools? Wow, just perfect writing. )
Just the pure emotion put into this chapter girl, it blew me away from start to finish; you really do have an amazing talent – just wow…again ) I love the relationship between Billy and Layia, they are both so strong yet they are comfortable with one another to be soft when the other one needs it – realistic for them indeed ‘Billy wasn't sure how long she'd been silently admiring his mother's memento before Layia rose from the chair and positioned herself on his lap. Without thinking about it Billy's arms encircled her, like it was the natural thing to do. His azure pools continued observing Layia holding onto the cross necklace. Despite all her movements she hadn't let it go, not even for a second. Layia leaned forward, bent her head and pressed her lips to Billy's cheek. He stiffened, not used to being kissed on the cheek. Had he ever been kissed there? Billy highly doubted it. Most girls went right for something else, his greedy tongue or his throbbing cock. This was different. Her lip's trailed over his jaw in butterfly kisses until she reached his mouth. Then Layia's soft petals instantly warmed Billy's in the softest kiss he had ever received.’ Just the thoughts and emotions combined – detailed brilliantly )
By the way babe, the way you told the back story of Layia was done perfectly – the way you spread it out with Layia bit by bit telling Billy – LOVE. One thing I did smile and nod at in agreement was when she explained about the cops and them not doing anything – very real. She had to do this by herself to get anything done, relying on the law is not always the way ‘Eventually she was able to pull herself off the floor and clear out before the cops arrived. What would she have told the police if they found her? The truth so they could write it down? Let the case go through the system for years before anything was done? Relying on law enforcement would be stupid and futile. One of the many reasons Layia had never gone that route. She knew what the results would be. Better to live on her own terms and take revenge for the wrong doings inflicted upon her family. At least that's what she vehemently believed until tonight, until it all came crashing down. As she drove along the streets that dreary evening everything was covered in a bleak haze, obstructing anything of remote importance. And Layia was completely numb.’ :D Especially liked you keeping her raw emotions flowing through! Perfect.
If I had to quote everything I enjoyed, I’d have to quote the whole chapter – the whole story, every flashback because you wrote it spot on. Step by step you detailed what her life was like, what she felt; everything. Just Perfect. Just Wow girl.
‘That night Layia was curled in the backseat of her charger. At least no one could take this away from her. She owned it, every single inch of the raw steel. A chill coursed through Layia's body, making her pull the simple jacket against her shivering form. That's all she had as a blanket, a worn tan coat that used to be Kalila's. It's the only physical item she had left of her sister's. Layia wouldn't part with the precious fabric for any amount of money, no matter how much her mind went. In Layia's eyes it was truly priceless.’ LOVE how at the end of the day she had her Charger – in a way that was still a home for her – 4 walls and a roof in some way – a place she could call her own ) Amazingly done!
:D :D :D THIS BIT for Billy, nice touch inputted here ‘If someone had taken Joe away Billy would have turned into crazed, vengeful man. An unstoppable force. Naturally Billy assumed he would walk the violent path but he thought that would have been Layia's response too. Maybe some things you couldn't know for sure until it became a reality. With any luck Billy would never have to discover what his true reaction would be.’
PERFECTO SPOT ON TO HUMAN EMOTION! ‘Breathe, just remember to breathe. In and out. Exhale and Inhale. Common human survival instinct. As Layia kept watching the cheerful siblings she realized something. Her sitting here, letting herself become useless wasn't helping her own sister. Kalila would continue to be tormented and made to suffer unless Layia accepted the challenge life had placed in front of her.’ Very true and this has hit home a little with me – love, girl truly amazing – truly powerful!
:D Good girl, going back for her babies! I loved this chapter girl, couldn’t get enough – so detailed, so right for Layia and her story! NOW I am increasingly excited for whats to come – always leaving me wanting more! HAHA Update soon girl! I demand it :P
*HUGS* Love ya
| anonymous chapter 10 . 9/30/2011
YAY! I love this story. It's my favorite. :) You're a very talented writer! Love how you got Joe in there. :D Love both the Darleys.
| xThexFightingxIrishx chapter 17 . 9/6/2011
this was a REALLY great chapter dear. there was a lot going on in this one. there were the little intimate moments between layia and billy, which i found very sweet and endearing. there was that marilyn manson song - which i looked up on youtube by the way and i'm now HOOKED on that. there was the flashback of her and her sister, which gave a little more information about her past to the light. and then there was her and billy talking about how they were both ready to go after hayes and SOON. and lastly there was billy finally showing her not ONLY comfort but that sex could be pleasure greater than she'd ever imagined, whic is really essential for her because she never would've figured it could actually bring her pleasure instead of pain. they're wearing through each other's walls and they're getting close. this is a great story so far dear. :)
| Zohra89 chapter 9 . 9/5/2011
| Zohra89 chapter 6 . 9/5/2011
This girl is so bad ass, LOVE IT! PERFECT for Billy! :D
| Zohra89 chapter 4 . 9/4/2011
OMG! I LOVE THIS GIRL! SHE'S SO BADASS! Thank you for FINALLY writing an AMAAAAZING Death Sentence fic that's actually WRITTEN WELL! UGH! Do you know how hard that is to come by? AND I LOVE THE PLOT! I can't wait to find out more about this girl! I love the MYSTERY! :D GREAT JOB!
| BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE chapter 20 . 8/31/2011
Okay, don't kill me! I know what you're thinking. I've gotta lotta 'splainin to do! I juat stared school again, and my parents were behaving like dumbasses and completely destryed the computer, so sadly I can't write anything.
Okay, let's see what I missed...
Heco using Billy's drugs again...*sigh* when will my Latin singer learn? Haha, I love how angry Billy is. Just makes him a lot hotter...)
"Fuckin' Heco can run man!" Hahahahaha, wow Baggy, that was his best line yet...well, in this chapter anyways :). Dang, now Baggy has to deal with Heco while being high? Tsk tsk tsk...
Back to Billy, lol. So, now that Heco is gone..hopefully...Billy and Layia can have some alone time...hehehe.
Joey! Damn you!
| MrsMercer chapter 20 . 8/15/2011
Oohhh! My god. This chapter was my fave so far. I loved every second of it.
I have to apologise for the late review, sorry hun. But it was well worth the wait.
Ha! Billy hmm...love him. Always like to see a little jealous Billy and Heco, he killed me in this. And then when Joe stepped in...loved it.
Ly is just as brutal as Billy, they are just so perfect for each other.
When they were having that deep conversation, I could just imagine Billy's face. So perfect.
Keep up the AMAZING work xx