WOW, Edward is seriously contradictive in chapter two. He's talking about protecting women and children and that his protectiveness must come from how his mother raised him. But yet he literally OWNS a fucking whore house! He acts all chivalrous for Bella but not a few seconds before that he was telling Lauran to go fuck men (to make him money).

Bella having panic attacks, fainting, nightmares, and being an all around damsel over this situation with James is so over done. Most women wouldn't act this way. Cause we wear big girl panties! I mean seriously? Nightmares and fucking fainting? How childish.

That whole "I know someone is here to protect me" shit was just that, shit. The instant fairytale love and trust is just...….sigh...its really out of place in this story. I prefer a much realer approach in story telling.

And Bella questions whether Rose would give up her secrets, then decides that obviously Rose wouldn't but not long before that Bella wondered how Emmett knew her "secret" nickname. Sooooo obviously Rose would give up her "secrets" huh? But really...a "secret" nickname? I rolled my eyes when I read that.

And why do you constantly have Edward questioning his own thoughts? Its really annoying. He's thinking oh she's beautiful and then immediately thinking "did I really just think that?". I get that your TRYING to imply that this is out of character for him but there are much better ways to go about it.

I feel like this story could be good if you approached it very differently or if someone else wrote it. Younger audiences might like it but it's too juvenile for more...educated readers, in my opinion. Also, you have a lot of grammar issues. Spell check should never be your only editing tool, you should reread your work, word for word.

Its pretty obvious that you used spell check but didn't actually edit this. Because really how can bella look "intimidate", that doesn't even make sense. And besides that there are a lot of other grammar issues.

I don't like how you have both Bella and Edward over describe the other. And it's so amazingly cheesy. A little more real life and a little less fairytale would be good. The whole its HER and LA GASP its HIM shit was just extra hint about "the one" from Alice wasn't necessary either, AT ALL.

And Bella...lol...who orders onions in their drink? Especially when at a club?

Why must bella always over react? PTSD, Fainting, all this weird blame, suicidal thoughts...its just ridiculous. I would have rather read her deal like a normal person then all this weird shit.

So...The sex sure has been cheesy. He filled my body and soul...PUKE And honestly? This story really doesn't need a lemon every chapter. Their cheesy boring sex isn't sexy!

Bella has one class...ONE and shes hospitalized for exhaustion? Bitch please.

And whats with all of the obvious pregnancy hints? Your readers aren't fucking stupid, one hint would be fine but you just go on and on and on and on. WE GET IT! She throws up! WE GET IT! And while were on the subject of on and on, the sex is boring and repetitive.

Im surprised that Bella agreed to marry him. She just found out that he had a fucking harem. Im sorry but that says a lot about a man, and its not anything good. She still doesn't know that he runs a whore house. These are things that would bother me. And I guess it just proves that bella has no clue who he is. She just turns a blind eye to his business. Its so fucking weird.

Jake went about that all wrong. If he really wanted to get to her he should have came prepared. He should have told her about the sex trafficking, drugs, murder etc. Not just, "you know hes in the mafia?".

What a huge crock of shit. Edward says that he cant control his temper when women are harmed or threatened. BUT HE'S OK RUNNING A FUCKING WHORE HOUSE ABOVE HIS CLUB? WTF?

geez, it was good until you started with the weird ptsd panic attack. You don't need all that unlikely bullshit to make bella vulnerable or scared. Its just embarrassing.

this story has been amazing. i loved every bit of it even the pay back they got on Jacob lmao. well written well executed this is just an amazing story. kudos

This is cute

I know it’s been a long time, but will you finish the story?

I can't stop thinking about Bella and Edward