|Reviews for Beyond the horizion|
| Soratane chapter 1 . 11/27/2014
Dearie, don't tell the readers what happen, show it to them. It makes it more exciting. You have talent and potential. Your stories and ideas are very original (in the good way, of course), but there is a lot to learn about literature to draw in a reader. How old are you? You are doing AWESOME, so keep at it and become an amazing writer. You can do it! Even if you can't become a pro, you can make it a hobby, and that will reach out to many others, and forever more leave an imprint in their hearts.
| Fallen Sensation chapter 1 . 2/26/2012
The basic idea for the story is good, however, there is a lot of repatition, spelling and punctuation errors and confused paragraphing. I'm not sure if this is because when you write you don't pause to consider grammer, which shows how enthusiastic you are for writing, but also causes problems if, once you have completed the writing, you do not go back and make corrections.
The story is good, but could become much better if corrections are made (even if that is done by coping and pasting to a word document and using their checks) and also if some back story is given to the main characters (eg. who is the main character, and Grimoire? At present they are characters that a reader is thrown into discovering and trying to access, but if you altered the writing so the characters become people that the reader knows a little about before their paths cross - which is when she becomes kidnapped - then the story will become much more accessable and enjoyable to read).
I realise that this review seams very negative, but I promise it is not. I have made so many suggestions because I believe the story idea has potential, but the potential of it is being hindered by the errors.
| aj chapter 1 . 1/20/2012
The story isn't boring at all but if it was more romance in between Chris Nd Ally it would grab attention more but ur motives are good!
| Lilith chapter 1 . 11/19/2011
Um...Okay, so when will be the next chapter?
and did you ever thought about doing Vampire The Masquerade:Redemption?
It is a great Game/Story that's before Vampire The Masquerade:Bloodlines.
I mean Christof Romuald, Ancient Brujah Promethian Vampire that has Powers from almost All Vampire Clans.
The Only Vampire that has 100% Humanity.
Rank:Methuselah,Antediluvian(Almost an Antediluvian, not that far for becoming one)
Age:800 years(in Vampire Bloodlines, Christof would be 900 year Old Antediluvian Vampire,a young Antediluvian).
Strenght and Power: well since Christof has Powers from Both First Vampires(Caine and Egypt Set The Vampire) He is very Powerful Vampire.
Christof is Older than Smiling Jack, Lacroix,Strauss and Isac.
Origin of Christof's Vampirism dates Dark Ages, where Vampires could learn and have many disciples besides their own.
By killing more powerful creatures and vampires, Christof has risen beyond Fledgling and became an Methuselah, By Killing Vukodlak, Christof became an Antediluvian(Those Antediluvian Vampires are ForeFathers of Kindred)a Kindred who is Godlike to younger and elder Vampires alike.
Since Christof has 100%humanity and is an Antediluvian Vampire, he can have kid with his Anezska.
Christof is a true Kindred, that means he is more powerful than rest of his younger weaker Clan Brujah.
By being a 7 generation, Christof is Powerful enough to challenge Third Generation, his sire and rest of Forefathers. and Christof could challenge and even Kill Caine.