|Reviews for Sins of the Father|
| Smith Smithson chapter 3 . 8/5/2011
Good chapter so far, I'm looking forward to more.
And while I respect your decisions as an author, and I can empathize with having Writer's ADD, I'm hoping it won't take a month and a half for each chapter to come out, because that would make me sad.
| Mystics Apprentice chapter 3 . 8/2/2011
Well, thank you for keeping me in mind whilst writing this chapter ;) Honestly, I felt as though the length of the previous chapters were fine; pretty much anything over 3,000 words is excellent.
Hmm, I have mixed feelings about this chapter. I liked it, but not quite as much as the first two. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it was, but it felt rather fast-paced, and perhaps a tad bit rushed. It definitely wasn't bad, and was in fact rather good, but it just didn't have that same impressive, lovely flow as the previous two had.
I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your original draft of this chapter; that must've been terrible. It would've sent me cursing, that's for sure, and I doubt that I would've gotten around to re-writing it at quickly as you had :)
I really enjoyed the scene with Eoleo and Amiti; they are rather interesting together. It was also a nice surprise that you decided to make them friends within this story, as I've seen so many where they're arch-enemies despite the fact that they'd worked together to end the Eclipse. I like both ways, really, but it was quite fun to see your take on the matter. Loved the personality that you gave Eoleo - he had me cracking up in several instances. Anyway, I really liked this scene, and am glad that Eoleo agreed to take Amiti to Prox regardless if they get greeted with embers, hehe.
It was something about the flashback/dream scene with Alex that didn't quite appeal to me in the same way as everything else had. Perhaps it was the flow, but perhaps it also seemed like there was a little too much information provided and not enough of the actual scene itself shown? It felt as though a story was being told to us, but not as though we (the readers) actually were witnessing it, as with all of your other previous scenes and chapters.
One thing I noticed is that you wrote some sentences without adding commas, where it would've helped to break up the sentence and aid the flow immensely. Here's a couple of examples:
"That was a problem as Alex only saw this compassion as a limitation."
Perhaps place a comma after "problem"
"That rock must've been assigned to guard the Stars so surely it had decided to punish them since we got away."
Comma after "Stars"
"They seemed to be doing that right now in fact though it hardly looked as if it was going well."
Either a comma or semicolon after 'fact'.
Anyway, I'm probably nit-picking here, hehe, but I think if you added some commas more frequently it would help clear up the sentences and aid the flow a bit ;) There were many instances where you'd done wonderfully though; so don't mind me too much :P
Otherwise, everything looked great. I'm amazed at the "zero" count of spelling errors, and the grammar ones were at such a bare minimum that they aren't worth commenting on. It was rather impressive, and rarely do I find fanfics that are as well-written as yours :D
Anyway, that's it for a review for now. I'm still immensely enjoying this, and I greatly look forward to the next chapter once you find the inspiration to write it :)
| Mystics Apprentice chapter 2 . 6/17/2011
Another well written chapter. I really like the direction that this story is headed thus far!
The lack of dialogue was fine, and was actually needed for this chapter; you explained all of the past events so as to better make sense of what is going on in the present, which was necessary all the way around.
I really appreciated all the care to detail that your writing consists of - particularly when you were describing the Grave Eclipse, and the impact it made on people. It's details that are quite difficult to fathom unless written cleanly in your face, and with this it was really quite imaginable. This is definitely a strong point within your writing.
The length of this chapter was also a bonus :D The 2,000 word long ones just don't quite suffice it ;)
Anyhow, great chapter. I anxiously look forward to reading the next one!
| BlueSkyHeaven chapter 2 . 6/14/2011
Even though there wasn't a lot of dialogue, I felt that the whole running through Amiti's head the things that happened was necessary. I mean, if you didn't explain the whole thought process it would make the decisions he make a little rushed. I like the way you write and I'm Lao happy to see chapter 2. Hopefully chapter 3 will come out soon! Keep working hard!
| Smith Smithson chapter 1 . 5/30/2011
Damn, glad I stumbled upon this. I've been keeping my eyes peeled for Alex and Amiti fics, but they always seem to be few and far between...
You've got something good going here. It's well written, in-character (Especially during the dream sequence/flashback) and nicely paced. And there's stormshipping to boot. Nothing really to criticize so far, except that there isn't already another chapter. Keep up the good work.
| BlueSkyHeaven chapter 1 . 5/15/2011
I was a little confused when I was reading the first flashback/dream since it was Amiti but this fic is awesome! I like the little fight scene and the detail you put into things! Hopefully you'll continue with this fic soon! Keep up the great work!
| Mystics Apprentice chapter 1 . 5/9/2011
I've been scanning the Golden Sun category frequently for fanfics dedicated mainly to Amiti, and was thrilled when I saw this one show up. To top it off, I find out that there'll be stormshipping AND it appears that there's a bit of Alex mixed in here too, which just made me happier with this fanfic all the more :D
The writing style was excellent. You added plenty of detail and emotion to the writing. The grammar was also superb. I want to say the characterization looks pretty good so far, but then again it's sort of hard to tell as Amiti really hasn't said much yet.
I really liked the first part of this chapter, how you revisited the past when Alex first got the notion to go about claiming the Stone of Sages. It's not something that I see noted very much, so it was definitely refreshing to see. Although I probably preferred Dark Dawn over the first two games, it's nice to see the original story and characters play apart as well. I was sort of disappointed that none of the original heroes really made an entry in DD, save for Isaac, Garet and Alex.
An excellent first chapter, I can't wait to see where it progresses from here!
Keep up the excellent work and update again soon!
| Cstan chapter 1 . 5/9/2011
It's been a long ten years, huh? The good old days.
An interesting start for your newest work so I'll be looking out for updates on how you plan to develop this story. I always find fics which deal with Alex and Alex/Veriti/Amiti highly interesting if only for the fact that Alex is such a miysterious "villain" (if he even is one, it's hard to tell sometimes).
See you next chapter.