|Reviews for Through the eyes of a snake|
| eclipseX chapter 8 . 6/3/2011
really good chapter. i felt bad for ayame.
| Anttolas chapter 8 . 6/3/2011
i liked how you portrayed Ayame, i don't like whats happening to her, but at the same time the way it fits into the story so well makes me like the story better, so i get conflicted at stuff like that, but that just makes the story and you're writing so much better, i will be seeing you next chapter:)
| Hades252 2 chapter 8 . 6/3/2011
A great update, Naruto's growth as a shinobi is going well now that he has the correct information and it's good that his new diet has help his body recover and grow stronger as well. Though, because of his new diet, he learns a harsh truth which sends him down a darker path. Personally, a Orochimaru like Naruto seems to be a very interesting idea and make him more prepared for the harsh life he will have into his career. Though, I wonder what Orochimaru himself will feel seeing someone following the same path of growth he himself had went through before he became disillusioned from the horrors of his ninja career and gained a lust for power making him fall into the darker side of the shinobi world. I'm impressed on how well this story is going and I look forward to the next update to see what happens next.
| MKTerra chapter 8 . 6/3/2011
I dont know if I should call you a moron yet, as youve yet to taken any of my advice. Your story and characterizations are fine, dammit! Its your fucking writing that needs work!
Grammar is bad in several places.
Roughly 75% of your sentences are too long and NEED to be cut down and separated quite a bit. The term in English referring to your love of sentences being too long is called "run-on sentence". When your sentences ramble on too long, grammar is affected severely, and usually for the worse. Cut down on the unnecessary, useless, and goddamn pointless bits of description that are not needed! Im almost to the point that Im going to start flaming you.
Next fucking lesson: STOP. USING. APOSTROPHES. FOR. PLURALS. Oh, Im sorry, you probably didnt understand that lasy word... You woulda had it as "plurals", wouldnt you? Why is it so goddamn fucking hard for morons on this site to understand that plurals (meaning more than one, as in the result of 11 and every other number GREATER than 1) do NOT get an apostrophe? The apostrophe is , if you didnt understand. Also, not that although Jutsu is singular, Ninjutsu is both. Ninjutsus (or how you had it, Ninjutsus) is incorrect.
Also, heres the correct way stories go: when theres dialogue, it goes: "(dialogue)" (speaker name) (verb) (end of paragraph?) "(dialogue resumed)" (Resume paragraph)
Essentially, characters get a snippet of dialogue, insert (name) says, and either end the paragraph or add another piece of dialogue, and then continue. If you add any more dialogue, then you MUST start a new paragraph. While not typical novel format, Ill start a new paragraph after any dual dialogue sections.
Another thing that is really pissing me off: your constant use of the word "verse". The way you use it is incorrect, and you could simply use the word fight or fought, depending on the tense. Youre simply using it because it sounds like versus, which essentially means "against". You also spelled "spoiled" incorrectly several thousand times.
Get your shit together or Ill start flaming. I cant allow bad writing habits to be nurtured or be passed on to other people in any way.
| wil chapter 8 . 6/3/2011
i like the story and the tranformation naruto is going through and how it is not going too fast, but is he going to get summon any snakes before the chunnin exams or is he going to get the contract at the same time he got the toads?
| iixorijuos chapter 8 . 6/2/2011
I wonder if Haku and Zabuza would die or live?, And will Naruto associate with Anko, cause she can summon snake as well?
| Dragon Noir chapter 7 . 6/2/2011
good going, though maybe you could have Naruto talk about his medical report, at least to Hiruzen. As well, though I completely understand Naruto's new way of thinking and habits, Sasuke blatantly stole his jutsu, copying it by accident during the fight with the iwa nin was one thing, but now he used it in the sideline of a teammate's sparring session with intent to copy what he could... that's blatant thievery and a direct insult to his teammates. With this said, I'm put out by the end of this chapter, I expected Naruto to at least excuse himself for the day, stating that he wasn't of the frame of mind right now to work with a thief, or at least calling Sasuke out on his stealing his jutsu. Speaking of Naruto's new habits, I understand your explanation of the interaction between Naruto and Sakura at the training grounds, but instead of letting in on the first punch, he could have just caught it and say his piece on why he was reading the book. Good work and I can't wait to see when will the snakes make the next contact, and how the other rookies will react to the 'new' Naruto
| noshadowone chapter 7 . 5/31/2011
For every jutsu sasuke copies naruto should demand to be taught a hutsu sasuke knows
| aprilliarsv chapter 7 . 5/30/2011
I liked this chapter and I like how Naruto is getting stronger but he doesn't go from normal to godly in like two weeks like alot of stories update soon
| Dea7hly Jes7er chapter 7 . 5/30/2011
Wow, what the hell man!
You have over seventy-thousand words for this story, and where have you gotten so far... no where and Naruto is still a push-over. I like that you have an alternative pairing but you're taking forever to get it going. Also why didn't Naruto go to a Med-nin and have them fix his leg, seriously the last like twenty-five thousand words have been about Naruto bitching about his leg being in a cast like he was some civilian (you might have written why somewhere but, honestly, I skim through this story hoping to finally see the good parts). I get that some people like slow build-up but damn this is ridiculous. Also I like when Naruto finally get the cast off Kakashi says that apparently the Kyuubi can't heal a sprained ankle ...lmao way to go on that one.
| You need help chapter 1 . 5/29/2011
"Sakura was not someone that they would allow him to date because they thought that she did not hold herself with proper conduct of a kunoichi in training."
She's twelve, she note old enough to date or know to be a proper shinobi. Name one of them who was. Also, Naruto is twelve. WDF is wrong with you? Why even bother bringing it up?
Sasuke sounds more than a bit off. Did you even read or watch naruto?
| leseras chapter 1 . 5/29/2011
This is a pretty good concept actually. Now that I think about it Naruto is extremely similar to Orochimaru.
They have the same element. (wind)
They are both hated by the village for unreasonable things. (Hey if ninjas kill daily I think Orochimaru experimenting to gain more power isn't really that ruthless, cause he's a ninja, he's suppose to be ruthless.)
They are both smarter then most people. (Naruto, pranks, get it?)
As opposed to Jiraiya who uses fire element, it seems that being a toad summoner is not the best for Naruto, it even is the opposite of his element.
| kj chapter 7 . 5/29/2011
it a good story but when is naruto learning snake because sasuke can't copy them unless he sign the snake contract
| Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 7 . 5/29/2011
| animelover chapter 7 . 5/29/2011
this was a good chapter, but i think that you should make things less detail oriented a just move along with the story, a time skip. if you dont i want to see naruto somehow meet team Guy, that would be funny.