|Reviews for Closure|
| Guest chapter 3 . 5/16/2011
Ah! Now I get it. I thought we might be heading for fifteen years of war-torn childhood. I don't know if I could handle that!
It's not clear to me how she could write with her eyes shut. Maybe she was dictating with some funky futuristic implant?
Gills? How fascinating. That's another one of those passing comments that really makes the reader curious. Nicely done.
When she started writing, it was Tanka that was in the room. There is no mention of her at the end but Luka walks in. I find that a bit inconsistent; I think Tanka would have helped bookend the reminiscence. Alternatively, you could have had some sort of reference back to the "ghosts"?
Very interesting with some very good technique. This is the sort of short little vignette that you can use later as part of a larger story. Keep it in your back pocket and rework it occassionally as ideas strike. It seems that you most definitely have *lots* of ideas popping up.
| Guest chapter 2 . 5/16/2011
Brutal. What a bleak story. I'm glad that you hurry past their deaths! I hope it cheers up a bit.
When Kat returns to her parent's grave in the middle of the night, is that a dream sequence? I have to assume so since the grave is in another village. Perhaps you could make that a bit clearer. At this stage of the story, I'm not sure if ghosts are part of this world or not. If this is a magic-laden world with ghosts, then perhaps a bit of foreshadowing before their death would have helped soften the blow.
Perhaps this will become clear in the next chapter...
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/16/2011
I haven't read Cherry Heaven but I think I get the gist of it.
You utilize some very good devices to open the story: short statements with strong impact at the beginning and the end and numerous references to the past that create questions in the reader's mind.
Here are a few observations:
 There are a few spelling and gramatical errors that should be corrected.
 The statement "Or squat, you're dead" doesn't seem to suit the simile.
 You write "in this terror stricken city. The five-cities." I don't get it. Is it one city or five? And should that be "The Five Cities"? Perhaps if I'd read the Cherry Heaven book (or books?) I'd understand but it still comes across a bit confusing.
Now to find out what happened fifteen years ago...