|Reviews for One Shot: A Big Day|
| msmhawkins chapter 1 . 8/7/2014
This was amazing! Loved It!
| DettyisLove chapter 1 . 4/21/2012
This was so beautifully written! loved the detail and the characterization! Really brought more to the characters! )
| kataragurl27 chapter 1 . 6/17/2011
i like it
| sugaralmond chapter 1 . 5/19/2011
Art. Total art. Bless you for sharing.
| luz banjogal chapter 1 . 5/17/2011
I know that my comments are overly long and this one most of all! I hope you do not mind but I feel strongly that material of this quality deserves more than the typical one-line that says good job and begs for more.
Like your other fictions, this story was so very good, with details of the two “classes” of families and the mid-80s (Madonna, Gremlins, the A Team). But I am most impressed by the amazing layers of characterization for children. More on this below. I also loved the contrasts of rich versus poor, with the oxfords, attitudes about ruined pants, the ice cream and building set for Daniel’s injury against Hilda’s hopes for something besides rice and beans for dinner the day a baby is born, the difference in parental involvement. Even distracted by a huge event, after her hard day Hilda is invited to snuggle with her mother, while Daniel, after his terrible day, is left to play and fall into a drug-induced sleep with no grownup even watching over him. Not unkindly or with neglect, but with concern that is shown more materially.
It was tremendously satisfying to meet Daniel and Alex and Hilda (and Gina!) as children. We get the Daniel we saw on screen, but the 9-year-old version: adorable, whiny, competitive, tenacious, sensitive, weak and strong, attractive to women/girls. We get the Alexis we saw on screen: competitive, a mixture of unethical and confused and ashamed and overconfident and sensitive. It is very obvious young Alex cares about his brother but he is too competitive to let his guard down, even though he so badly wants to. Hilda is very innocent but already the rough edges in her neighborhood are starting to reach her. You captured her in those moments before she had to become more street smart. You make us wonder how much her parents are educating her and how much she has educated them and whether her relationship with her new sister will be akin to Alex's with his younger brother. Her fears about menstruation strike so close to home and yet the way they are interlaid with Alex’s fears about what his shameful thoughts might mean brings such depth to the piece. I cannot quite explain why that was so powerful to me.
Some other favorite lines because they show so much or are just such beautiful writing:
“So, when he felt that twisting bellyful of shame by the pool in Maui, he squashed it by challenging Danny to a cannonball contest—an easy win because he had two years and 30 pounds on his scrawny brother, who rose to every challenge with moth-to-fire enthusiasm.” There is so much character for both Daniel and Alex packed into this one sentence.
“Lots of heated Spanish (despite the new rule), then two English words, "head gasket," and back to Spanish for a number that Hilda quickly translated as "six hundred and fifty fucking dollars." A bit of humor and a lot of statement about the Suarezes' background and financial situation.
“Piss Danny off and he would spill secrets as readily as he vomited shrimp.” Such an Alexis thing to say.
“Oh, the relief that came with Papi's arms around here, his scent of cigars and canned shirt starch. Now Hilda did start crying, big terrible sobs that she had tucked up inside her chest all day.” Simply gorgeous writing.
“A jolt of pride lanced Alex's chest, especially when Daniel grimaced and climbed on his bike, riding at a snail's pace, left hand on the handlebars while he glued his right hand to his chest. They bumped along the trail, Daniel screwing up his face so tight that Alex wondered how he could see. He kept hearing his own terrible voice—"Look out!"—and rifled through plausible reasons for yelling such a thing. He could say he saw a squirrel. Or that he didn't know if Daniel saw the mud. No, the squirrel was better. God, he wished he could take it back.” The pride, the guilt, the desperate need to escape punishment, the pain, the heroism. The description in the next paragraph of Daniel seeing his mother’s car and only then allowing himself to come apart, and Alex himself losing his cool, was heartwrenching. Beautiful work.
This story has mesmerized me today. My apologies for filling the box.
| JC chapter 1 . 5/17/2011
I love it and wish there were more of it. This says one shot but surely you could be persuaded to turn it into more?
| allyson chapter 1 . 5/17/2011
It has been a long time since I have read a story on fan fiction and felt like I had to comment because it is so good. This is so "rich with details" that Alex's teacher would be proud. My graduate studies instructor would be proud! I come on here now and then to read silly fics as a break from studying and I haven't seen your stories before. This morning I read all 4 and I am really a little blown away by the quality of writing. You must be one of those fan fiction writers who does this for fun between publishing novels. (I know there are a couple of y ou out there!) I thank you so much for sharing your talent.