|Reviews for Steps to Freedom|
| Storm Dragon Girl chapter 28 . 3/3/2012
If I didn't know Anders was still alive, I say that Anders was haunting Fenris. Trolling him from beyond the Fade. jk. But dang that's a lot of guilt tripping right there. I don't know whether to knock some sense into him or hug him.
Varric was hilarious though constantly insisting that Fenris had to take the couch. But of course he be on the couch. Bianca is the only one that can sleep beside Varric. I am I evil? I couldn't help but laugh when Varric joked about kill Anders. Thinking of something along the lines of, "if only you knew." or "Well guess it's a good thing he was saved, so you could kill him too." I love Anders really I do.
Well Anders should have put a footnote on his note to Liam, something along the lines of "Don't you dare tell Nate.". Nope he isn't getting out of this easy isn't.
I can't wait to see what Fenris will do now that he knows Anders is alive.
| paulaH and GJ chapter 28 . 3/2/2012
These two are just...tragic. But, surely, they can get over this "you killed me!" "I killed you!" thing and get it together. paulah
| Maiafay chapter 27 . 2/24/2012
Well, isn't this a glorious mess? Fenris and Anders are both stubborn babies in need of a good spanking. Each one is unwilling to admit fault until it's too late. And in this case, I hope Fenris can rectify the situation. And your Hawke...While I understand her anger, she went a little overboard with the mage hate there. In the next chapter, I would like someone to tell her “I told you so” about Meredith. Maybe not quite in those words, but some acknowledgment of the brain fart with Hawke's actions would be great. At least a: “sorry I killed innocent mages,” would be something.
I really thought you would kill Anders. I have no idea why, but perhaps I need to stop reading tragedies – or stories that are all angst and brooding. I do think Anders, as a character, jumped the gun here and overreacted (as game Anders did in general at this point), when Fenris left. Yet, Fenris isn't innocent either. His indecisive nature became crippling here, his behavior and manner akin to picking daisy petals: I love him. I love him not.
It's a shame he waited so long to realize how mages are treated, and how he'd allowed his past to rule his present. I do hope Anders can forgive him, just as I hope Fenris can forgive Anders for blowing up the Chantry. I think love is powerful, and tolerant of many things. I believe Anders could make up for his egregious mistake, or at the very least – try to make amends for every innocent life he had taken. I still think Justice is fair, and can be convinced he drove Anders down the wrong path. Killing Chantry Mothers isn't the right way to freedom – and proves the Templars and Chantry right by saying mages are dangerous.
I feel your writing is advanced enough to handle some concrit in general. For the most part, your pacing, scenes, grammar, and emotions are great. The characters are believable and dialogue is realistic.
Though, I noticed this while reading this chapter.
He shifted almost instantly...
instead almost leaping to stand...
...he almost thought he
almost an hour...
And you have five more “almosts” after these. Almost is one of those words that are abused quite a bit. It's like the red flag shivering in the middle of a tug of war, but never pulled to any side. Either it is or it isn't. (In most cases, and notice I said most). Don't falter in the middle, pick a side – or in this case, stronger verbs.
Almost leaping jumped to his feet. Almost instantly he jerked away, or he recoiled, or the simple “he shifted”.
However, “almost thought” is appropriate for that sentence, and one of the instances where using almost helps rather than hinders.
If you're serious about writing, or improving your writing (even if only a hobby), try to commit to strong images, stronger nouns/verbs. Try to avoid adverbs. Use them to enhance – don't rely on them to “give” the image. They generate vague impressions: Angrily, happily, wickedly. They tell. They don't show.
Ex: Anders was sitting upright in his bed, one hand pressed to his forehead as he hunched over, his blond hair cascading messily over his shoulders.
Messily? What is messily? Is his hair in knots? Is his hair sticking out every which way? Is his hair frizzy? Is it a tad mussed? Messily can be many things. Try specific.
Try “tangled mess”, or “cascading nest of knots”, or something that gives a clearer image.
- He yanked his leggings on at an alarming pace, not even bothering to tie them up [properly] before reaching for his breastplate.
- He didn't stop to don his armour [properly], instead already heading towards the doors of the clinic, before he stilled with one hand extended towards the door handle. (note: properly's within two sentences of each other).
Try: He yanked his leggings on, not bothering to tie them before reaching for his breastplate. (yank already signifies hurrying, and not bothering to tie them also conveys hurrying).
He didn't stop to fasten every strap to the metal as he walked towards the doors of the clinic, where he stilled with one hand extended towards the handle.
(Repetition of doors, as readers would assume handle is the door's. And I'm also assuming Fenris does have some sort of fastening system to keep that breastplate on).
When you want a clear, concise image, use an action verb: i.e., run quickly rushed, hurried, or run. Running is already a quick action. Anything to modify it tends to be redundant.
Talk softly whispered, hushed tone. Flinched visibly flinch. Flinch is already a “visible” action. Twisted painfully lurched, shuddered, pang.
Think of your writing as a painting. You're painting with words, and every time you use an adverb, it's a smudge. A smudge in the right place, or a few in the right places? Perfect.
Too many smudges, and what do you have? A blurred painting when you wanted definition.
| Ventisquear chapter 27 . 2/24/2012
Fenris... how could you? I must say he's really getting on my nerves. Loving only when it's convenient and running away at any hint of a problem or disagreement. Anders might say that Fenris couldn't stop him, but I have a feeling that if he didn't dump him, perhaps it wouldn't happen that day. And maybe never.
Well at least he realized what a fool he was later, though I'm not sure I want Anders to forgive him. Anders would be much better with Liam.
That note broke my heart, and I wonder what will happen when Liam finds out who did it.
And I'm wondering who saved Anders. The Warden? Alistair? Carver?
| moonwarden chapter 27 . 2/21/2012
Oh my! oh MY! I almost cried, it is so good, so powerful... it reminds me a bit of the final Seichirou vs. Subaru fight (Tokyo Babylon) two lovers poised against the other because of life.
I loved the part where Fenris realized that mages also are slaves and of course, the appearance of Karl is a great touch!
| Andersine chapter 27 . 2/20/2012
Peeew! I feel all worn out after reading this chapter. Very touchy, very very good! - And as usual after ending a chapter in this story, I cannot wait for the the next one! Ok the last goes for every Fenders story that I have read written by you.
You are talented!
Thanks for sharing your stories. :)
| ThePandoricaWillOpen chapter 27 . 2/17/2012
My poor heart, it hurts! So many heart strings were pulled in this chapter! I teared up at the beginning and the squeeled I delight at the end. How can you elisist so many emotional responses from me in one simple chapter? This fact is just amazing to me. Anyway, ican wait for the next one! My heart cant take any more angst, thought!
| Storm Dragon Girl chapter 27 . 2/17/2012
I had expected Hawke or Sebastian to kill Anders actually. But I was glad she didn't. Ah, Liam. It must be hard on him, he failed to stop/save Anders as he did his previous lover.
Welp I always thought that Caver was a tiny bit foolish for becoming a Templar. Joining the Templar Order without reading the fine print about annulling Circles with involve kill all mages regardless of possession, blood magic, and age. I couldn't see him killing children. (in origins there were kids as young as Conner.) But his choice.
As for Fenris, well I am glad he has seen his mistake in killing a certain apostate. Too bad it's a bit late and said apostate has been abducted by a mysterious party. I love that bit about Karl and I can't wait for the next bit because GODDAMMIT a CLIFFHANGER. jk.
| gatorsnacks chapter 27 . 2/17/2012
Poor Anders and his hurt heart :( *I hope Hawke dies*
| ItachiSasukeSama chapter 26 . 2/14/2012
Oh sweet Andraste's furry Ohgren tainted nipples...
Uh, ignore that...
I absolutely ADORE this. I was moderately disappointed by the Anders and Fenris Fiction on here, but I was so happy to find this!
It's well written, has EXCELLENT plot and so much smouldering attraction between my favourite two boy's that I just... I am putty in your hands as I await more of this.
Please, for the love of my sanity - please update this soon!
It's amazing and I am so pleased you've taken the time to write it so far...
Thank you for everything so far, and in advance for everything I'm looking forward to receiving in the (hopefully soon) future!
| Ventisquear chapter 26 . 2/9/2012
Yay for the update! :)
And, FINALLY they talked and Fenris actually LISTENED!
I just hope that once Anders is sober again, he won't ruin it and deny everything, or so Maker help me, I will kick him where it hurts.
Anders' dream about his past and present self and then the part in the Chantry were brilliant. It's good to see he's not completely giving up to Vengeance yet, that he still have doubts. And I loved Grand Cleric here.
| RewindedMiracle chapter 26 . 2/9/2012
I really liked the beginning. The comparison between then Anders and now Anders was really good and really well written.
It looks like Fenris and Anders finally gave into each other. OH MY GAWD I AM SO GLAD. I think that was the moment that we were all waiting for. lol
Isabela. I like how blunt she is. lol Having Anders drunk was a nice touch. I like how he seemed to sober up quickly in the end. Also, typical male of him to fall sleep right after sex. Pffft.
Also, nice with Fenris not saying 'I love you.' To me, I think he'll only say it when the occasion calls for it because he seems like the type that feels like he doesn't need to say it because his actions speak louder than words ever could. So yes, nice touch and it was very realistic for me.
Yay. I'm so glad you updated. xoxo
| moonwarden chapter 26 . 2/8/2012
I just loved the part of Anders's conflict with his old self, it was a great scene and completely unexpected and very useful into highlighting the change that Anders has endured because of Justice.
The part in the chantry was great, the silent stoicism of Anders onto doing what Justice wanted-
and of course the scene where both, at least admit their feelings, I loved it; still there is the feeling of "it's too late"
and of course I am happy to have a new chapter
| gatorsnacks chapter 26 . 2/8/2012
Now only if Fenris would say I love you D:
| FendersForever chapter 25 . 1/2/2012
Just reached the end of ch25, such a brilliant story. :)