Reviews for Threads
Jynto chapter 20 . 9/10/2013
I liked the references to LoTR and Narnia - two works of literature that Mr Pullman dislikes, and actively despises respectively. I imagine him wincing at the thought that one of his characters is a secret fan of Narnia, and it's a good mental image.

Your predictions for future technology were amusing off the mark. But who can blame you? Video-phones with projector screens were not a bad guess. But 'google' is a transitive verb, not an intransitive one as you've used it (tut, tut). And since Microsoft Windows was alive and well in 2010, I take it from Mary's comment of "Windows! How quaint!" that she's actually a smug Mac user, which is weird. I'd have put her down as more of a Linux person myself.

Okay, now for the actual critiquing.

I'm afraid I didn't enjoy this as much as Intentions. Compared to that, I found the characters in Threads less relatable. I felt like they were chess-pieces being moved around by the author (which was also a huge problem in The Amber Spyglass).

Mr Greaves wasn't a bad villain. I enjoyed his spectacularly described death scene (what's wrong with me?) But I feel you were trying too hard to make me hate him. He didn't even do anything that bad until he was mean to a child. And when that happened, I was more frustrated with Guili for needlessly running into his clutches (because she didn't hear Carlo's voice on the phone for a while, and jumped to the conclusion that he was in danger, and that she could help?) Like I say, chess pieces. The plot called for her to get captured, and so she did.

I'll still read the next sequel, but I may be tempted to skip some of the others, and read your later work.

The next is mainly a style point, but it relates to the above. This story is very dialog-heavy, and it is often hard to tell who is talking, especially in chapter 15, when there are more than two people in the conversation. It even briefly turned into a script-fic a few times. If I could give you one piece of writing advice 11 years ago, it would be to not be afraid to use the word 'said'.

I read an HDM fanfic after this that was mostly fluff, and I found Lyra and Will to be much more relatable in that interpretation. And I realised what was missing in this. There was a lot more written outside the quotation marks, even in passages of dialog.

"But there must be an infinite number of worlds of possibility in which the Knife was created"
Ach, this bugged me. The HDM multiverse can not be infinite. You can't have just one World Of The Dead for an infinity of worlds. This was sort of addressed by the idea of 'clusters', but there would still have to be a separate World Of The Dead for each cluster.

Also, they have absolutely no way of knowing this... "In our local cluster of worlds, there is only one Cittagazze, only one world full of wheeled creatures, only one where people's daemons are separate entities." ..., unless Giancarlo has been to every single one. Anyway, I'm not even sure why you put this in, as it's not exactly plot-relevant.

I'll leave you with one more little nitpick. When Will says "One Ring to rule them all." I don't believe for a moment that Kirjava would respond with "What?" She's a dæmon. She knows everything that Will knows. Of course she'd understand the reference.
little boy on her bike chapter 1 . 1/13/2007
hello. me again. i read this a real long time ago, and i remember liking it. love how gritty it is.
R.V. Kingsbury chapter 14 . 8/19/2004
this is an awesome story!

Just a thing to improve - there's a bit of confusion after Remiel speaks. The second line of dialogue (keep an eye out for us). I don't think that's remiel speaking. maybe you'd want to make that its own line of dialogue.

RavenLady chapter 20 . 4/26/2003
This is brilliant!
Ben Roshi chapter 20 . 12/14/2002
That was a great story, a perfect sequel to intentions. It has a unique way of telling a story, and a style that can be taken awe of. Its well done, and a nice change of pace towards the other ficts out there.
Justine6 chapter 20 . 8/26/2002
Another great piece of writing. Keep writing!
overhead chapter 1 . 5/6/2002
Hey, I have just read an article about buckyballs and i'm impressed how you implemented them into the story; nearly nothing is invented, this rather science than fiction...

i liked your hdm fanfics so much that i have put links to them on my site ( /his_dark_materials).

they're really cool!
TheNightIsFading chapter 20 . 5/5/2002
This is a very good story. I hope you plan to write a sequel to it.
Leefta chapter 20 . 5/5/2002
This is a truly exceptional piece. You have done an incredible job sewing together the characters and combining the plotlines. Pullman's characters (Will, Mary, Lyra) are portrayed in a very real way. You didn't stray from their personalities at all. Your own creations (Giancarlo, Guilietta, Judy, Lizzie) only accentuate the rich storyline you set up. I only hope you continue with a third series, and a fourth, and a fifth as well. And when you believe this is done, I highly reccomend you begin writing an original novel. You obviously have the skill, creativity and diligence to do so. May the road rise up to meet your feet and the sky bend down to bless your head.

ceres wunderkind nsi chapter 20 . 5/4/2002
I said that Mary had worked at CERN - the big supercollider in Switzerland (actually, it's so big it's in 3 countries!). She's pretty clued up in high-energy particle physics, so knowing how to drive a tokamak (there aren't very many in the world and she would surely be aware of the one that was practically on her doorstep) wouldn't have been so much of a big deal.

The B&K ITG is fictional, except that B&K are a IRL *very* respected instrument manufacturer.

morpherkidvb chapter 20 . 5/3/2002
Awww, that's so nice of you! I didn't really do much except review... and make inacurite predictions of what would happen... and do a lot more reading than writing...

And Mary's uncanny knoledge of the JET kind of unnerves me. Is this pure scientific instinct of physics or something more? Because she knew *everything*, it seemed, and it weirded me out.

Sequel? Well, I wasn't expecting one for Intentions, so go ahead and surprize me. (I hope!)

Dark Nation nsi chapter 20 . 5/1/2002
Very nice. I think this one was even better than the last. I seriously loved all the real science involved; that was probably my favorite element. 'Twas brilliant! Any more HDM stories in your future? _~
Wolf on Air chapter 20 . 5/1/2002
This, my friend, was awesome. Absolutely awesome. 200% great, and I mean it.
overhead chapter 18 . 4/30/2002
Kicks asses!
Dark Nation42 chapter 18 . 4/30/2002
This is totally awesome-the first HDM fic I've ever seen that accurately uses the physics involved-and it makes my HDM fic look like crap! _ This was so good. Love it...

By the way, thanks for volunteering to help with my formatting but I finally got the dang thing to work.
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