|Reviews for Shehecheyanu|
| gossamermouse101 chapter 20 . 7/22/2014
I love this story. Please continue it.
| anfiwyn chapter 2 . 11/19/2013
I'm liking what I've read from the first two chapters. the background on Elsa and the fact she's blind is intriguing. Glad to see you've already firmly the pevensie's personalities through the dialogue. Good work so far.
| islashlove chapter 2 . 3/4/2013
Yes, Elsa is now in Narnia and have meet Peter, Susan and Lucy.
I wonder where Edmund (I think that was the others name) is and what is Aslan up to
| Ninja Misao chapter 1 . 3/3/2013
This is a very interesting beginning.
| Serenarey Chiba chapter 4 . 3/2/2013
Leave a Review Everyday:
I'll be honest, this story leaves me a bit wary. Not knowing the fandom isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I feel that no real inclusion of background or more fleshed out details leaves the story a bit lacking. All I know of Elsa is that she is Jewish at a less than stellar time. However, what she looks like, her personality, and whatever else about her does not appear to leave the author's imagination and venture into the story. Whatever scenes you, as the author, are imagining are scenes I can't realize with what little is written.
It's heavier in dialogue, which is fine, but there's little attached to the dialogue to make it more real. The conversations seem a bit stilted, and cut. Rather, it appears you are going for dramatic paused when all that comes out just overly done wording, or perhaps not enough at all. In addition, Elsa is blind, yes? I had no clue until you specifically indicated as much in this chapter. Who is Elsa? Who is Peter? Who are these people?
I want to read this story without having read the Narnia series or seen it and be able to immediately follow the content. I don't know how she suddenly jumped into Narnia, and I don't know why she specifically went there as opposed to anyone else.
Tl;dr: Please add a bit more imagery to your dialogue, something that allows the reader to imagine the same thing as the author does. That may help people to follow along even better. If nothing else, I like the concept, but way too easy to get lost with what little is written. Keep working at it!
As for reviewing my stories, pick and choose from any of them on my page.
| jokergirl4ever chapter 1 . 3/2/2013
this is an interesting start, can't wait to read more of it. :D will definetly going to keep reading :D
here is my contribution to the "Leave a review Everyday"
| islashlove chapter 1 . 3/2/2013
I like the first chapter very much. It has drawn me in and will be glad to read the rest.
Your character Elsa sounds like a very interesting person.
| Guest chapter 20 . 3/2/2013
| Guest chapter 19 . 2/7/2013
| Goeno chapter 19 . 2/7/2013
| Lydia chapter 18 . 1/29/2013
I love it! Please update!
| Guest chapter 18 . 12/5/2012
Wow! This story is awesome! Please update soon!
| Guest chapter 18 . 11/24/2012
| No Longer Active Here chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
I've never actually read the Narnia books or anything, but I've seen the first two movies so I've got a basic idea of the universe. I won't be able to comment too much about characters or anything though.
Judging by the first chapter, I do think you have solid writing skills : ) No grammar or spelling issues I could detect, so well done there. Descriptive wise, I think you've got a good balance. As for Elsa, I'm not going to lie here, but I've never been too keen on OC's... however, that being said, I think she's come off all right based on this chapter. She hasn't come off across as some annoying dumb character.
| Darkened-Storm chapter 2 . 11/4/2012
I shouldn't really be reading fanfics when Im supposed to be studying for exams, but i saw this in the forum!
well, first off, the blind OC, that's a new approach i haven't seen done before, and I've got to say i quite like the different approach - good job
I also like that she's German - that would definetly throw the Pevensies a bit!
Ed seems a little prickly in the earlier chapters, you might want to fix that up cuz he stopped being a brat after he escaped the white witch, and that's a very important part of his character - also he's a much quieter king than Peter
anyway - I shall get to reaing the rest of this just as soon as my exams are over ) good work so far!