|Reviews for Wingless bird|
| KumoFuzei chapter 2 . 8/23/2011
Okay so the first chapter was good and now let's hope for a second. Onto my review:
Nene, Taiki, and Kiriha ran, fast enough to elude DarkKnightmon and Tsuwamon, but slow enough not to inflict any damage on Yuu.
Finally, they stopped at a clearing in the forest to catch their breath. "Hopefully, DarkKnightmon and Tsuwamon won't catch up to us now." Taiki said, as he breathed heavily.
"Are you sure we're doing the right thing? They're only trying to rescue Yuu." Nene said, her unsure voice showed that her resolve was beginning to quaver.
"Are you crazy, Nene? They don't want to rescue him. They want to bring him back into the Darkness." Taiki exclaimed angrily, he quickly gathered his temper "Sorry." He muttered, Nene smiled and then they went silent. Nene looked over at Taiki.
"Gomenasai, Taiki-kun. I shouldn't have doubted you." Nene said with a smile.
"No, I'm sorry that you lost your brother. It won't happen again." Taiki replied sincerely. As they finished speaking Tsuwamon emerged into the clearing with a triumphant look, he was closely followed by DarkKnightmon who had his tempter fully flared by now.
"Give my General back!" DarkKnightmon demanded angrily as he punched a tree, shattering it and sending splinters and data everywhere.
"Sorry, he's not your General anymore. From now on, he's Nene's brother, and nothing else!" Taiki countered, signalling to Nene and Kiriha. Nene understood, she grabbed Yuu and ran down nearest path, soon disappearing into a thick grove of trees, along with Kiriha and Yuu. Beelzebumon and Dorulumon immediately blocked the grove entrance, on Taiki's orders. Nene stopped and breathed deeply, she looked to Kiriha and Yuu, they were both here, safe and sound, her brother and one of her friends, if only the other had joined them.
"Sis, you let me go!" Yuu shouted angrily standing up after he caught his breath. MetalGreymon and JetMervamon quickly surrounded him, to prevent him from running. He seethed at Kiriha and Nene, but they were relentless in their affection.
"Sorry, Yuu, but you didn't listen to me. You've wasted your chance and now I have control of the situation." Nene replied stubbornly "Now, we must train you to become fifth General of Xros Heart United Army. Reload, Ignitemon." She spoke her words with conviction and ignored Yuu's protesting loooks.
Taiki was beginning to have trouble fending off Tsuwamon and DarkKnightmon any longer.
"Give up. You stole Yuu from us, and now we're taking him back." Taiki repeated as he breathed heavily.
(Sometime later that day...)
Nene, Yuu and Taiki were sitting on grass plain, as Kiriha was standing guard. All three were laughing. Yuu had finally had a change of heart when he saw Baguramon attack a defenseless creature, known as Pabumon. "Gomen, sister." he said through tears of joy.
"But I already forgave you, Yuu" said Nene, enveloping her brother into a tight embrace. He hugged her back with a smile.
It was quite nice and heart warming, I enjoyed the fic, but as usual paragraphs and description have let you down. The use of the word seethed was really good though :)
| KumoFuzei chapter 1 . 8/23/2011
I like the title and the first line is quite good for catching attention, speech is always a good choice. Onto my review for chapter one:
"Ready to start. Red tornado calling Wingless bird." Taiki spoke into a device he was holding. On the other side Nene replied positively, speaking into her own device. They entered, meeting each other inside the Pandemonium. "Now, where to look at him?" Taiki wondered. Kiriha and Nene were walking closely behind him. Finally, they reached the room. A small sign on the door read 'Amano' "This is it. Shoutmon and MetalGreymon, be ready if DarkKnightmon comes." Taiki said as he read the word and made his decision.
"You too, Sparrowmon and Mervamon." Nene ordered.
"All right" Taiki tossed his and Nene's Xros Loaders to Kiriha "Now you can Xros our digimon too if need be." he explained as he and Nene prepared themselves.
Then he and Nene entered the room. Yuu was sleeping soundly, so Nene grabbed a white cloth from the wooden table with a single wooden chair next to it in the corner of the room. She walked over to Yuu and wrapped him tightly in it. Taiki walked over to the curtains and grabbed the curtain tie, it was a rope, perfect. He undid it and walked over to Yuu and tied a knot around Yuu to hold the white cloth on and hold Yuu together. Nene nodded and picked up Yuu, somewhat easily and carried him outside. She laid him down onto a small cart that Taiki had hidden in there earlier and Nene started rolling it towards the exit. As they neared the exit DarkKnightmon appeared, thwarting there thus far well executed plan. "Children, what are you doing?" he asked in a demeaning and conniving voice.
"Just taking back what you stole from us." Taiki replied with a flick of his hair and a tone of anger.
"And what would that be?" DarkKnightmon asked, seemingly confused.
"Our fifth member!" Taiki shouted as he faced DarkKnightmon "Nene, go!" he shouted as he placed himself inbetween her and DarkKnightmon.
Nene nodded and pushed the cart with all her might, sending it rocketing past DarkKnightmon she ran forwards and slid through his legs, running after the cart she grabbed it just before it smacked into the door and she leapt out of the Pandemonium. With her and the contents unscathed. "Yuu was supposed to be one of us from the start, yet you got in the way of that. You also got in the way of Amano siblings loving each other, like they should have done. Now, we're setting things back to the way they should be. Nene left, with her brother, so we're leaving too." Taiki said fiercly as he stared down DarkKnightmon. Team Xros Heart instantly vanished. They teleported themselves to where Nene was waiting, with Yuu in her arms. "Wingless bird, now you have your wings back." Taiki told Nene, winking at her. "With Yuu next to you, you sprout wings again." he added with a smile.
"You're right." Nene replied, smiling.
"We rescued Yuu together, as I promised in that tower." Taiki said as he hugged Nene tightly.
Paragraphs would be a good addition, and more description wouldn't go amiss. It was overall quite good, but the action needed more explaining so it was more exciting and riveting, the use of the word unscathed was good.