|Reviews for Outlaw Star The Flower of Fate|
| LesBoredGuy chapter 4 . 1/17
Hello, since you were nice enough to read and review my story figured I would check out your story. While admittedly Jim/Hanmyo isn't really my thing I still enjoyed reading. My favorite parts tend to be when the whole crew are together and are able to bounce off each other. The banter between Jim and Gene is fantastic. I felt Hanmyos fate in Outlaw Star was pretty harsh and to me and was one of the darker episodes of the series, but it did make a great story about the loss of what little childhood innocents Jim had. So to read sort of a What-if story about her surviving is fun for me. What-if concepts tend to grab my attention (I can thank DC comics elseworlds for that). I don't think I could offer much constructive criticism as I'm new to writing fan fiction myself (It's something I do for simple recreation and to keep my writing skills from getting rusty)
I voted in your poll. I wonder what Natsu and the gang would think of a bunch weirdos from space? ;)
| TheRealXenocide chapter 5 . 6/7/2015
I would be a hypocrite to demand you continue this story. My own decade long absence from writing is not by choice, so I can understand how life gets in the way.
I will, however, point out that your return to this story would be a joyous day. There is so much potential here, it saddens me to think that this story won't continue.
| Rassilon001 chapter 5 . 6/6/2014
A most interesting and well-received Outlaw Star story. I praise you on taking a difficult ship and finding a way to make it work with the ever adorable Jim/Hamnyo. In that respect, I must also praise your ability to keep Aisha’s relationship with Jim intact in the story, as opposed to altering her personality to get her out of the way. A trap too many fall into, yet you avoid.
Hamnyo definitely creates for an interesting dynamic amongst the Outlaw Star’s crew, adding a layer of drama and family while not taking away from what is already there. I find it highly convenient the ship’s bridge can shift to accommodate her, especially so close to Jim, but its endearing so I’ll overlook it. Its definitely ironic that Melfina and Hamnyo both suffer amnesia yet deal with it in different ways.
Some small criticisms: I think your story suffers a bit from the websites settings, I notice you use the title to break up content a lot. It can be a bit distracting, you may want to look into the breaks. Also, your author notes can be a smidgen long-winded.
I will definitely continue to follow this, it's caught my interest and I'm curious to see how the presence of Hamnyo will affect the crew and the universe in the next few episodes worth of plot. Especially the Hot Springs Planet Tenrei. Jim may have quite a bit of fun.. or things could get very awkward with Hitoriga there.
| Lebnaniya chapter 5 . 7/7/2013
So I read the chapter and it was Amazing!
I love the moments with Jim and how he worries for Melfina (bringing the 4th cup of tea)...I also think you did a great job in showcasing the chemistry and interaction between Aisha and Hanmyo. It works great. I was wondering how those two were going to interact more and you did a splendid job with it in this chapter.
I missed Suzuka though... she's a smart cookie and I have a suspicion that she'll be the one to connect the dots and find out that Hanmyo is one of the Anten-7. I could be wrong but it is just a hunch. LOL.
What else? Hm... Oh yeah! I love how you had Jim narrate the next "episode" and how his train of thought went to Hanmyo in a bathing-suit. That was gold.
As always, fantastic job so far. Looking forward to your next chapter! And thank you for the shout-out. I was pleasantly surprised at your note towards then end and it really made me feel special. So thank you for that.
| randompandattack chapter 5 . 6/17/2013
It's been so long since I read this story I can hardly even remember what's going on, but I was able to put together a general idea of where the story was and what was going on enough to read and enjoy the chapter. Your excellent writing style makes it easier; though it didn't seem like much actually happened in this chapter. Various conversations mostly, Kahn making his move. I should probably watch Outlaw Star over again so I know what the hell is going on haha it's been a while. But anyway I'm glad you updated, sorry I didn't read it till now. I wish you luck updating sooner in the future!
| twilightnite13 chapter 5 . 6/11/2013
I wonder how Jim will react on seeing Hanmyo in a swim suit.. *snickers* he might have a nosebleed or something
| mark-engels chapter 5 . 6/11/2013
Well, here I thought the story was going to continue being syrupy sweet with Jim and Hanmyo and then you went and threw in DRAMA! Actually, that was good to see, truthfully. Anxious to see what becomes of Mel; it speaks highly of how Gene feels about her for him to subject himself to Hecaton Kyrez especially given its gravity! The scene between Aisha, Jim and Hanmyo around Mel was especially touching. However, I would have liked some foreshadowing from the beginning that Khan was going to show up and make trouble. As it stands I feel like he kinda popped up out of nowhere. And the last scene read more like an outline rather than finished prose. I would have liked to see it laid out more with some dialogue between a potentially interesting character like Wong and the rest of the crew. One thing I might suggest for future chapters is to help us get a sense of where you'd like to go with the story. It went fairly quickly from being a sweet Jim and Hanmyo piece to Jim finally giving outlet to his angst with Gene to Gene realizing what Mel means to him and now Mel down for the count while they're continuing to search for the Galactic Leyline. I think each of these elements can make for an excellent story, but each must be used in the proper manner at the right time and in an order which will maximize literary impact. You may want to consider outlining the entire story first (which is what I do when I write) and having your trusted prereaders go through it. That way you can check for flow and tempo before you even get to the prose itself. All the best and look forward to reading more!
| anon chapter 5 . 6/10/2013
Forgot to say that woman's intuition line was hilarious
| Shadow of the Forgotten chapter 5 . 6/10/2013
Not bad. I'm curious to see how the next chapter turns out.
| anon chapter 5 . 6/9/2013
Can't believe I never thought of it like that with Aisha and Hanmyo's cats
Jim and Hanmyo forever
| Lebnaniya chapter 4 . 5/27/2013
OH! And I forgot to say this in the previous review...
One of my favorite parts of this story was when Aisha came running into the kitchen, jumped on the seat, and rocked back and forth waiting for breakfast and then you contrasted that with Suzuka’s elegant entrance. Just AWESOME.
I really like the relationship you have between Jim and Hanmyo. I loved the scene when Hanmyo woke Jim up by tickling him. That was just so cute and creative. Typical kid behavior.
I also love Gene’s reaction to imagining Melfina in a nurse’s outfit. That was just GOLD.
| Lebnaniya chapter 3 . 5/27/2013
So I read this chapter and thought it was super cute. I think I read it before too but remember I went on hiatus because of school, exams, work, volunteering, etc...
Anyway, I really liked this chapter. And since it is summer, I know you'll be updating soon :P
Aside from my little rant, hehehe, I think this was an absolutely adorable chapter. I felt really bad for Gene though...I mean, we all know that he doesn't "mean" to make Jim do all the work, but it was nice to show that he finally recognized that Jim is a boy and not a grown man who can handle all those pressures alone.
I also love that you had Jim call Melfina his mom.
| Reishin Amara chapter 4 . 4/9/2013
man i wish people would finish Hanmyo stories...
| Lebnaniya chapter 2 . 3/29/2013
Alright. So I had to say that this is an awesome chapter. The first half was amazing. I love the relationship you showed between Gene and Jim. You've kept them in character, especially when Gene realizes how important Hanmyo is to Jim and starts teasing him about his little "angel."
One of my favorite lines: "What kind of stuff?" Gene asked :P hahaha... it's great!
Just as a side note, I absolutely adore what you've done with the intro, actual text, and then the preview for the next chapter. It's exactly like the series and I feel like I'm reading the script to the next episode. It's great and it is very creative.
| Lebnaniya chapter 1 . 3/29/2013
This was a very nice recap on the episode. There are a few grammatical errors but aside from that, it flowed very well, it was coherent, and as a audience member, I wanted to read more to find out what you had to say. This is a very nice start to something special. Great job.