Reviews for Broken Blade The Alternate Story
Guest chapter 7 . 4/1/2014
your avatar as a main character! Epic Hero!
Which anime is your Avatar/picture from?
Laughingmanlol chapter 8 . 7/27/2013
This is pretty good! I agree with your views on the way romance and strategy were handled in the original, and I'm looking forward to seeing the battle scenes. I'm hoping we'll get to see a little of Mai's childhood, too - it can't have been easy being raised by a genius who could see through her every childish deception, and I'm sure a non-standard upbringing would have something to do with her demeanor. (Mostly I just want to see Rygart and Mai interacting as kids, though :P) Other than that, all the characters seem true to form, and I'm finding each scene easy to visualise.
Saikhou Choir chapter 8 . 3/20/2013
I Love you dear Author ...
Yotsuba Tatsuya chapter 8 . 3/2/2013
a very awesome series i really like your story very much since it is the first fanfiction i read about Broken Blade but it is not all the reason why i think it is awesome the other reason is because your story is just absolutely awesome but it's just that i will suggest that you pair Rygart to Sigyn rather than Mai because i think they are good together
fray253 chapter 8 . 9/25/2012
Blazing Badger chapter 8 . 7/7/2012
Umm... okay... Mai seems the very definition of a Mary Sue character. She's good looking, incredibly smart and has the rest of the cast eating out of her hands very quickly. She is completely taking over the plot for no reason other than the amazing abilities that you gave her without any buildup or logical reason. They also gave her the entire command of the army without any knowledge of her skills, just a correct guess on one battle and the name of her daddy. She already said that she does not care about the country but they gave her the most trusted position and more power than anyone else except for the king and queen. This story is not very logical at all. How did she know about that one battle? The food and water stores during any siege are one of the most important and protected areas in a defendant's position. It would not bet easy by any means to poison those supplies but she knew that they would do that without any doubt? She did not know the skills and positions of the enemy and the defenders to even know if something like that would be possible in that situation. It seems like you only made that OC to force that story in the direction that you want without ant realistic buildup and logical story progression. I hope that the rest of the story will prove me wrong and she will become something other then just a plot tool and becomes a real character with faults and some development.
AcexDeuce chapter 8 . 3/8/2012
*read from the first chapter until book two* SOO GOOD! i love Mai's character too! I hope you will update this story soon!
Fortis499 chapter 8 . 12/1/2011
another strike from you ~(w~)

I Wanna More Of Mai x Rygart

Nice Opening For Book Two wb

Seems Like Rygart Position Is Lower Than Mai Here w

I Wanna See How You Make The Battle Scene w

Ganbatte Kudasai (~_)~
Detainee117 chapter 8 . 11/28/2011
Hey, nice story that you have going so far. Love the way the story flows smoothly with the proper time/location transitions. I'm glad you're planning to make OCs for the upcoming battles :) Some stories just get so stale when they keep using the same characters OVER and OVER AGAIN! I'm pretty sure you'll do well in this one, seeing how you can control alot of the characters in the previous chapter, as well as the 2nd book. Hope you upload the next one soon! Keep up the good work!
Transmutation chapter 8 . 11/22/2011
KITAAAAA! (It's Here!) (~_)~

Nice Introduction For Book Two wb

I've Been Waiting For This w/

What I Like About Your Story Is, You Are Very Good Playing With Timeline Of This Story w


"I will give you a tomorrow"

That Was Unexpected Line (O_O)

That Was The Determination To WIN The War (O_O)

And I Wish I Could See The Combination Between Rygart and Mai In The Battlefield (O_O)
anoni chapter 8 . 11/19/2011
Whew, sorry for the late read n review! Was busy but really was excited as soon as I saw the new chap XD and nice chapter too! Mystiria sure is mysterious :) somewhat disappointed she joined the army but I guess its a good twist. Now that she's on krisna's side, most likely she'll have the same effect as Borcuse did, if not more dangerous! Hope to see the OCs soon! Cant wait for the blood and drama XD
rxiat chapter 8 . 11/15/2011
wow, dragonil must really have made a large impact in krisna's diplomatic history. love the story so far! keep up the good work, and i can't wait for the battles/drama/horror ahead.. i'm sure you'll make us sit at the edge of our seats! wonderful work
lazylegionspark chapter 8 . 11/13/2011
Oh what a good intro the the second book.

I have not seen anything that requires criticism which is pretty fantastic. You do a pretty good job at editing.

I wonder how the rank and file along with whatever OCs are in the Kristian army gonna deal with it.

There is something that you are doing that I am loving and wish to see more of. It is the manner in which you separate the time shifts. Many fics I have read have just walls of text and leave it up to the reader to know when there is a change and figure out the scenery and location. This makes it tedious and frustrating for me and I am really happy with the way you do it. :)
Jest-Me chapter 8 . 11/13/2011
ahhh! another chapter! love this one too! wonder what's in Mai's little silver box...must be that thing she wanted to give to Lygatts, or to Rygart indirectly.. But wahhhh, I really wanted Mai to stay out of the fight eventho she's badass.. tho the line at the end was kinda cheesy for her, I guess Rygart was the one who told her to say that? XD LOL Good chapter, keep going )
TomCatX1 chapter 8 . 11/13/2011
Oooh, I clicked the page link as soon as the email notification came and I'm glad/proud to say that the start of the chapter has not much disappointments. Only the fact that it is shorter than usual, but its an intro after all so I can't complain any. And speaking frankly, its not all that unexpected to have someone being a Grand Commander-General all of a sudden. Considering how desperate and dire Krisna's situation is, it isn't at all impossible neither was it rational. Thus shows a good display of fear within human psychology. Good job!

Also, I'm glad you included almost all of the key characters of the war in here, like Narvi (yes I have a seemingly weird attraction to her) and the Generals. I hope my OC gets to kill Tseng tho...LOL

Anyways love this chapter just like the ones that precede it _ Keep up the wonderful work!
33 | Page 1 .. Last Next »