|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Alteran Legacy|
| belle hawk chapter 2 . 8/29/2011
You started very Goodyear but the second chapter is not goodyear. Frankly who would give their most important Secret to someone they have just met? Just make them friends and fix it and it will be great.
| thesagerk chapter 2 . 7/19/2011
hmm - love what you have so far... when does harry realize who he is in the community? Does he claim his vaults? Find out about his family?
Is the other girl Luna? I hope it is!
I can't wait to read more! Please update soon... and if you need a beta - I will be glad to help! Send me a PM! :)
| god of all chapter 2 . 7/16/2011
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
| Raven Marcus chapter 2 . 7/5/2011
| starboy454 chapter 2 . 6/27/2011
excellent start to your story
| RobC chapter 2 . 6/15/2011
A good start, nice to see him confide in Hermione.
| iroshi chapter 2 . 6/13/2011
Your story has been interesting so far. I like the concept, and your 'voice' when writing is interesting. There are some things I would change - I just don't see Ollivander saying, "okay," or "nope." Just can't see it. Remember that most of the wizarding world is very Victorian, and their speech tends to be quite formal. Among the adults, at least...teenagers being teenagers will speak less precisely; however, Hermione's speech would be more eloquent on a daily basis than Ron's, for instance, simply because she is far more widely read, and more used to having conversations with adults than children.
I'm also curious about a few things:
1. Why is Harry showing off his alien technology to the very first witch he meets? You'd think over the past year he would've been in the habit of hiding it; wouldn't he have discussed with Myrddin whether or not to share this information with the wizarding peoples?
2. Since Harry remembers his parents, if only a bit, why didn't he check with the bank to see if they had an account?
3. Why didn't Harry look into opening an account with the bank? Again, with the concept of secrecy about his technology...I understand why he would bring the gold bars into the bank to begin with, but shouldn't he understand how suspicious that would look over time?
| stargatesg1fan1 chapter 2 . 6/12/2011
First of all this is a pretty good story so far. I didn't care much for the graphic violence against Harry but I did like the result in him obtaining the Alteran knowledge. You did the last Potter with several broken bones, including arms and legs, before he traveled to Merlin's chamber and then he was suddenly walking fine. Unless I misunderstood you might want to go back and point out that the transport beam had a healing feature built in.
I like the fact that Harry is using his technology wisely, although I'm not completely sure why you have him going back to the Dursleys. Especially when all it would take would be for Dumbledore to scan their minds to find out about the technology.
Two bits of advice in your writing: Look up the correct usage of the articles a and an. You use them improperly quite often, more often in the first chapter. The second bit of advice is avoid using adjectives like he and him to describe two male characters in the same sentence unless it's clear who you are talking about. Try using colorful pronouns to describe your characters like the last Potter, the green eyed mage, the dark haired sorcerer, etc. It might be helpful to find a beta.
This is a really good story so far with a lot of potential. I like the fact that Hermione will be one of Harry's mates and I'm really hoping Sam will be the Stargate female you indicated would be paired with Harry. Thanks for sharing.
| lonewarrior310 chapter 2 . 6/10/2011
Good story. I like crossovers where Harry is paired a character from his own world, becuase I'm more familiar with Harry Potter than anything else. But I very rarely find stories like that.
| The wandering Azn chapter 2 . 6/8/2011
I find it fascinating how you've weaved the two universes together so far. However, I feel like you've given into the stereotype of turning your protagonist into a superpowered hero without equal or any challenge (yet). Granted, I could be easily be jumping the gun since this is your second chapter. Be careful. Giving your main protagonists their main superpowers too early gets kinda boring really fast. If you are planning on much larger and potent antagonist for your story, this could get interesting.
| Crusifikz70 chapter 2 . 6/2/2011
My guess is Jennifer Hailey.
| hemotem chapter 2 . 6/1/2011
A very interesting start I look forward to seeing more of this in the future. I also like the pairing issue even though they are only 11 at the moment. Now where were Hermione's parents? Also how did the magic users get away with using a vanishing spell on an under-aged person and not call forth the authorities? Even if the persons were adult persons shouldn't there have been some kind of Auror patrol around the alley to protect everyone?
I again thank you for an interesting start to this story and will look forward to seeing more of it in the future.
| m-f42 chapter 2 . 5/31/2011
I think Harry trusted Hermione a bit too quickly
| carree71432 chapter 2 . 5/30/2011
Nice couple chapters. Can't wait to read more. Really like the wizard-Alteran concept and like where you seem to be going with it. The only other female I can think of is Samantha C. and the girl (Cassie?) that is an alien.
| Zealot chapter 2 . 5/28/2011
Well, it's a nice beginning. However, before you write the next chapters I recommend that you read the various HP/SG1 xovers out there, at least those with 50k words. If, after that you can come up with your own ORIGINAL storyline, then, and only then, continue writing. I wish you the best.