|Reviews for Beautiful Imprefection|
| Cesar chapter 1 . 12/22/2014
This was beautiful. Thank you.
| Glitterglamgirl chapter 1 . 1/7/2014
You taught me being perfect is not actually perfect. You taught me that perfection isn't really even
all that real. This story made me feel that the person I am is who I am meant to be.
I hope you make more because I will (TRY :D) to read them all.
Your a great author.
Someone will find your writing one day and I will buy it from the shelves.
for that piece of your soul! :P
| Sega SaTeern chapter 1 . 3/18/2013
That was.. deep.
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
Not knowing the characters, this works as a letter between a studious guy and his perfectionist girlfriend. Thanks for the absence of stuff I had to look up, which can sometimes stop me cold in canons I know nothing about.
The letter doesn't drone on; the length works well, and you're not repeating the 'Please don't be a perfectionist' stuff over and over, which would kill it.
The sentence fragments sometimes work, sometimes don't. When you have more than one in a row - 'Because I think you're good enough. To say the least.' - you lose some of the immediacy of using them. In that example, I think the 'To say the least' is stronger, and would suggest you use 'because' as a final clause on the prior sentence.
St. John - good metaphor, but is it canonical for your world? Same thing with 'Garden of Eden.'
'aforementioned trials and struggles' hits my 'overwritten' button. Simplify it.
Hope this helps! SPAG below.
I assume the title's intentionally misspelled.
tripe - I think you mean 'trite'? Tripe works, but not as well.
Keep 'You would be exactly' paragraph entirely in the conditional: 'You would do everything right, you would look perfect, and you would have everything you wanted at your fingertips.'
or even try, but would still be
'I'll help you up if you fall' comes off as a bit cliche; I think you can find a better metaphor there.
affects everyone. Even if they have had... - You're NOT grammatically incorrect there, but the use of the semicolon confused me for a moment or two, and I would suggest making that a new sentence.
'Stepford version' - cliche.
rose-colored glasses - cliche, although it works with the rose mention below.
talk with me like normally.
Always, forever, love, - needs comma
| Souldin chapter 1 . 10/17/2011
"The best person you can be is the best you"-Liam.
"A single being can never reach perfection,
But hand-in-hand two can be an imperfect perfection"-From a currently unnamed poem by Liam.
Have a guess at what my name is; go on, have a guess. Reading this fanfic made me think of two lines, one from a list of philosophical lines that I wrote to sum up my opinions on life and the various factors and experiences of life, and the other quote is the last two lines of a poem I wrote but have yet to title. This fanfic makes me realise how much I would enjoy conversing with you on philosophical matters however it also makes me think 'Is this a Super Smash Bros fanfic?"
I shall start with the negatives; although all of what I'm about to say is the same thing but in different clothes-this fanfic does not feel like a Super Smash Bros fanfic featuring the Ice Climbers. The relation to gaming is minimal (though the fact that you've incorporated some into your point deserves a cheer for its imaginative use), I can't spot a single feature that would make this a Super Smash Bros fanfic, and you could pretty much swap out the Ice Climbers for any other character. I became aware of this matter quite early on when Popo described Nana as having ‘gorgeous blond locks’ which while in some designs she did have blonde hair she does not have such hair now; her hair is currently brown. I can’t say you did not try to make it relatable to the Ice Climbers, you did after all add in the climbing aspect, but it was not a strong enough connection. The Ice Climbers are characters that offer a lot of freedom to writers, they were designed for that purpose after all (which is why their relationship is left unsaid so the player can decide if they are related, friends, or lovers), however there are elements from which writers should form a basis of their character, their resemblance (not just in appearance but in clothes), their motives in their own game, their interactions and reactions in SSBB, and the environments that they venture through. As said earlier, in early designs and some box-art, Nana had blond hair, and when I read about the blond hair in your story all I could think about was how that could be implemented to relate to Nana (maybe she dyed her hair blond to be closer to an image of perfection, or maybe that hair colour is her natural hair colour and she dyes her hair brown because she accepts what Popo says). It’s a matter of small details but they make a huge difference.
Other than this is not what I would call a fanfic and it has little relation to the area of fanfiction it’s set in, this is brilliant. It’s beautifully written with sentences that carry onto the next like the song of a bird in the morning and great details made from varied vocabulary. You could have simply stated your point but you chose to expand and explain it without ever dragging it on and always making it interesting to read. This gives it a sense of style and form and it sticks with such a structure throughout the story, and at that, expresses emotions wonderfully and in a manner that I can relate too and understand.
Your views are interesting to be sure and your skill and talents are clear within this piece, but at that, this piece is not suited as fanfiction unless it has some Super Smash Bros/Ice Climber elements applied to it. If this were a short published piece then you would see very little in terms of criticism from me but one has to regard official stories and fanfiction differently for they are, despite what some may say, different. This does not work as a fanfic but as a story, why I can’t help but applaud your writing. Great job, keep up the good work!
| MarvelMe chapter 1 . 5/28/2011
This is not only sweet, beatiful, and empowering,
It's 100 percent true.
I just want to say that this is an awsome piece of work BECAUSE it's raw.
Now, i usually don't right serious reviews and I'm suprised with myself but this truly made me feel awsome.
I'm glad you posted this. Your outlook on perfection is infectious and you have completely and utterly changed my view on it.
| Shadow's whisper28 chapter 1 . 5/25/2011
I normally don't review many stories, because the words always seem to come out incorrectly. Pardon me if my point comes across incorrectly, because your story was and is a masterpiece. Whoever you wrote this for should definitely read it.
Pouring your soul into something can be a good or bad thing, depending on the case. I'd say this case is a good thing, although barfing up your soul is generally unadvised. You conveyed your feelings into the words, allowing us as the readers to feel it and see it as you do. A sign of very proffesional writing.
Unfortunately, stories like these do not get as many reviews or as much recognition as they should. I sincerely hope others read this wonderful piece of writing and realize what you put into it.
Stereotypes are awfully common, but at the end of the day we're all still people with feelings, and we've got to let them out somehow, right?
Your friend is very lucky. Have I mentioned that?
| Araceli L chapter 1 . 5/25/2011
I'm trembling. I can't help it.
I've never read something that's made me feel this way. This is beautiful beyond any account...this is indescribable. This is worthy of the highest praise I have to offer and more. This is perfection. This is the soul poured out to script, and THIS is what writing is all about.
If there were more people like you, if there were more people dedicated to others as you've shown yourself to be here...the world would a little bit better.
This is a masterpiece of sublime perfection. I can't find a better word than perfection. You're at your most vulnerable, and this utterly, COMPLETELY dashes out every other story on this site, and it was magnificent. I've never read any story nearly this amazing. This is what love is about, and you've just captured it..and I can't even find more words.
I used to think of myself as a rather good author, as arrogant as that sounds. And now I want to write as you do.
Whoever (whomever?) the young lady is that you wrote this for, I think you should send it. And she'll be lucky to have you.
Keep it up.