|Reviews for This is a story of a Girl|
| nel chapter 1 . 7/23/2011
this story made me cry soo hard it is a wonderful amazing story poor shinji
| marcus chapter 1 . 7/4/2011
one word awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
| AthenaY chapter 1 . 6/1/2011
I think that one of your reviewers was especially harsh, and I have to disagree with her. To each his or her own, I suppose. I enjoyed your story, and I liked seeing a more sensitive side to Shinjiro. Yeah, his main appeal (at least to me) is the fact that he's crude, rough around the edges so to speak, a little socially awkward and not all lovey-dovey like Akihiko. But I don't think you did the character a disservice or misrepresented him in any way in your story.
Your writing style is a bit wordy, but it flows well on the page. I've read a whole lot of Persona fanfic, and your story shows definite promise. The only thing I would suggest is working on smoothly transitioning between present tense and memories. Sometimes the switch between viewpoints was a litle jarring.
Good work overall. I look forward to reading more of your writing!
| Teresa chapter 1 . 5/29/2011
I was looking forward to reading this after seeing the first two reviews. Both sang praises for this story.
I was deceived.
I thought I would be left in tears and crying for the rest of the day, but I just read a failed attempt at making Shinjiro a pathetic little pansy. No wait, scratch that. You DID make Shinjiro a pathetic little pansy. God, I could hardly recognize the damn boy! So much OCC, and there were a lot of extraneous words. You could have cut out the part where they were getting it on, because it was really uncalled for. The impact, believe it or not, would have been greater if you left the Female MC unnamed. Some stories ARE better when she has no name. I think that you have a habit of spoon feeding the characters’ emotions directly into the reader’s mouths without even giving them a chance to interpret their feelings. Sometimes we like to guess what they’re thinking of. Sometimes we don’t need to be told that he’s broken after his girlfriend dies on him. Sometimes we like to be left in the dark about what’s really happening, because it’s more fun to guess than to be clear on the matter. If you confuse us at the end and leave us hanging, it’ll be more memorable days after the initial read.
I’m wasting my time here, though. Stop diverging from the narrative to tell us EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN THOUGHT RUNNING THROUGH THEIR HEADS and then maybe your stories will be better. But I digress. Excuse me while I forget this story and clear up some space in my head for more important things.
| Gianluca chapter 1 . 5/28/2011
Just one word: AWESOME!
That explains the most doesn't it?
| XXX chapter 1 . 5/28/2011
HEY! this was awesome! wow ! right now, i'm crying like a baby your so good! MORE MORE MORE! about shinji and minako!