|Reviews for Echoes|
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 13 . 4/17
The first time I read this I was thrown off track by the sudden shift in worlds. We go from established Naruto canon to sharingan forest, to a world filled with demons and hellspawn, gods and characters we've never heard about. Personally I'm pleased with the shift, as pleasant as the familiar world of Naruto is, it's nice to see that they're shifting and those possibilities are being explored. That's all I wanted to note for this chapter, looking forward to more.
| gettsu chapter 64 . 4/15
This message is writed on spanish, translate it if you want to understand what i'm saying:
Posiblemente te cueste bastante entender lo que voy a escribir a continuación pero quisiera felicitarte con total sinceridad. Echoes ha sido una historia que he leido con pausa, he tardad meses en leerla al completo, pero tu historia me ha cautivado como pocas lo han conseguido ( si puedes y tienes tiempo te recomiendo " the harsh truth") y de verdad quisiera felicitarte por el "universo"( ha ha, did you get it ?) Que has creado. Personajes que desde el principio nos han cautivado a todos nosotros, tus lectores, con sus mañas y cualidades las cuales los hacian a todos y cada uno únicos de una manera propia. Aún no he leido el resto de tus trabajos pero te aviso que si son la mitad de logradas e interesantes que Echoes encontraras en mi un ávido lector y fan. Sin lugar a dudas Echoes es uno de mis fics favoritos
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 12 . 3/27
Praise must be given to your handling of the biju's reasoning for helping their hosts. The reasoning given in canon is incredibly shaky, yours provides a far more logical explanation for their reasoning.
Kakashi's backstory is among the most disturbing I've read on the site. I mean that as a positive, it adds to the character of a man of loss. A genius who never learned to protect that which was most important.
If I have any criticism for this chapter, it's the light-hearted banter right after the funeral. It's cheesy and comes too quickly after a very somber moment. It would have been more palatable if given a bit more time between the events. Otherwise this chapter ties up a lot of loose ends, and sets the course for future story lines.
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 11 . 3/26
I'm loving the lies and the manipulation, and the one time someone seems to admit fault and be honest with Kazama, he shuts them down. In the end, it's the liar and the cheat who wins, if only a partial victory that lays the groundwork for future success.
Closing its eyes. What a simple solution. That's Might Gai levels of cleverness.
It seemed like Kazama was descending speedily enough on his own, so I'm assuming Mikaboshi will act as a guide for the fall and gently push Kazama from behind the scenes.
| Lockt1 chapter 1 . 3/25
I'm gonna be honest. I'm still shocked that you finished it.
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 10 . 3/24
This time, I want to point out a single scene from this chapter that to me, highlights the power of writing.
Kisame's challenge to Madara is fourteen short paragraphs long. Their battle is short, there is little description of it. Yet with a minute of reading I completely understand what drives these characters, why Kisame would do something so illogical as to challenge a man who seems a god. In a minute I follow a character at the greatest he will ever be, and I see that greatness torn down by insurmountable power. It's simple, but it's more powerful than any part of his characterization in canon. At least I feel that way.
There's more to celebrate and to object to, but I have many more reviews to share that. Just now, this one moment deserves a private recognition.
| Lockt1 chapter 64 . 3/21
You actually finished this fanfiction huh. Not many people can say that they finished their fanfic. Nice job and congratulations.
| Wrinix chapter 13 . 3/18
Seems like a steady repetition of plot at times but still it's pretty unique and your good writing makes it better. Keep writing!
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 9 . 3/15
I see Naruko has zero awareness or regard for operation security. Seems to fit her character, like with Naruto. The headbands always were a dead giveaway. You'd think it'd be smart to take them off in enemy territory, or at least try to keep your presence discrete.
I'm not sure why you decided to make Haku a girl. I don't see anything wrong with the change, but I don't see a clear reason for it either, aside from that short humorous exchange. Secondly, you've done a good job establishing characters as layered and uniquely motivated. They're people. But Gato's thugs have been defined as generic bad guys with no layers. Especially when compared to the complex relationships we see between the two opposing forces in this chapter. They're easily and justifiably killed, and that seems to be their entire purpose. Naruto's advice to Kitsune also seems to have him following the path of Light Yagami. Passing judgement and execution is a very morally gray area, and I hope this is reflected later.
Of the many positives, I want to point out an instance where you successfully set up the villains. Twice we're told the Madaras are S-rank, which we know to be the highest classification. Then you take that and blow the already lofty expectations out of the water. They've been set up to be larger than life, and any battle involving them will be grand. Excellent work on that front.
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 8 . 3/14
The five scrolls add an important element of lore to the Uzumaki clan. Despite their supposed importance in the canon, what little is known about them was mostly told, not shown. Something has been added by expanding on the background of the clan of our main characters, and now they're coming to adopt that legacy. Hopefully there is more in the future, I'm curious.
I'm now more certain of one of Kazama's key flaws shown by his treatment of this world's Naruto and Sakura. The only attention Naruto has paid Sakura is noting her creepy smile, that she is this worlds kyubi jinchuriki, and inquiring how she ended up that way. And though he offers Kakashi to bring his team along, he has not specifically noted a desire to help Sakura yet. His desire to help his other selves who contained Kurama was instant, but he's not showing Sakura the same care. This exposes an inherent selfishness in himself. I'm not sure if this is intentional, but it's what I've taken from the writing.
I'm loving the conflicting moralities among the heroes and the villains. Each character, even the alternate selves, each has a unique identity and even ninja poker is made engaging just because of the characters. I'm pleased that this story is driven by interesting characters, with their goals and beliefs, and not just because the plot demands it.
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 7 . 3/13
I'm still not entirely convinced that Kazama could stand on the same planes as Zabuza. His progress has been incredibly rapid since his departure from canon. But while it stretches my suspension of disbelief, I can rationalize most of his successes. For one, he has prior knowledge of his opponent's strengths and techniques. And he knows how he can avoid his tricks. So I'm able to get past this, I'm just looking to see him actually take the time to sit down and grow. I'm not one for training montages normally, but I'd like to see that progress happen. That's what the scrolls are setting up, I assume.
I'm pleased to see how much time you've taken to filling in plot holes and explaining the situation. We're seeing people on every side plot and scheming, and working to subvert expectations. It's what ninjas would do, that's what makes Naruto so interesting as a series, at least its early parts. Looking underneath the underneath, as some would say. I like how every person who Naruto was initially upset with so far has had a valid reason for doing what they did. Maybe it wasn't the right choice, but they're behaving like people, with conflicting views and moralities. This is a story about characters, not just actions, and that is part of why I enjoy it.
A question though: if the high council's goal was to split up the team originally, why have they let it form in the first place? To keep up appearances and make it look like they were going through the standard process? It would avoid raising an incident if they manufacture the team's failure. I'm assuming that it is because of political infighting with the Hokage, who wants a different fate for these people, one they can choose.
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 6 . 3/13
The foundation of the multiverse has been on my mind since their third jump. Every world they've traveled to has the same key features, even if some of them have been shuffled around to create differentiation. However, the keys are still present. Naruto was still born, the beasts exist, ninjas exist, he children we know were born into the world. This means that, at least at present, everything shares a certain history in common. Could something have happened at that point in time to create the Naruto multiverse? If so, what time? In this chapter we learn that Sakura is the jinchuriki, so it could have taken place prior to Naruto's birth. However, we also know that Konohamaru exists in at least one of these universes. The sheer improbability of that happening once reality is changed is miniscule, so I'm guessing something else is happening. I could be wrong about all of this, but that's my guess so far.
I've been involved in other universes so getting back into the Naruto universe, where a man and two (very special) kids can fight a room full of thugs with ease and no concern. I wonder, why do thugs not have chakra? Or is it that difficult to discover and use that they need ninja schools? More speculation.
There was a lot of setup and lore, but I like setup and lore. I like characters interacting. And now we know that Sasori is the enabler of the plot, for he holds so many keys. Looking forward to more, especially the altered Team 7.
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 5 . 3/12
Your introduction arc works well. It's a simple introduction to some of the core cast of the story, and you successfully establish their primary villains and showcase the vast ocean of power that separates the two sides.
What I'm hoping to see further is battles focusing on clever tactics and trickery, not necessarily who can make the biggest boom. I prefer the combat from the earlier parts of the manga to the later chapters, where world-shaking jutsu became the norm and substance was replaced by style. But it seems to overcome these foes, that's exactly what they'll need to use.
That's enough for one day, I'll continue this later.
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 4 . 3/11
An interesting variety of Narutos have been gathered. My mind was instantly comparing their varied personalities to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, at least the song (Kazama leads, Chibaku does machines, Kitsune's (sometimes) cool, but rue, and Naruko is a party...girl. that doesn't rhyme)
I'm intrigued by Kazama's shifting mentality. Naruto has always been a character seeking acceptance and bonds with others, but now he's focused on creating bonds and helping...himself. Alternate versions, but still people who share a fundamental link to him that he has no control over. Kind of like family. Whether such focused care is a good thing, is another topic for debate.
I'm enjoying your take on leadership. Sarutobi was presented as an ideal of a man, at least early in the manga, but I like to believe that's because it was through Naruto's idealistic eyes. A leader, especially a military one, must put on a confident and inspiring face for his people, but they need to be hard and decisive, making decisions that will lead to the death of people on all sides, allies and enemies, military and civilians. Looking forward to more with him.
I know you tried to showcase the weight of death in your story, but I find killing Kabuto to not quite have the effect you desired. If only because we didn't have enough time to get to know THIS Kabuto. I haven't gone back and counted his lines, but he received far less development than Sasori or any Naruto, and that's why I don't care about him as much. I think with a little more of an introduction and interaction with others, it could have been more powerful to kill him so early. I'm aware death is far heavier later on...and I'm looking forward to that again.
| Ni'Rala vas Qwib Qwib chapter 3 . 3/9
I remembered one inconsistency in your first two chapters. In chapter 1 you point out that the rookie 9 are Konohamaru's age. Meanwhile Naruko is near graduating. This age disparity doesn't conflict, until she beat Sakura in the next chapter. Therefore, she fought a nine year old? I'm assuming this is a simple error.
Now, onto this chapter. This is the chapter that sold me on two things: characters and dialogue. First the dialogue. In the opening scene you're able to properly convey the new characters' situations logically, naturally and with well-crafted dialogue. That is something I look for in a story, because it's hard to find.
It's so important because it provides us a needed insight into who these alternate versions of the characters are. We immediately see that Sasori is operating under some sort of moral code by only using criminals as puppets, or at least he's telling Naruto that. It's still incredibly abhorrent and morally questionable, but it paints him in a different light from the original Sasori. I wonder if he does it due to a personal moral code, or if he's doing it because they're easier to catch. Or maybe he is just lying to Naruto and he's taking who he can get.
And now Naruto has an initial goal. Something to drive him. New precious people to protect. Mind you they are essentially himself. Does that make him selfish? I'd like to hear some philosophy professors argue that point.