|Reviews for What Happens Over Hevoi Brings Interesting Results|
| Eregnar chapter 7 . 2/14/2013
Still quite intrigued. I'm not sure whether to hope, since it's been so long since you've updated, but I'll watch this anyway.
| Eregnar chapter 2 . 2/14/2013
Hmm. Intrigued. And curious... is Bluebird a Jango Clone with two X's instead of XY or a clone of a separate individual? Guess I'll see if you cover it later.
| laloga chapter 7 . 12/5/2011
It's always such a pleasure to read one of your chapters. The voice that you've created is realistic and incredibly entertaining, while at the same time containing a certain serious quality that underscores the humor.
Loved Cap's section, how he tried to act as if he didn't care about anything, but it was obvious that he was relieved to hear Zach, Bluebird and Sals. This was wonderful: **"Great." The word was laced with the odd brand of sarcasm and disbelieving weariness Zach often reserved for his general and his most annoying pilot. Cap was certainly not glad to hear it for any reason other than that he enjoyed causing his captain pain.** His mixture of bravado, crudeness and general dark humor was just delightful to read, made even more so by the fact that he'd undoubtedly be quite stricken if anything happened to the others.
As sachariah said, the comm calls were almost dizzying and a little difficult to follow, but it added to the chapter's pacing and hectic feel. :)
I'm not really a tech “buff,” but I really enjoyed how you portrayed what was happening between General Swiftwater and Chlors through the use of the squad's gear: Bluebird following the “dots” on her HUD and hearing sounds via comm and through the ventilation shaft was brilliantly done. I love seeing scenes like this from an unexpected POV, as it adds a new level to the entire thing. Great job!
Ha! Sals tried to bluff, but – sadly – it didn't seem to work. Ah, well. I'm hopeful that the team can make it out (relatively) unscathed, but of course, I'm an optimist.
Loved “Birdie's” agitated thoughts on what was happening all around her, always calling up the worst-case scenario while also thinking of her loved ones; her perspective feels very real to me because of this, and I'm seriously enjoying her character!
The lightsaber's “song.” Wonderful term! :)
This was perhaps my favorite line: **And then [the General's] voice hardened, to the point where even the trooper, separated from her by a ceiling, aware of the fact that she was lying through her teeth, and not even the target of this remark, was a bit scared. "I don't bluff."** SO good!
I was delighted to see this in my inbox! Keep up the great work! :D
| sachariah chapter 7 . 12/4/2011
You really pack tension into your writing, even in a short charger like this one. Of course since you're working with an all-OC cast, we really have no idea who - if anyone - is going to survive this ordeal, but beyond that there's a sense of urgency and uncertainty that cuts through each character, vividly conveying the adrenaline charge and the tension in each team member,
Really like Cap, here - his lines (or thoughts) are filled with delicious irony. I love how he's clearly frightened for himself and his team, yet he consistently refuses to admit that, and masks his concern with a very creative and colorful vocabulary. I love this sort of character, with a hard, salty shell over a genuinely caring heart (or surrogate organ). Enjoyed the geeky details (the solar sails, tuning the comms), so often brushed over in other writing, that are mixed in with the internal ramblings
I have to be honest, I had trouble figuring out who was who during the comm chatter. But I loved it - in some ways it felt more realistic, like I was really listening to several identical voices (and a few standouts) firing back and forth at each other without time or space to clarify who's speaking to who.
I liked Cap's well-hidden, grudging gratitude for his General's concern, for him and the others. I'll say this again later, but I really love General Swiftwater - you've developed a unique and fascinating Jedi character, one with real weaknesses and strengths, and enough of a history for me to feel like I know her (and definitely enough to care about her). I don't even know if she's going to survive this one mission, and I already want to *beg* you to let her survive Order 66! :P
Bluebird is another favorite of mine. I'm really amazed that you managed to pull off such an unorthodox character as a female clone, in the GAR. Birdie (love the nickname!) feels genuine, like a real soldier, though she seems to have a degree of sentimentality that I don't notice as much in her brothers. I really felt for her, running through all sorts of possible bad news in her mind, feeling an adrenaline rush with nowhere to go. The claustrophobic nature of the vents was wonderfully decribed - often traffic through these ducts is made to look all too easy; when in fact there would be little space, tight turns, and hazards like fans and possibly security measures. Great work there.
*Loved* Swiftwater's confrontation with Chlors! Like I said before, I just love this Jedi. She's got a wry sense of humor, a no-nonsense attitude when dealing with the villain, and on general she keeps her cool wonderfully. At the same time, I felt much like Bluebird, anxious that Swiftwater might be overwhelmed or ambushed. I'm glad she seems okay, for now.
I found Birdie's missing her sisters to be one of the most touching moments in this story so far. She's really a one-of-a-kind trooper, with a very small subset of immediate "family". Her thoughts about Slip were almost saddening, and I do hope she both survives and is able to meet up with her siblings again.
Well, it looks like the Chairman is calling their bluff. I'm not sure this ending was technically a cliffhanger, but it's kriffing close enough for me. Wonderful work, as you always do - cant wait for more!
Well, I can... that is, I will wait, but you know what I mean...
| laloga chapter 6 . 10/10/2011
Enjoyed the kriff out of this chapter, and am delighted that you gave us an update so quickly! :D
Loved the tension in each character's setion - you've done a fabulous job with your OCs and I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for "the gang." It feels like a group of "underdogs," so to speak, and I find myself rooting for them at every turn.
Really liking Bluebird! Like sachariah said, she's an interesting mixture of "typical" clone and...not. She's different, but I don't get the sense that it's just because she's a gal. I can't wait to see how her story plays out. Loved seeing her "take" on the others: Zach and Sals, specifically. Also loved the "code" names and the subsequent banter.
Captain Zach awesome. Loved the peek inside his head for his section, how he's not only thinking of the mission, but of all these other, seemingly random things. That's how it goes - when you're concentrating on something difficult, sometimes your mind wanders and you find yourself getting lost in a relatively mundane line of thought. Loved seeing his perspective on Bluebird, Cap and Sals. This line was great: *"Comm. silence now, Mouth," he reminded gently, too afraid that this could be the last time they spoke to yell, and shut off his comm.* You did this with Swiftwater as well; the burden of command that sits so heavily on his shoulders is palpable, and very well-portrayed.
Love, love LOVE Sals! I love it when Jedi aren't "the best" but have to do their duty, anyway, and have to make it work. Not everyone can be "the Chosen One," but their stories are just as notable. Interesting mention of her humility, and how it makes her look to the rest of the Order. It's bittersweet, I guess, the idea that she could have wound up on the Council. (Please don't kill her for Order66! Please?)
Hands-down, my favorite part was how you described the Force as an ocean. That's pretty much how I picture it, and you did such an amazing job with the description, the imagery, the language...it was just beautiful writing, the kind that I'm just happy that I get to read. Seriously...you have magic in this chapter. Keep up the excellent work!
I look forward to your next update! Thanks for writing this! :D
| sachariah chapter 6 . 10/9/2011
I loved the "tense" feel that carries across every character here. It helps create an immersive reading experience; I can easily picture myself in any of those character's shoes. The fact that several characters are running their own semi-coordinated covert ops adds an element of confusion, without actually being confusing. Yeah, that sounds right. :P Anyway... I do hope our heroes are successful (this being an *origin* story, I feel fairly certain you're at least not going to kill off *everybody*... :P).
Enjoyed Bluebird's POV, as always, I'm still trying to analyze her character, but she seems in many respects to be similar to the Jango clones, in her attitude towards people and circumstances and life in general. But she *isn't* quite the same as her brothers, and I'm really curious as to what you do with her.
/Loved/ Sals' scene, and everything about it. Almost all the Jedi that "star" in the Star Wars saga are the "cream of he crop" - Anakin, Obi-Wan, Yoda and Mace; even Ahsoka appears to be an exceptionally powerful Jedi (she was chosen by Yoda as Skywalker's apprentice). But historically the Jedi Order was at a low at that point, with fewer talent Force users to choose from, and more and more mediocre Jedi filling the ranks (the fact that all the truly powerful Force sensitives are forbidden to have *children* is bound to make powerful FSs a rare breed). It was touching to see Swiftwater recognize and accept herself as she is, rather than fret because she's not another Skywalker. And I'm *really* intrigued by her feelings that she's meant to play a role in the "big picture" (and I loved the wry humor she uses!). Seriously, I'm becoming insanely curious as to what you have in store for this girl.
Also enjoyed the geeky detail you threw in re the droids (and a little dab of steampunk never hurt anyone. ;). I can't wait to see where you go with all this.
| laloga chapter 5 . 9/23/2011
Yay! An update! Like I said, I've often thought about this story, and am really glad that you've kept it going! :D
I'm really enjoying Bluebird's POV - her "shininess" is a nice element to Zach and Sal's more experienced hands, and of course, I'm all for some girl power, which she brings admirably. Of course, there's the element of having to "prove herself" to the boys, which gives her shininess an added dimension. Nice take on her HUD - the idea that the clones could see a real-time ticker of their brethren's deaths is just...wow. Incredibly sad, but kind of coldly logical, I suppose.
Loved her and Zach's conversation about Patch, and of the others that they'd lost as well. It was a lovely "real" moment, sad, of course, but you wrote it beautifully. Of course, in typical clone fashion, Zach is insistent that he's "fine." So stubborn, but it's why we love them, I think! :P
Really loved Zach and Sal's tactics discussion...it was entertaining, informative, and very "real-feeling," if that makes sense. I could just picture the others looking kind of bewildered while the Jedi and the clone captain are firing off all kinds of mathematics and strategies to each other!
Great job with Dooku, though I'm rather worried for our heroes, now. More than before, I guess. I enjoy reading him - he's a great villain, but he's often tricky to pin down. I thought you did an excellent job portraying him in all of his cold arrogance here.
Can't wait for more! Soon, yes? ;)
| sachariah chapter 5 . 9/23/2011
Back you are, indeed!
So much tension in this chapter. The whole story really, since these are all OCs I really have no assurance that any of them will survive the next paragraph. I will say that I had difficulty keeping the speakers straight in some of the dialogue, but this is partially because... well, it's been a while since I read the last chapter and my command of the characters gets a bit fuzzy. But the discussion and recollection of the other clones was really powerful.
Also loved the description of Bluebird's HUD - I take it Karen Travis is responsible for fleshing out all that technology? Great handle on it, regardless. It was very geekily satisfying.
Wow... is Bluebird actually watching stats on her 'hatchmates' in other units? I didn't know that was possible. Sad, though, that she gets to see realtime as her... 'sisters'? - die, somewhere far away.
Perhaps my favorite scene was when Swiftwater and Zach are 'talking out' a strategy... wow, such brains. It makes sense that the Jedi would be essentially 'child prodigies' and be masters at physics and mathematics; in general they should be shockingly smart people. This really showcases that. Is there a term for that technique, by the way? I want to say there is, but the name is escaping me.
You got a great handle on Dooku here, although other than some veiled threats I'm not sure what tricks Chlors has left. Interesting...
"But we're here, sir. And we're better than a bunch of rebels; we've been trained for something like this." Way to girl, I'm hoping for the best, for ya.
Excellent chapter, as always! Looking forward to more!
| AL0LT0 chapter 4 . 8/27/2011
well it's a good chap much more interesting now with Myk. sorry i hadn't reviewed yet but for some reason chapter three didn't have the... omff i'm used to getting from your story's. usually you have an in-depth way of writing things that makes the reader want to keep going but chapter 3 seemed a little dead (for lack of a better term) to me. chapter 4 was better. please don't tack offense it really is a great story just try to remember to make them a little more than words on a paper, like you do with your other fic.
| laloga chapter 4 . 7/6/2011
Really loving "Sals" and Zach together here! You've done an excellent job with both characters, and I enjoyed seeing them in action: "Funny, that they could have such widely differing views and arguments on stupid things when they were safe, but in the field they thought as one." This is a great observation by Zach, and really sums up their partnership.
Loved this line: "A lot of things are supposed to be something, trooper, but they're not." :P
Also really enjoyed the "battle banter" between Zach and Cap, as well as Zach's amusement on Swiftwater's use of Mando'a.
I liked the introduction of Mykolas, though at first I didn't realize that he was Swiftwater's new Padawan; probably due to my own crappy memory than anything else. (BTW: Scylla is an awesome name for a planet! Love the mythology reference!) He seems like he's got a lot of issues to work through...look forward to reading more about him! (I also liked the mention of gossipy clones...makes perfect sense! I mean, they don't have much else to do...)
Awesome chapter! You have a good mix of action and character development here...I'm really enjoying this story!
| sachariah chapter 4 . 7/5/2011
Ah, the action begins.
For some reason the initial fight scene reminded me a lot of Qui-Gon and Kenobi, in Ep. 1. Well, I guess the reason is obvious - failed diplomacy and a fight through swarms of battle droids. Anyways, the action was excellent, especially loved the description of Sals lightsaber moves, the "broad sweep of jade destruction." It's concise, but very descriptive of a lightsaber's usage.
Loved how well Zach and Sals work together, knowing each others moves, etc. I like one Jedi/one clone teams (nit just romantic pairs, either) they seem almost symbolic, and can be quite deadly.
I do feel bad for Myk. That boys got it rough, already, and I'm curious as to his role in this story. Hmm...
Ah, just a quick glimpse Anakin, plus of my favorite clone Captain, and favorite Togruta (not that there's many of those to choose from). I'm always watching when those two are around... I don't think you're making these main characters here (though I wouldn't complain!) but it's nice to see them. None of these three had more than a couple lines but they all came acids very well, IMO.
Looking forward to more!
| sachariah chapter 3 . 6/24/2011
Whew! This was a packed chapter.
If I could make a suggestion, I'd break up a few of the large paragraphs. You have a lot of "thoughts" in here, and I can't fault that (heh, me of all people), but sometimes the paragraphs are a bit much to take in, IMHO.
The back story of Tervho and Apma and the female clones - wow. Could have come right out of a RC novel. I'm not so knowledgeable of that "branch" of SW, but this seems to do it justice, as far as I can tell.
Of course, the clones' conditioning here is very much after the RC-series as well, as opposed to TCW. The predrilled response, "quality control standards", etc, are as far as I know not acknowledged any where else in the Star Wars material.
Obviously, I'm a Rex fan, and a Cut L. fan as well, so that certainly biases my POV. In "Deserter", when Rex makes his statement for why he is "staying in the army" ("If we fail..."), Cut doesn't responded with "Hey! I remember those lines from flashtraining!" He does challenge Rex on whether or not that is truly his *own* reason, but then accepts it as satisfactory.
Now, I think the two perspectives are not mutually exclusive, but it has been my experience that authors like Traviss work hard to make the clone's position as ugly as possible, and then reflect it upon other groups like the Jedi.
Regardless, the Zach/Apma scene was very intense and touching, and adds an interesting touch to Zach's character.
Loved the strange "romance" of source between Apma and Tervho. My, quite an abrasive couple.
Okay, so it doesn't look like Cap and Bluebird and going to be BFF any time soon. Gee, cursing lessons, now? Triple P, indeed.
And, well, what do you know. It's a trap!
| laloga chapter 3 . 6/19/2011
I'm still making my way through "Triple Zero," but I have read the part about Skirata and the young Nulls, so I thoroughly enjoyed seeing young Zach with his training Sergeant. It was chilling how Zach parroted this views of the Kaminoans (and the Republic as well, I suppose) regarding the clones' purpose: "and if our capacity to serve is not enough to preserve the Republic's way of life...then we have no reason for existing, and without a reason to exist we must be taken care of as efficiently as is possible." Ugh.
I don't blame B'arin's extreme reaction to such osik: "And they're breeding little boys to die for it, because no one stops to think that maybe, just maybe, they ought to screw the whole thing and just try again!" It's really quite an abysmal situation, one that it never seems like the show tackles all that much. It was also nice to see young clones in one of these stories; we don't get to see them in TCW very often, and you did an excellent job meshing Traviss' clone "stuff" with the show's portrayal.
Cap and Bluebird's section was very entertaining, though I did raise my eyebrows at the "we are so dead," comment. I really enjoyed the excessive swearing without the actual swearing, if that makes sense. It's far more entertaining to imagine what's actually being said! (Triple P...awesome!)
Regarding Bluebird; I did have my doubts about female clones, but you are pulling it off with aplomb. The fact that the Kaminoans kept threatening her group with reconditioning due to their "lack" of performance felt all-too-real. I guess even in a GFFA women still have to be twice as good as men just to be considered "adequate," huh? Those damn long-necks...grrrr.
Chairman Chlors seems awfully confident, but my money's on Swiftwater and Zach, all the same.
Loved this chapter! I'm sorry it took me so long to review...RL can be a pain in the shebs, sometimes. :P Looking forward to more!
| AL0LT0 chapter 2 . 6/11/2011
i sense some problems coming for Blue hehe guess i'm not getting a cookie but all the same great chapter :)
| Edward's Forever Lover chapter 2 . 6/9/2011
Hey! Surprisingly enough, as soon as I saw that you had posted your second chapter, I rushed to fanfiction to read and guess what? I got it! Well mostly. I realized that there were a lot of characters that you had in this chapter, each different in their own and interesting way. My questions to you (naturally lol u know how i m w/ star wars): Buir, Apma, Mando, Sifleean, and Geonosis...? Of which that are the characters, did you make them up? And for those that are not characters like geonosis, what is it? I have been following all your stories but to be honest, I am most intrigued by this and will follow this more closely :). I know you have explained BlueBird to me before and I think it's really cool how you have a female clone...usually there are only male clones right? Anyways, so yes, I read this chapter and I really liked it. I got most of it too! Ain't that great?