|Reviews for Red Stare|
| moonlight64 chapter 1 . 8/18/2012
It's so sad...
It really made me cry! Good written, but TOO SAD!
| xxEternityxx chapter 1 . 8/19/2011
I love the angst as much as the cheesy stuff, and I like how we can relate to how she's feeling here. We can understand the sentiments and empathize completely. It's difficult to explain, it's like we're feeling exactly what she's feeling and not seeing it through a glass window. Sorry, I'm not very specific but I'm a tad tired so I'm not at my reviewing best :(
Loved this one though(one of my favorites of yours)!
Off to review another one of your stories...
| Mishi543 chapter 1 . 7/4/2011
Wow. This is so eloquent and achingly beautiful in a melancholic way.
| afreezingnote chapter 1 . 6/16/2011
I guess I should start off by saying that I've never really seriously reviewed a fic before. I just got out of a semester of creative writing, so I guess I'm still in workshop mode. So, this is going to be straightforward, and I may sound like a jerk. I don't mean it like that. This work is good. It sets up information for some really good scenes. My first complaint is that it's too short! Of course, asking for more is always a good sign.
I like the beginning and where Lisbon is shocked to find a change in Jane. I think you're totally right on that: it will change him. I'm not sure about the part about her having lied about what she thought he would feel. I think Lisbon believes too passionately in legal justice to truly believe that Jane will find relief in revenge. Though if she does, deep inside feel that it was a lie, then show us the thought process that led to her conclusion. It would be interesting if she had asked how it had felt. Even if she didn't, I'd like to see more inside her head. Why can't she look at him? Even if it's something she doesn't want to think about, a part of her knows, and one thing my teacher said is that you always have to explain something when you say it. You can't describe anything as indescribable. I know it's difficult, but it's sound advice.
The trial is something that I would love to see expanded. If it was emotionally exhausting for Lisbon, don't tell us about it, show us. Let us hear, with Lisbon's thoughts, Jane answer the question, how do you plead? On top of the witnesses, does Lisbon think Jane would want to not plead guilty? He's spent a long time hunting Red John, and almost maniacally relishes the idea of ending his life for good reason. I think Jane would want to own the fact that he'd gotten his vengeance, and that probably makes Lisbon uncomfortable. The way you describe Lisbon being upset about thinking about it is great. I wonder if she imagines how it was. And if she does, I wonder if it's accurate. Again, your description of the way Lisbon feels while on the stand is great, but I'd like to hear her testimony, hear her get caught on words. And memories. The prosecutor would probably ask if Jane had displayed a desire for revenge before, and it would be fabulous to know how Lisbon responds.
Then him confronting her about not looking at him, oh so Jane! But show us more. Him thanking her? So Jane. And even though it's not much to her, I'd like to know what they said to each other. (Your characterization of Jane, without him being in the spotlight as usual, is very good. That's a hard thing to accomplish, so big props on that.)
Let us hear the sentence with her, maybe? You do a good job of letting us know with the last line what it was, but for the sake of expansion (which this whole review is based on, I guess), I'd love to hear it with her. I love the look trying to convey everything, but I want to know her thoughts too. Just what is it she'd like to say to Patrick Jane but won't? The stare is marvelous also. I can just see his resignation in that moment. (Again, lovely characterization with Jane.)
And I love the last bit. For the whole thing, I like seeing a vulnerable side to Lisbon, and I think you have her reactions down accurately. We don't really see it on the show, but I think she is the type of girl that would cry herself to sleep over something that upsets her because she won't let anyone else see her weakness. Like I've said many times, I'd just like to see more. So, basically, I liked this enough to spend this long reviewing it because I think this has potential to be spectacular in another draft, if you'd consider doing it. I'd enjoy reading it if you did. Whatever you decide, keep writing.
| shepweir always chapter 1 . 6/6/2011
Tragic and such a pity but so what could end up being a true JIBSON
story but I hope not, well planned out and presented I could feel all her pain and loss
| OutCold chapter 1 . 6/2/2011
WOO HERE I AM REVIEWING. Because I'm not like the people we are currently discussing.
I am amazing.
And do you know why I am so amazing?
Because with my amazing powers of amazing persuasiveness, I persuade you to post amazing stories like this. GO ME. (flash to Jane; Go Cho! :P).
Something about the line "Eight years is a long time to wait for revenge, that's what he said", really gets to me. Don't make me explain because I can't. It just does. And the sadness of Lisbon thinking she doesn't compare to Jane's family - YOU DO HE JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. And the last line of that paragraph, the "How he'd come in quietly. There was a first time for everything she'd supposed" makes me laugh in kind of a sad way.
I like how your fics say Jane DID feel better. Because I do believe that he did. I mean, you saw it in him in that last scene, he was, well, in shock, but just more... zen.
"Only then did she cry herself to sleep." LISBOOOOONNNN. You make me so sad. You're a sadmaking person. You're a Dark Dragon :P.
Oh my gosh, tearing up so much about how much it hurts to look at him. Poor poor poor poor Lisbon. She doesn't deserve this.
And your description of the look she gives him after the sentencing. I can picture that look so well. And it's so painful.
As for the last line.
| funnygirlOoObroadwaybaby chapter 1 . 6/1/2011
This was really sad, but REALLY good! And very true to the show. I'm glad you were convinced to post it, it's reallly good :)
| anon chapter 1 . 6/1/2011
This was quite sad but i enjoyed it.
| Tempe4Booth chapter 1 . 5/31/2011
it hurt my heart too