|Reviews for Morning Glory|
| x-Spaghetto-x chapter 11 . 8/24/2011
Sorry for the delay ;D
:O What is all this confidence between anko and sasuke? I'm jealous! xD
Sasuke, put your eyes far from my sweet girl! ù.ù
Oh, I like the atmosphere in the hideout...*w*
Will konoha's guys find them? DD:
I loved the end of the chapter...*-*
Thank you very much! Update *L*
| Ryunn Kazan chapter 11 . 8/18/2011
FLIPPIN' YEAH! THIS WAS AWESOME! (throws shoe out window) But they're too happy, something's about to happen. I can smell it...
| Murdered.By.A.Marionette chapter 11 . 8/18/2011
Woot woot! I finally got around to reading into this chapter. :3
I really liked it too! So theres an improvement on Sasuke/Anko's unfriendly relationship - that's actually pretty good because I like the rough and angry arguments they have - it's actually kinda funny, haha.
Oooooooh so Sasuke is gonna go off and stare at Anko in the hot spring ehh? Pfft, what a little pervert! Even though he claims to not be very interested in affairs - especially with the opposite sex (no doubt thanks to Sakura, Ino, and every other fangirl on the planet) - he still finds it in his 'growing' hormones to look at Ankos naked body. Lolol!
Oro/Anko lime/lemons YUMMY! :3
| Cutebutdeadlyalchemist chapter 5 . 8/17/2011
wow ok where to start...
um well that was a great chapter! And might I say it was a very creative mission... I have to admit I was laughing at the mention of the sex slave thing...
Anyways, I love your characterization in this too! I can see why you were proud of this chapter! Well done!
| Cutebutdeadlyalchemist chapter 4 . 8/17/2011
aww I like the ending line. Can't wait to read next chapter!
| Kise M chapter 11 . 8/15/2011
Hmm...lot's o close contact happin' here. No offense mate but I recognize some of this writing from stories I've read before-hand, but you might just have the same ideas...
| Kim Uzumaki chapter 11 . 8/12/2011
Awsome. I love the ending. Its so sweet.
| Cutebutdeadlyalchemist chapter 3 . 8/9/2011
wow... i'm actually glad I read this because it totally refreshed my memory on the land of the sea arc (which I love btw) kk on to the next chapter!
| Orochimaru-no-aijin chapter 5 . 8/8/2011
I can see why you enjoyed this chapter so much :P
Normally I hate kabuto but you've actually managed to make him quite an interesting, and for some reason likable, character.
Also I think you've been pretty original in the way u introduced oro but you still maintained all the original characters personalities which is prob one of the most important parts of fan fiction
However, as much as I hate to say it, it's still not... perfect.
LoL you probably tired of hearing it from me so often but I just wanted to let you know :)
It's just random words like 'what, did he brainwashed you'
Either way the mistakes are so few and far between that I wouldn't have noticed if I wasnt reading this for the 5th? time :P
| Gerkyhen chapter 11 . 8/7/2011
Poor Sasuke XD Having to hear his sensei and Anko making love every night can't exactly be a nice experience for him :L
Wittle Sasuke. I like how he's still stoic, but seeing Anko naked made him all flustered. He wouldn't usually run away XD
I like the fact that Anko cares for Sasuke. Because that's what she's like; she can't help caring no matter how the people around her treat her. She's too nice of a woman deep down to let a young boy go.
Anko's started dressing very provocatively though hasn't she? :L Probably all Orochimaru's orders I'll bet XD
Poor poor Sasuke! It nearly broke my heart when he said: 'Mother?'
I like the way you're still treating him as a human. You clearly understand his motives for leaving well and you're not being one of those authors that blame him for everything and cast him in a bad light.
| Black-Inque2002 chapter 11 . 8/7/2011
Okay, here goes. This is going to be a bit long, I'm afraid, so I'll break it down into pros and cons.
Pros: You've got potential as a writer. I can definitely see that. However, I can tell you're just at the beginning and you've yet to mature your style. That comes with experience and a lot of practice. So keep at it and you'll see yourself grow. I promise. :) I also want to give you credit for tackling two very dark and complex characters that just happen to be my favorites.
Cons: I would suggest investing in a beta reader, as I caught several grammatical errors as well as errors with your verb tenses. It's no big deal, but they can be distracting to the flow of the story.
Another issue I had was your characterizations. They were on key for the most part, but Anko wandered dangerously into Mary Sue territory by having nearly all the men in Konoha, Orochimaru, AND Sasuke giving her the hungry eye. Sure, she's meant to be sexy, but I don't think every man she'd come across would automatically be attracted to her. Sasuke, especially, would have little to no interest in her or any of those baser instincts. That's just not in his personality. He lives for only the destruction of Itachi.
Orochimaru, as well, suffered a few mis-steps. You've nailed the chilly, dark, sensual side of him, but I'm afraid to say that towards the end he became a bit...chastened? Tamer? He was almost too compliant with Anko. If they were to have any sort of relationship, you'd bet Orochimaru would be the one calling ALL of the shots and pretty much leave Anko with no room for negotiations. Also, Orochimaru is profoundly utilitarian. If he finds no use for someone, he gets rid of them. I think there needed to be more from Anko to rekindle his interest in her than simple heartache. Orochimaru isn't the kind of man to be led about by emotions or sentiment. He's led by selfishness and using others for his own benefit. That's very much a big part of his personality.
The last thing I want to comment on is your tendency to be a bit florid with your descriptions. I think it's quite common for beginning writers to think that in order to make a story appealing they need to load their paragraphs with an abundance of adjectives. This isn't necessarily true. I think if you held back some on that end your prose would be much more polished. Also, try choosing more appropriate descriptive words. I notice that you like to use "optics" in place of "eyes" but in honesty, it sounds un-natural.
I hope I don't come across as condescending or anything. I really want to help you improve. I'm just giving you my honest critique. Please don't take it that I'm trying to nitpick. I just think with some time and practice you'll really do quite well as a writer.
Take care and don't stop! The creative process can be long and arduous, but ultimately it can produce something quite beautiful.
| Jigoku-Dayu93 chapter 11 . 8/6/2011
Mmm, yes, lemon, ay! It's so good to see Orochimaru's mouth living up to all its potential. *drools* As for Sasuke, he's likable in this chapter, like in the others, but I still think he's a jerk. Though it was cool that she got through to him a bit and made him a little less haughty. Kind of wished there was more Kabuto. (I think he feels left out, poor guy!) And poor Kurenai... Though I don't know what Asuma's thinking. Orochimaru's got to have ruined Anko for all other men. It'd be pretty unfair on Kakashi to have to be the follow-up to that. Like going on after Sinatra or Elvis.
| Cbda chapter 2 . 8/6/2011
Damn it! It cut off! Stupid iPod. Anyways can't wait to read the next chapter!
| Cutebutdeadlyalchemist chapter 2 . 8/6/2011
I don't wanna log in...
Anyways, good job on the chapter. Love the genma
| Orochimaru-no-aijin chapter 11 . 8/5/2011
Sasuke and Anko aye? ;) lol that seems to be typical for oro fanfiction... Then again u might just surprise me :P
Love the plotline so far and I really want to commend u on the standard of ur writing. It makes it so much more