|Reviews for 1854|
| Jenna chapter 1 . 10/6/2013
This is Jenna from Writers' Club.
I haven't read Fallen yet but I think I have a good idea of what it's about. It's a nice start although I think it's a bit short. I like the guy's point of view thing because it's a refreshing after reading so many stories from girls' points of views.
There were a few grammatically errors I found but it's nothing too big. Instead of using "..." a regular period fits just fine. What bugged me most was:
"Oh no he thought I should have known to stay away from her this time."
Because since you're writing in third person, you could have easily said "he knew he should stay away from her this time" instead of making the "he thought" awkward but it's your story, your choice. It just doesn't look correct in a grammatical way...y'know?
Good writing though.
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/13/2012
I wish you would stop stating "this is what he pondered as..." and "he thought that while he..." try staing things like, "As he began tracing the lines of her cheeks he pondered about what..." and such. That will make your story flow more and will sound less amature. Otherwise this is a great story.
| Breakdown29 chapter 3 . 10/10/2012
I like that you chose to write this storyfrom Daniel's pov
| Emma chapter 1 . 9/7/2011
Its really good! I have been wanting someone to write about one of the other life times Luce and Daniel have been together. You should diffently continue the story
| xxCharmspeakerxx chapter 2 . 7/18/2011
It's team Jacob and team Edward in twilight,
It's team Leo and team Jason in the Heroes of Olympus and now,
It's team Daniel and team Cam,
Who do I choose? Daniel of corse!
| angel.of.life.x chapter 1 . 6/24/2011
Awwww i really like it please continue and would you be able to review my story broken tears its under the fallen catergory :) :)
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/6/2011
Every start to dialogue doesn't need to start with the word "Oh" It lost my interest when it became too repetitive.