|Reviews for Zoids: A New Perspective|
| RougeBaron chapter 9 . 4/16/2013
Very cool concept! Not many fanfics center around the zoids. That's how zoids are thinking when they are "abused" by humans! Nice imagination.
A little complain: too many Ligers in this story. What about other type of zoids like Iron Kong, Storm Sworder, Gojulas, Demantis, Sinker, etc etc?
| HeartlessNeoshadow chapter 8 . 8/17/2012
I'm very glad to see that this got updated again. It's still great, and I'm wishing that you would get more followers! This really does need recognition, especially when compared to a lot of other fics out there. Because of this, I've still got most of the same compliments as before: The characterization is great! I'm really enjoying the personalities I'm seeing, even if they're somewhat cliche. The conflicts between the characters are something unique though, as they really show some different sides to these characters.
However, I'm seeing a particular improvement to your writing style that I think you would benefit greatly from if you applied. It may just be me, but I feel the need to point it out, and that is this: I think the words you are using to describe things are too subjective, rather than objective. Basically, it seems to me like you are using your opinion to detail what's going on rather than simply showing us. Let me show you an example of what I mean:
"The chatter of people was almost numbing to Shattered Dream's ears. (1) That sickening feeling had suddenly exploded into full blown nervousness. (2) He had never been to a show before, and was stunned by all the commotion and strange new experiences. Zoids like himself with custom paint jobs, Zoids with strange new additions. (3) Hell, there was even a Zoid with three heads. (4) But what was most astonishing to him was an absolutely beautiful Zoid, a Liger Zero to be exact. (5) Wings like liquid silver moved back and forth ever so slightly, unable to keep still. It walked with certainty and dainty pride, much like a calm queen who feared nothing. But, it had no number, and merely stood in the center of everything, everyone rushing past it. It had no number, perhaps it didn't even have a pilot. Perhaps it was… (6) wait, was it staring at him? The more Shattered Dream looked, the more out of place it seemed. In fact, the more he stared, the more familiar it became. Memories stirred in his mechanical brain, wanting to surface but not yet able too."
Sentences that I feel could be reworked have been numbered. Below is the way that I feel it would read best. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion, so take my version as you will.
"The chatter of people was numbing to Shattered Dream's ears. The feeling had suddenly exploded into full blown nervousness. He had never been to a show before, and was stunned by all the commotion and new experiences. Zoids like himself with custom paint jobs, Zoids with strange new additions. In fact, there was even a Zoid with three heads. But what was most astonishing to him was a Liger Zero with wings of a liquid silver color. They moved back and forth gradually, unable to keep still. It walked with certainty and dainty pride, much like a calm queen who feared nothing. But, it had no number, and stood in the center of everything, with everyone rushing past it. It had no number, perhaps it didn't even have a pilot. He wasn't sure at all in regards to anything about it. However, the fact that it was staring at him confused him even more. The more Shattered Dream looked, the more out of place the zoid seemed, but yet it also became familiar at the same time. Memories stirred in his mechanical brain, wanting to surface but not yet able too."
The reason why I am mentioning this to you is because I have noticed, over the course of reading many other stories since your last update, that those that follow what I have just described to you tend to do a much better job at immersing the reader. The really let you see in your mind what is happening, whereas when it's told with opinionated words, you somewhat get the idea that you are reading someone who is speaking instead. I know that I may not be the best person to talk about this since it is something that you may even be able to find in my own story (which I am going through again and updating), but I personally think that taking this into consideration would greatly improve something which is already great. :)
Oh, and I know that this kind of goes against a comment I made in my previous review, haha. Well, people do change over time. Either way, do keep updating this!
| HeartlessNeoshadow chapter 6 . 6/5/2011
THIS is something really special, and I can really see it becoming dear to this fandom. It's not just that the concept of this is really good, but it's execution is absolutely perfect! Your way of portraying the zoids as actual characters is very entertaining, and your plotline is enticing so far. There's lots of mystery in it, because the world Milo/Shattered Dream is in is a very different one. Lol, zoids in movies. Maybe I should have seen that one coming, but whatever. and Eve and all... Funny what she's named after.
Anyway, PLEASE do continue this! I'm loving it! :D Your writing skills are extremely top-notch!