Reviews for New Dawn
natashar chapter 16 . 4/20/2012
cant wait for more
Eishahuzefa chapter 16 . 4/13/2012
Thankyouuuuu sooooo much!

Its ok i understand how you feel when a story doesnt turn out the way you really want it to. If you dont finish it, its your choice but thanks for leaving this draft anyways. Its a really good story so far and who knows? Maybe someday, years later, you'll come up with an idea to end the story.. But either way, thanks for restoring it :)
Eishahuzefa chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
What the hell? Why couldnt you just start a whole new story instead? Why did you have to replace it entirely with a whole new chapter? You could leave that story the way it was, why change it? Yea i get it its ur story ur choice but this has kind of let me down. I respect the fact that you wanted to start over. But atleast you shouldnt have deleted this one story. Ok u couldnt complete it. You could have left it as a draft. I enjoy reading material regardless of whether its complete or not. Urs was really good reading material. You could have made a new story but you didnt. Its ur choice ofcourse but i just wanted to let you know how you have just deleted a story that some one else could have taken inspiration from. Sorry for forcing my opinion on u but u had an option of starting over then y delete THIS one story? Thanks alot.. (sarcasm)
natashar chapter 1 . 4/12/2012
cant wait for more
Eishahuzefa chapter 15 . 2/19/2012
3 dis story. I just recently read this and i must say u r an amazing writer. Not many people have the ability to write dat well and to create a picture in the reader's mind using only words. I noticed the update date.. U havnt updated this story in quite a while.. Please if u get the time, can u write out the next chapter? Cant wait to read about wat happens next :D

looking forward to reading furthur.. :) Eisha..
j macphail chapter 15 . 2/15/2012
kiki - please update! It's been almost three months! Seriously -need another chapter, please.
K Krystine chapter 15 . 1/28/2012
whats next?
real review chapter 8 . 1/4/2012
Hey, usually I would wait till the end of what has been written to write a review but this was really irking me this chapter and I wanted to say a few things, so here goes. By the way this is a real critique, I am in no way trying to be mean, but just trying to give you a few pointers so you can review your story and improve it, so you can take it or leave it, up to you completely :). To start of positively I do think that this story holds a lot of potential, and with a little nudge in the right direction it could be one of those stories that gets thousands of reviews.

Now on to the harder part. I fell that when in Bella’s point of view you are more seeing it from just her eyes than seeing it from her, in the way that it is much to descriptive about what see is seeing happening step by step rather than what she feels as events are taking place. As you will see in most good pieces of literature that they only write the important parts rather than every little thing that someone did. (Like I woke up for breakfast, I went to brush my teeth, had cornflakes then put on this top with this skirt and this necklace) etc . In all honesty you can cut all of that stuff out, try and be brutal.

You keep writing what everyone is wearing and that is a habit that you need to try to break, it can be extremely boring for readers and is simply not needed, you need to skip to the juicy bits, and expand on them some more, for example that shopping trip in my opinion was unneeded, I may have been mentioned in passing but no more was really needed. In all honesty I wanted to skip it but so I could write an honest review I didn’t but I certainly skimmed it. If you did really want to write it, I reckon you could have reduced it about 90% as again it was more a sort of minute by minute account rather than a story. (Its not that I’m not interested in fashion I am very much so, so don’t just pass of this point that I’m so old bag :P it just doesn’t have a place in good story, unless its something like devil ears prada, and even then they write it in a less descriptive manner that makes it more interesting)

Last point I promise. Try to keep in mind what someone would actually say when writing speech, it is very easy to fall into a habit of writing speech how you would write rather than speak. I’ll just use a quick example of Alice "Plus in pencil skirts and some pants you can see your panty line so you need thongs so you can't see the lines.” In this sentence the last part (so you need thongs so you can't see the lines) would never be said in speech, it is implied by the first part, and you would in real speech stop speaking there, however in writing you may carry on with the rest to further emphasis your point. This is what you need to try and stop, that may be a little confusing because I didn’t know how to really put it down in words but I hope you understand.

Anyway thats the end of my essay, to recap, less event, minute by minute description and more feelings and emotion (tho don’t go over bored, stories can go to much in the opposite direction as well) I really hope you take what I have said into consideration, because as I said I do think this story has a lot of potential. :)
Hatty101 chapter 15 . 12/22/2011
I can't wait for more more more! i love your stories especially this one please write more soon x
Synchro lover chapter 15 . 12/5/2011
dr.meow1234 chapter 15 . 11/28/2011
Let me be the first to say ive read your story in one sitting loved it please update soon I love yur story the plot great and bella as Edward relationship right now is on fire and noting has even happened yet :)
alc1002 chapter 15 . 11/28/2011
Good chapter
alc1002 chapter 14 . 11/28/2011
Good chapter
alc1002 chapter 13 . 11/28/2011
Good chapter
alc1002 chapter 12 . 11/28/2011
Good chapter
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