|Reviews for Hymnia Voice of the Soul|
| 23CR3T chapter 3 . 6/6/2013
Plot kinda reminds me of Psyren!-de chi!
| WhitexxCarbonara chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
Interesting Story...Was this based by something or did you make it yourself? I find it...engaging.
| Ghost-Drive chapter 5 . 7/27/2011
awesome as always ;D
I like the emotional parts, you almost made me cry with it, so I should say it worked.
Well... though you can capitalize the "L" in Len! ;P
| Ghost-Drive chapter 4 . 6/27/2011
hiya! you updated! XD
Good job! This is a lot better than the chapter before. kudos for you! I don't see any apparent mistakes, too. D
ooh! This story is going to the political side as well? This is so going to be interesting.
I'll be sure to stay tuned!
| Chikanpo chapter 3 . 6/16/2011
I love the plot for this. And Hatchune creeps me out a little bit xD It's adorable in it's own creepy way.
This has a really cool plotline. I don't even know what to say ; But I really like it.
One thing I would suggest to make more people read it, would be to set the characters. I know a lot of people use character filters to search for stories, and it would be a shame for them to miss this one because there's no characters set.
Unless you have a reason not to. I dunno, just a suggestion
| Ghost-Drive chapter 3 . 6/15/2011
let's see... missed! I thought of Gumi (She's my fave), Miku and Kaito. I don't really know if Hachune is a Vocaloid, though!
comments on the plot:
Unlocking involves making marks on the body... don't say they "engraved" those motifs on Len? My thoughts are starting to scare me...
Adagio? like, slow tempo? A cool name, maybe it relates to Len who tends to think about things slowly and calmly? But damn, the reflexes of Len and that sword sure is fast.
Hm... "Azure Double", indeed sounds like a video game rip-off. Kaito has too many fanmade varieties too, by the way XD
Poor Hachune got slammed into the wall! D
Now that I look at your description of Grand Terra, I can't help but think of Ivalice, a world in FF Tactics Advance. Same, yet different, complete with monsters (Keii?) XD
critics on storytelling:
description: "Large and fine crimson blade mounted on a gadget that was strapped on Len's arm" what was that actually? the crimson blade was pictured fine, but what kind of a gadget? a steel handle? a radar? a revolver (which would make it a gunblade)? oh, don't tell me it's a phone? *smacked* a "gadget" has a very wide interpretation, and might fail conveying what you actually mean to readers, be careful with words like that when describing something, especially if you want to be specific. words like "food", "drink" and others also counts.
I'm sure you read my previous review, you can be a little more descriptive on this. like when Len said the name of his Hymnia, rather than just "Len repeated", I would say "Len repeated, while (for example) staring in amazement on his weapon." It's really your choice, though.
descriptions about the world: even though your telling it is clear enough, some people would get lazy and just scroll down the text. To avoid this, be narrative in the description. A good example would be Rin explaining when they were walking to the training center, include some of the situation in the base too.
well, I have a continuation to it, but it will wait for later because that way the review will get too long~
kudos for you for the chapter- it was awesome! XD
| Kiyutsuna chapter 3 . 6/15/2011
Aww, My guess of Miku, Kaito and Meiko.
Hachune sure's cute though~ 3
I love the names you've given to the Hymnias and the groups and such.
"Adagio"'s a ver nice sounding name, though in musical theory, it does mean "slow" and I wonder if that's a fitting name for a sword that's supposed to have quick reflexed. However, it sounds nice and has a nice ring to it, so that's all good XD
Hmm...something I'd like to point out would be that some of your descriptions are kind of...messy. I mean, you can still understand what's going on perfectly fine, but it's hard to picture the scene in detail. Examples would be Len's hair, were you trying to describe his ponytail (hence "Yellow Tail") or just the spiky bangs he has? Also Adagio, it's kinda hard to picture what it looks like exactly because all I can picture is a red blade attached to his arm. Exactly what is the thing that's connecting it?
But, critique aside, the story's still very nicely thought out. I'm looking forward to the mystery behind Rin and Rinea being reveiled. Also, I sure hop that Miku wouldn't take a romantic interest in len...since it happens in almost every story XD LOL
So great job! Keep it up~~ 3
| Kiyutsuna chapter 2 . 6/11/2011
Oh wow, this is such an interesting story! It makes me excited for more~
Rinea and Rin has to be connected right? Maybe they're the same person? I just hope it won't end up being like a love triangle...I don't like love triangles XD
That aside, I really like the way you write, it purposeful and clear and also captures the mood very well! I'm definately looking forward to the next chapter!
Gambatte! (Do your best)
| Ghost-Drive chapter 2 . 6/11/2011
Hi, it's me again! I hope you're not getting tired seeing me around. let's get to the review:
Awesome sauce. I like how you introduced dilemmas without making Len sound like an angsty person.
And another thing to notice- when you are explaining something, make sure it's still narrative:
I mean, slide some description between dialogue, and some dialogue between description. What I mean by this is:
Rin is explaining, right?
Write about how she said that.
Write also Len's reaction.
Write too how Len feels in the middle of it all.
This will help breaking a lump of long dialogues to short, understandable simple sentences.
and because I also expected fight scenes here, the opposite might help too: most fight scenes are overflowed by descriptions on actions.
If someone is hurt, they may scream. Don't worry about it being unimportant. It helps breaking up descriptions.
They may also talk, either to their allies or their enemies.
Oh, and fight scenes must never be used for spamming. If it means nothing for the plot and is just like "a random encounter" in most games, skip it. Nobody is too interested reading that.
Hope I was useful ;D
| Ghost-Drive chapter 1 . 6/7/2011
first review! XD
awesome story, I like how you loosened yourself from the fanon (as there is no canon in Vocaloid) and the fantasy elements. I guess thos will get kinda sci-fi-ish? XD
sentences are easy to understand and take meaning of. there is no need for elaborated language in fanfiction as long as readers enjoy and understand. so far it's doing very good. D
hoping for you to update soon!