|Reviews for Secret Warrior: SpiderMan|
| sdsd chapter 19 . 6/22
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/20
So Peter had his powers all his life and now he just discovered Spider sense that's kind of weird I would have thought Peter would be more like assassin Spiderman training his abilities to the limit maybe go pass the limits he had like 18 years of his 23 years to train his powers.
| Guest chapter 19 . 6/11
| Saint Deltora chapter 16 . 6/1
"Not long at all, I've very good with compu….." - I 'am' very good
The force of the explosion caught them while they were in mid-air and blew them away from the house and sent them tumbling across the law where they all violent hit the ground. - 'violently'
I mean it's not like we've really defined our relationship and ideally that's what people should do before they sleep together right" - LO?
"Oh, well I guess I'm behind on the times then. Call me old fashion" - 'old fashioned'
'God why do I sound like I'm in the 10th grade. - LO?
He grunted as he tossed a piece of the house off of her but his eyes widen - 'widened'
"She's is but she's also misunderstood" - 'She' is
"Yes, Fury" - LO?
"Aren't we, well…Half-dead" - LO?
"Dead is Dead Clinton" - No need to capitalize it twice.
"You do" - LO?
then yes Clint the one in the same" - the one 'and' the same.
I isolated all the signals incoming and outgoing from the coordinates of Aaron Jefferies house. - I think there should be an 's somewhere there.
I call the number and the cell phone is registered to Jenkins, - 'called'
you're going to Kill him." - Improper capitalization.
She was a wild card, one that has been working in his favor - 'had'
"And now we do to" Fury replied in a low voice, - 'too'
He was the blue armored Avenger who has single handedly help save the world. - 'had' and 'helped'
'Can I do this….Can I murder a hero - LO?
Well Parker….you wanted to be spy well, welcome to the world of gray.' - 'a' spy. Also, I feel this line would flown better without the second 'well'.
but what about the red one though. - LO?
I like it….was it his idea or yours." - LO?
or would you prefer Aaron Jefferies or perhaps your real name Matthew Davis" - LO?
but it seems you can never escape the past can you." - LO?
I will be honest... I kept hoping until the end that Abner would live. The idea you had, that as a spy and member of SHIELD Peter would inevitably have to kill someday is good if not even important. But I kinda felt the way you used it was rather... forced?
Anyways... that's all.
| Saint Deltora chapter 15 . 5/30
But you heard him…something has happen" - 'happened'
"Where's that adrenaline junkie attitude at now" - LO?
"Clint, it's over okay, - LO?
"Was as in past tense" - LO?
Colonel Fury I believe in everything that shield stands for….keeping the peace and protecting innocents - I think this setence could benefit from some punctuation after "Fury" and "innocents"
I guess on retainer - Maybe you meant 'a' retainer?
he took a few breaths"Did she have any family?" - Add space between "breaths" and Peter's line.
"And if she was a sleeper agent for this Goblin then it highly likely that there is another…Nick" - LO?
I know that Barton, it's a problem that I'm dealing with currently alright, - LO?
"Did you hear what I said" Colonel Fury interrupted - LO?
"How" Peter asked. - LO?
As you said Clint, this isn't really isn't your area, - You can remove the first "isn't"
"When are we not against the clock Nick" Natasha chimed. - LO?
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack" - LO?
"Wasn't that the whole reason why I had to cover for you at the Avengers Mansion yesterday night." - LO?
"That is the question, isn't it" - LO?
but it still doesn't answer the most important question….Where the hell is he now and how do we get to him." Said Clint seriously. - LO?
A long paused passed between the three spies - 'pause' no "d".
Once the three spies had the address of Matthew Davis/Aaron Jefferies they immediate did a quick change - 'immediately'
"We won't know anything definite until we get out hands on him." - 'our' hands
"When" - LO?
I said what are we going to do with this guy once we get our hands on him, - LO?
"Okay class if we go by that logic and multiple - 'multiply'
"Uh….Professor" - LO?
"WHO IS IT!" - LO?
This chapter was okay.
I sorta disliked how they found out about Abner though, it felt too easy.
| Saint Deltora chapter 14 . 5/29
"So what you're saying is that you failed to get the ring is that it Parker, is that what you're telling me" - LO?
Peter heaved a sigh and he stared at image of his boss on the viewing screen. - at 'the' image
"That is unaccepted Parker…unacceptable. - I can't tell what "unnacepted" is supposed to be.
Peter saw the stressed look upon his bosses face and he raised his eyebrows. - 'boss's' face
"So let me guess the rules have changed" - LO?
Peter grimaced a bit because he knew that the last comment was meant for him and his recent mishap with Domino and loosing the ring. - 'losing'
"According this they were on an island that's just off of the coast of New Zealand" - according 'to' this
maybe even retire there one day. What am I saying - LO?
When her rotation came for her time off she rejoiced happily - Those last two words are kinda redundant, don't you think?
Her eyes widen a bit at the sight of him and she tried to run faster - 'widened'
"Miss are you alright" - LO?
"Miss are you alright" - LO?
Veronica heard man put some items on the table and then sit down in the seat next to her, - heard 'the' man
"Do you understand that you stupid girl. - LO?
And even if you did go to Fury do you really think he'll listen. - LO?
"And if I refuse" - LO?
Peter eyes slowly open and the - 'Peter's eyes' slowly 'opened'
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM!" - LO?
The entire are started to violently rumble and shake. - 'area'
Two long green scaly spikes started arise from out of the lava - started 'to' arise
The creatures form castes a - 'creature's' form 'casted'
"Trying saying that five times fast" - 'Try'
"Why" - LO?
"You can read my mind, which means you already know why I'm here…don't you." - LO?
"That was you pretending to be them in my mind wasn't it" - LO?
He quickly noticed how his 5'11 stature didn't nothing against Fin Fang Foom's towering 6'9 height. - stature 'was' nothing.
I'm fighting dragons now! What is this World of Warcraft!' - LO?
Peter had no time to move but he hand time to brace himself - 'had' time to brace
Widow shushed, she turned her head to the guards and her eyes widen when she saw them looking at her "Damn it" - her eyes 'widened'
I know that this is mission is compromised - You can probably remove the first "is".
As soon as Black Widow stepped into the open cavern she was bombard - 'bombarded'
Widow jumped a kneed - 'and' kneed
I will be honest... I didn't really like this chapter. Peter should have focused on getting Natasha and Clint out rather then try to do both it and the Rings, maybe he could have negotiated with Fin Fang Foon on letting them go in exchange for telling SHIELD not to bother him.
| Saint Deltora chapter 13 . 5/25
'I have worst luck in the world' - I have 'the' worst luck in the world.
"I was curious about kick, - Remember to capitalize "Kick"
"After I took that line of kick - Again.
After you took some kick - Third time.
Peter shouted after he snorted the line of kick - Fourth.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Wasi laughed "A little pain before pleasure Pretty boy. - Why is "pretty" capitalized?
"Relax and let the kick do its job" - Fifth.
Wasi reached for the board and then into his pocket and he remove a vial full of the red powder. - 'removed'
"HAHAHAHA! Some good sh** huh Pretty boy HAHAHAHAA!" - Again capitalizing "pretty". Also, I think there should be an interrogation point somewhere.
"Wasi is he going to be alright, - LO?
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OUT THERE!" - LO?
"WHAT DO I PAY YOU IDIOTS FOR GO SEE!? - I am not sure what this setence is supposed to say.
You were warned by my superior's Wasi to pay what you owe a day ago." - You need to put a " at the beginning of this setence.
"Does it even matter" Wasi replied - LO?
"Is there any other kind." - LO?
Went the sound of a Semi-Tractor Truck bursting through the front of warehouse - 'the' warehouse.
"HOLY F***!" Domino screamed as dove to the ground - as 'she'
"Damn that close, I got lucky" she whispered. - that 'was' close
There was an audible crack followed by a pained screamed but Colossus paid it no mind. - pained 'scream'
In front of him was Wasi's pacing back and forth but only this time he looked like a little blue smurf. - I don't see the reason for the "'s" next to "Wasi".
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ONE GUN!" - LO?
The kiss last for a second before Peter broke away and gave her a serious look. - 'lasted'
"…..keep going, what happened after that." - LO?
HAHA REALLY WASI! THIS IS THE BEST YOU COULD DO!" - LO?
The jeep made a wide u-turn and speed for the open entrance. - I think it should be 'sped', could be wrong.
"WHERE WE'RE YOU RASPUTIN!" - I think it should be just 'WERE' no apostrophe needed.
Wasi said because you're on kick you're open to suggestion and your inhibitions are….loosened." - Capitalize "Kick".
"What about your mission." - LO?
"I CAN"T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!" - This setence is fine... besides the fact you accidentally used " rather then '.
well what better way to show your love than to get a little body ink." - LO?
"Domino…speed this story up okay, - LO?
Peter and Domino simultaneously chugged the shot and let the liquor rolled down their throats - 'roll' down.
and into their stomach's. - 'stomachs'
"Boy you weren't joking about being uptight were you." - LO?
"BONZAII! - I think it should be an "a" where there is a "o"
"That's was cool" he said to himself. - 'That'
Peter landed in a crouch and the quickly rolled forward - and 'then'
The suddenly jerk caught the bodyguard off guard and he fell to the ground - I am not sure what this is supposed to be saying.
'This is getting us nowhere…there's two many. - 'too' many.
"You okay" came her muffled question - LO?
"WHAT!" Peter shouted. - LO?
"WHAT!" - LO?
This chapter was hilarious... I particularly loved Domino using the "That's what she said" joke on Peter.
Though... now I am wondering how the heck is Peter gonna get out of this one without extremely pissing off his superiors.
| InkyPinkyPonkey chapter 19 . 5/16
whats up with daisy.? is she alive and in confusion? or is she dead? please dont kill her. i actually love the fights she and jessica have and the interactions between peter and jessica. MIND BLOWING! kinda cute too.
P.S. this chapter sucked..LOL NO. JUST KIDDING! IT WAS AWESOME.
P.P.S get this goblins shit sorted out quickly. i cant wait.
P.P.P.S peter and jessica and daisy reuninon.
P.P.P.P.S how is yo-yo.?
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/7
I feel like a major flaw here was the fact that fury would never be stupid enough to choose a public place that he didn't have completely secured to have a meeting that could decide the fate of the world
| Cookie Montser chapter 6 . 4/27
Wonderful end to the arc. I love how the pieces came together. Great work!
| Cookie Montser chapter 1 . 4/27
Oh man. I just read the first chapter, and it was brilliant. It's great to see a story written by someone with considerable knowledge of the characters/world. I just wish I didn't have to study for my exams, or I'd be all over this story right now. Thanks!
| spirit117 chapter 19 . 4/6
Awesome chapter Nomad I really like this new version of Gwen Stacy. It was also interesting to see how Otto is a corrupt businessman.
Keep up the great work.
| Guest chapter 19 . 4/6
woah! update soon as a birthday present.
but tbh its not my birthday.
| Rider Paladin chapter 19 . 4/4
Stunner, Stunner, Stunner. Ah, good old Clone Saga. You always did yield such interesting characters and great potential that got pissed away because of greedy executives trying to milk a good thing to death. Judging by the Germanic accent you give Otto, you've based him on the 90s animated version, who was voiced similarly. Interesting touch, and makes sense, given this Spider-Man is a fair bit more international than the "friendly neighborhood web-slinger" he's known as in most canons. And bringing in Gwen Stacy as a foreign investigative journalist for The Daily Bugle? Nice touch, too. Will sparks fly between her and Peter like in most canons where she appears, or will they just be ships passing in the night?
| stuffsearcher2 chapter 19 . 4/4
Hey Nomad! Very good chapter, I'll admit, I didn't even think about Gwen's whereabouts in this world and it was quite the twist that she became JJ's reporter. It's quite amazing how you keep Peter in character in this universe, seeing as how you haven't turn him into a jackass or super-mega badass with a I don't care about anything kind of attitude. It keeps the story much more interesting since we are get to know how would the Peter we know and love deals with killing.
As always Nomad, keep writing and I promise I'll keep reading and hopefully reviewing.
P.S. I'm not sure who that woman was but she was quite Stunning ;)