|Reviews for The magic of a towel|
| Hawki chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
-“He then looked firmly at Susan and for a moment he was lost in her beautiful eyes.”
Gee, I wonder where this is going? ;)
-“He mentally shook himself. Where had THAT come from, he wondered to himself.”
Cut out the second “himself” (as per prior use of the pronoun in the previous sentence).
-“I am NOT leaving you to fight them on your own. What do you think I am, some kind of Slytherin?" she snapped.”
No, you’re a Hufflepuff. Not sure if that’s much help in this kind of situation, were I to play the house card…
-Technically “telling” rather than “showing” concerning Professor Sprout, but the characterization feels appropriate to her.
-"Really?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow in question and mentally wondered whether his Hufflepuff classmate was completely crazy.
I dunno, you should probably be used to crazy after Luna…
-“My mum gave it to me when I started Hogwarts because it was her lucky towel and she had it when she started Hogwarts."
Can cut out the second “Hogwarts” (proper noun repetition).
-Timeframe is a bit iffy towards the end – I got the sense at the start that the story happened a few hours after Voldemort’s death, but the later section establishes otherwise.
-Ending is…nice. Not “sweet,” I guess, but I’ve yammered on about how I feel about the HarryxGinny pairing before, so you don't need another lecture. And hey, to be fair, you do build the pairing up to the given point in time.
-All in all, good job. Stuff I mentioned above remains, but it has a ‘theme’ (I guess, I can only assume this meets the parameters of the challenge), is written well for the most part, and I’m all for using minor characters in stories, so brownie points for that.
| Wing-Gundamknight100 chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
she has learned well and also she and Harry kinda remind me of Arthur and Trisha from said movie and book
| HedwigBlack chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
Go after her Harry! This was cute and a pairing I hadn't considered before. The towel conversation is pretty hilarious and a bit weird but I've never read that book either. haha. But it was a nice story and I'm glad that she confessed her feelings for Harry. I still say he should have gone after her but he was never all that great with girls was he? ;)
| Sintho chapter 1 . 4/2/2012
Here, as promised, a review for you.
I stumbled across your story while looking for more of the Harry/Susan pairing.
The story itself was cute, even though you could've added more background information to it.
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy reference made it even better.
If you ever happen to write more of the Harry/Susan pairing, I'll make sure to check it out.
| Lord Mortensen chapter 1 . 1/3/2012
Excuse me if I commented, I just want to say I love the harry & Susan Pair, I think this couple is amazing ... about the towel luck, this reminds me that personage of Charlie Brown's cartoon that never left his blanket.
continues to write fanfic of this couple...good luck...bye
| Penny is wise chapter 1 . 12/11/2011
| only i would know chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
This is a pretty good story u should continue it.
| shunshinking chapter 1 . 8/1/2011
As Towelee always say's "Don't forget to bring a towel". those were the only words going through my mind when i read this.
| Schermionie chapter 1 . 7/30/2011
I didn't quite believe my eyes when I saw the summary and title, and so of course, I had to give this a read and see whether this was what I thought it was. Happily for me, it was. You know, I was thinking to myself the other day that Douglas Adams was absolutely right about towels. They just have so many uses, whether it be drying my hair, protecting against potentially attacking cats or attracting me to sweet little Harry/Susan fanfictions, and I'm thrilled to see others passing this message on. ) I always knew Susan was awesome... just not *this* awesome.
I really enjoyed reading your Susan, in fact: she was brave and practical (well, -ish) and I can imagine her and Harry getting along. In terms of believability, I'm generally a stickler for canon, so this seemed a little random; however, it worked as a light-hearted drabble. Certainly it put a smile on my face, so thank you for that!
First of all, you may or may not be aware of this, but the title is capitalised wrongly. It should be: 'The Magic of a Towel'.
'"You have to get out of here. Now. I'll hold them off while you get help." He told her; mentally praying that at least one teacher was in Hogsmeade with them.' - Two things. One, 'He told her...' should be in the same sentence as 'I'll hold them off...', and two, the semicolon is incorrect because semicolons are used only to connect two *complete* but related sentences (or, occasionally, to connect items in lists with too many commas so as to prevent confusion), and 'mentally praying...' is not a complete sentence.
So: '"You have to get out of here. Now. I'll hold them off while you get help," he told her, mentally praying that at least one teacher was in Hogsmeade with them.'
'"Besides, I'll be okay." She added with a smile. "I've got my towel with me."' - Same problem as above. 'She added' describes how she spoke, and is thus supposed to be in the same sentence as said speech, as in: '"Besides, I'll be okay," she added with a smile. "I've got my towel with me."'
'Harry gave her a quizzical look and Susan mouthed to him the word later.' - I would suggest you add quote marks around 'later'; it's fairly obvious what you mean, but that would make it completely clear. :)
'The two teenagers were soon rescued by several Hogwart's professors (Including a truly scary Professor Sprout.)' - 'Hogwart's' should be 'Hogwarts'', as obviously, they're professors of Hogwarts, not Hogwart. The part in brackets is also wrong - technically, because the brackets were started within a sentence, anything within them is still part of that sentence... meaning 'Including' should be 'including' and the full stop should be *outside* the brackets, ending the sentence they're a part of. Does that make sense?
This would mean: 'The two teenagers were soon rescued by several Hogwarts' professors (including a truly scary Professor Sprout).'
However, I would advise against using the brackets, because they imply that Professor Sprout's appearance is just a sidenote, a piece of information you casually let us know even though it wasn't particularly important - but then the next sentence has Pomona as the subject: it turns out she's important after all. Ergo, the brackets weren't the appropriate punctuation; I would suggest a comma instead, though this still seems a little odd in the context of the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps you could try something like this...?
'The two teenagers were soon rescued by several Hogwarts' professors, including a truly scary Professor Sprout. As the two of them were escorted back to Hogwarts, she gave them a long and angry lecture on not being stupid enough to directly challenge a group of Death Eaters...'
The passive voice, I think, doesn't sound quite so odd, because it includes all of the professors rather than just one. [After all, how can it be 'including' one minute, but just 'she' escorting them the next?] But anyway, all changes are up to you, of course. :)
'"What did you mean when you said that you'll be ok, you've got your towel?" Harry asked in a puzzled voice.' - 'ok' should be 'okay'. (Or if not 'OK', but you used 'okay' earlier on in the fic.)
'"Then why did you th-"?' - the question mark should be inside the quote marks.
'"The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams." Susan elaborated.' - the full stop after 'Adams' should be a comma.
'"Really?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow in question and mentally wondered whether his Hufflepuff classmate was completely crazy.' - 'wondered' should be 'wondering'.
'"Oh yes." Susan replied in a matter-of-fact tone.' - again, that full stop before 'Susan' needs to be a comma.
'"Especially as it's my lucky towel" Susan continued in a perfectly straight voice.' - missing comma after 'towel'.
'"Ron and Hermione are on a date." Harry replied.' - 'date.' should be 'date,'.
'"I don't think they meant to hurt you Harry." Susan told him reproachfully.' - the full stop after 'Harry' should be a comma. Also, when you address someone by a name or name-substitute (e.g. 'Professor' or 'Mum') then the 'name' is called a vocative and it is customary to separate it from the rest of the sentence with a comma or commas (or perhaps a dash or dashes), because it's pretty much always just extra information. Thinking of this in real terms, when you're talking to someone, you're usually giving them signs (eye contact, body language) that you are doing so, right? So if you use their name, it's not really necessary. So...
'"I don't think they meant to hurt you, Harry," Susan told him reproachfully.'
'"I know." Harry said with a rueful smile.' - there's a full stop that should be a comma in here.
'He turned to face Susan as they approached the Hufflepuff common room. "Why would you bring a towel to Hogsmeade anyway."' - firstly, why are they going to the common rooms now that the war is over? Did they come back to re-do the year or something? I just got a little confused about the time line I suppose... Secondly, 'Hogsmeade anyway' should be 'Hogsmeade, anyway?'
'"Well I was thinking of asking a boy out." She murmured and Harry felt an unexpected rush of jealousy that he didn't really understand.' - 'a boy out." She' should be 'a boy out," she'. Also, sort of like with the vocatives, 'Well' is often what's called an interjection and, unless the intention is to sound churlish or hurried, perhaps, when it's used like this it should be separated from the rest of the sentence by a comma or commas (a dash can also be suitable here too, on occasion). '"Well, I was thinking..."' Interjections are words that exclaim, protest or command; the most common are probably 'well', 'no', 'yes' and 'oh' ('"Oh yes." Susan replied in a matter-of-fact tone.' - could apply here).
'This was Susan Bones, the quiet little Hufflepuff who he had shared classes with for most of his Hogwarts career.' - 'who' should be 'whom'.
I'm sorry if I'm going over stuff you already know, just wanted to be thorough.
But anyway, nitpicks aside, I really did quite like this. Despite the battles, there was an air of the characters having settled, which was pleasant to read. Also, I loved Sprout's lecture. I can really imagine her saying something like that and it just made me grin.
Thanks again for that! And keep writing. ;D
| sydneysages chapter 1 . 7/21/2011
that made me laugh
i love how my mind was getting really, REALLY wrong when i read the title and summary... but, yeah, this was really itneresting.
Never read that book, but it seemed to fit XD
| Nice chapter 1 . 7/10/2011
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy really is an amazing book
| David Fishwick chapter 1 . 6/11/2011
Nice idea and I enjoyed reading your story. I liked how you wrote Susan's personality.
| The Breeze chapter 1 . 6/10/2011
Cute. Will there be more?
| Laura Scofield chapter 1 . 6/10/2011
Aw this was lovely! I always liked Susan in the books, even though she had a small role. I recall at one point considering her and Harry together, so this fic was a lovely "what if" situation :D The link to The Hitchhiker's Guide was brilliant, really unexpected!
| littlegirlgonemad chapter 1 . 6/9/2011
i dont usually like harry with anyone other than ginny, but this was utterly believable, amazing and sweet and plausible!