Reviews for The Uzumaki Gaki
trood chapter 3 . 11/1/2013
Good story so far. Hopefully you update it soon
Cantrona chapter 3 . 5/4/2012
I really like this fic so far.

The changes you made were realistic and can be the seed to something great.

I do think however that you shouldn't delve much into every charcater's thoughts if they weren't going to be a main character. Like when you wrote on how kiba, Shino and hinata thought of the team arrangement. For hinata it's understandable since you said it'd be a naruhina, but unless your planning on making this story be super long then I really don't see the point and how kiba and Shino would have a significant role. But it's your story and if you intend to do something with the characters that's your choice.

But I also know what its like to have to write lengthy chapters when you really don't have much content you want to give away so you shove stuff into it to give it length. But if you put too many irrelevant things in it it's sort of sucks.

Anyway, try your best to stay on topic because if not It gets sort of boring to be honest.

For the harem thing... If you're planning for this to be a super long story, then you can have Naruto date someone for a while then break up and then date someone else and so on. But I'm not really a fan of harems or three ways for that matter. So that's my opinion.

The thing I love the most about this story is that you're slowly and realistically (that's important) making Naruto stronger and smarter while still keeping his personality. I've read plenty of fics where Naruto becomes strong but he also becomes cold hearted... It can be interesting but it'd be nice to see one where he keeps his personality. I liked his encounter with Rock Lee and I really hope you get them to hang out and train more in the story. Also, that part where Sasuke starts looking to kindhearted ness instead of hatred to become strong is really smart! But since Orochimaru was able to kill Sarutobi I'm guessing that Itachi would also be able to, but Sasuke doesn't know that haha.

So yea,make him less of a prick while still staying somewhat in character.

I'm really looking forward to when you update!
Son Goshen chapter 3 . 10/27/2011
Great chapter! Write more when you can.
Shadow of the Light Hawk chapter 3 . 10/23/2011
I like the story so far... a bit upset that Kakashi didnt fall for the prank... wouldn't have phased him but it still would have been funny. My votes for the harem are: Hinata, Sakura, Samui, Temari, and Yugito
xbamsod chapter 3 . 10/23/2011
Its a pretty cool story so far. Its a nice change in the story while Team 7 are waiting for Kakashi too. Are you gonna have this story follow the canon where Kakashi doesn't teach Naruto anything or are you planning on changing that? Anyways, I vote for Fem Haku in the harem. I always love that pairing. Update Soon _
JoshRand1982 chapter 3 . 10/23/2011
If you are that curious about what happens in the Anime/Manga go to .com. That site has every episode and chapter on it. but be warned that the older chapters only go back as far. if you want to read the older chapters either look them up online or go to a book store.
Jthreepwood chapter 3 . 10/22/2011
I can't leave this alone. Burn the kunai out of his head? That's completely insane. The melting point of high carbon steel is around 2400 farenheit and the ignition point of human skin is only 430 f. Also consider that an internal body temp of 107.6 f can cause brain injury. The human brain is around 75% water and the boiling point of water (at sea level) is 212 f, so you can see how having a fireball in your head would be a bad idea. I really hope you don’t believe that if someone is impailed through or around a vital organ that you should remove it immediately. This can shock the system to such a degree as to cause death. Staunch the flow of blood and seek medical assistance.

I really hope you don’t think that your "peculiar nature of chakra" explaination covers this because in cannon Sasuke hides shuriken in fire balls and they don't magically dissapear or melt.

On another note you never stated that Naruto was stabbed in the head until the whole melt into the brain thing. It is confusing for the reader
Muroshi chapter 3 . 10/21/2011
oh Iruka just F'ed up saying that outloud
bgreenwivy chapter 3 . 10/20/2011
i was at work reading this and going That Bastard...and then i was like it will be okay..right and then I thought you cannot just leave me in suspense. I eagerly await the next portion.
the DragonBard chapter 3 . 10/20/2011
My votes for Hinata, Sakura, Fem!Haku, Ayame, and Samui.
KafeiDetour chapter 3 . 10/20/2011
I loved reading the story so far.
vizard chapter 3 . 10/20/2011
someone seriously needs to give naruto a reality check.
Son Goshen chapter 2 . 9/13/2011
Okay... but wait, is the entire Naruto plot going to be rewritten? He already met Lee and stuff like that... Oh well, I thought their battle was cool enough, and was pretty surprised at Sasuke's thoughts toward Naruto. So, write more soon.
Son Goshen chapter 1 . 9/13/2011
Okay... so this is intriguing enough, although I think you portrayed Iruka-sensei a bit too harsh. I'm off to read the second chapter.
EllsParaph chapter 2 . 8/1/2011
You know what i hate? when ppl go out of their way to rationalize with their readers. Do Not leave Author Notes in the story unless extremely necessary. sometimes i let small ones slide but this is tipping the scale.

allow readers to arrive to their own conclusions. don't pester them unless you feel like you really need to defend your thoughts.

You do not need to point out things like "childish logic." a reader should pick this out on his/her own. don't rely on End notes to explain anything to us. Learn to use the content of your story to point out important relevant details.

Why are you asking for people to vote for a harem or a pairing?

If you went to CU to ask for an actual critique then you should have more pride in your own choices. If you cared about the quality of each character you would not fall so low to consider public approval. Discover good pairings on your own and make it work.

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Moving on to a sentence issue.

Ex: "In the brief time that he'd flickered through the first few pages of, 'On the Origins of Jutsu,' when a librarian did not immediately realise his identity, he found he could barely make out what was going on."

Redo: Within the brief time the librarian didn't recognize his sunny hair and iconic cheek marks he had flicked through the few pages of 'On the Origins of Jutsu' and concluded that he barely understood what went on.

- I moved the moment you mentioned the librarian because the scene is understood better if i introduced the librarian earlier.

- I added imagery for better visual.

- I wrote out he'd so the sentence would be read better.

- The title of a book should either be italicized or underlined. Preferably italics cause italics always looks cooler on the net.

- realise corrected to realize.

- changed 'flickered' to 'flicked' because naruto was acting upon those pages. He didn't flicker. he flicked each page.

- changed 'in' to 'within' because this is a time period. within is a better word choice.

- I used 'went on' because my vocab still sucks.

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you should type out digits. It is visually more appealing on paper and it is more professional.

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Jiji? you mean old man?

Yosh is an exclamation like Alright! Lets do it! or I'm ready!

If you insist on using it i think there u should use more tact, but most english writers, even the skilled ones, have a terrible time incorporating japanese words. It is best if not done. I think getting used to english first is the best thing anyone could do before attempting to use another language.

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I'm not too happy with the way you make dialogue.

Think of it this way. in a regular (realistic) scenario you use fewer words than a professor would. You have the idea but it isn't good enough. Generally keep it short and potent. i have no idea what else i could say.

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there's some odd commas throughout the story.

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"Sasuke Uchia"

heh. do you see it?

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you said you liked where this story was going. now i will prove you wrong.

.

.

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nah i'm just playin. sorta.

i'm personally not that interested in this story. One reason i think this is because of the way you tell it.

You say Sasuke thinks this and that but i wouldn't believe it because there isn't enough context convincing me that Sasuke really thinks it. I am basing this ONLY on your work, Not kishi's.
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