|Reviews for The Magnificent Two|
| Data Seeker chapter 1 . 11/30/2015
Nice little story.
The quality is good in many areas, good narration, interaction, dialog, suspense, drama and depth. A few areas feel very simplistic. For example you will sometimes narrate a conversation instead of having an actual conversation between characters.
The basic story with Smellerbee and Long shot is good. Had a good adventure, a fight, and an aftermath.
The wholesome standards are high.
The language is clean.
Nothing is suggestively offensive.
No extreme violence or any other vile content.
I hope this review brightens your day. God bless
| SarcasticComment chapter 1 . 6/13/2015
This was so good. I love these two and I feel that they have so many options after Jet's death, I've thought about them getting revenge from Long Feng since we never really learn what happened to him beyond getting owned by Azula. But I think a peaceful life suits them best since they learned from Jet that revenge doesn't always get you good places. Your OCs were compelling given the shortness of the story each with unique traits and stories and your world building with the herd was really good and fits in with the atla world nicely. The fighting scenes where crisp and easy to follow, although i had trouble understanding the ravines and gullies without multiple rereads. I also like how Jet and the Freedom Fighters were important without being the only focus and enjoyed your choice for their real names. All in all a great job
| Finwee Lord of Long Winds chapter 1 . 9/9/2014
That was really good! There are not enough good stories about avatar out there.
| great gospel chapter 1 . 7/26/2012
I love seeing Longshot and Smellerbee getting to start over again after what happened to Jet. They were brilliantly in character, and the story definitely kept my attention all the way through. Great work.
| Lunatique chapter 1 . 5/20/2012
I love the Western feel of this piece. The opening paragraph sets out the atmosphere well, and the descriptions are vivid and specific enough for me to see how things are. Really like how the geography and environment set up this Western-like environment, it shows attention to detail. The motley cast of characters befit the mood of the story, and the two main characters' driving motivation was both believable and sympathetic.
In the end, though, I think what makes the story is the friends' failure to achieve that desire for revenge. I did kind of guess it wasn't Long Feng, since he never seemed to go for the full Dai Li getup with the stone gloves and such, and didn't seem the small-scale kind of criminal. So the reveal of the rustler's identity was kind of a wonderful moment in the way it subtly shifted the focus of the story from the coolness of the violence to the reason behind that violence - to protect what's worth protecting. This made it natural for the story to progress to Smellerbee and Longshot's decision to settle and heal for a while, and their squee-worthy shippy interaction.
If I were to find fault it would be that there's a bit much telling in the final showdown, with the explanation of Smellerbee's guerrilla experience and such. Since this is information already known to the readers, I think it would have been better to imply the same information in the way Smellerbee activated, rather than bog down the otherwise fast-paced battle scene with the information.
By the way, I liked the way Smells killed the Dai Li guy, too. Another great way to show how random and often pointless violence even when it's as cool as it gets, thus reinforcing the inevitability of the conclusion. I love how you have it both ways by both showing the futility of violence and making it really fun. :D You captured very well the bittersweet sense of humanity in a world that struggles to heal from the war. Good job!
| Lavanya Six chapter 1 . 10/18/2011
iUnder the cover of night, humanity's outcasts walked tall and proud./i
That's a killer line. Kudos.
I liked Longshot and Smellerbee in this fic. You conveyed a real sense of them having a long relationship with each other. And I laughed at realizing their enemy wore a black hat.
The ending felt right for the fic, and while I wasn't sure at first blush if there was enough build-up for their big decision, the campfire scene made me think about all their outcast partner in the context of Smellerbee's speech. The cowboys and girls had a Freedom Fighters feel to them, being survivors and homeless. I also liked the moral of it. It wasn't about revenge, but about the need to leave all that bad blood behind. It's not very Western-ish, but it's very AtLA.
| MetellaStella chapter 1 . 9/8/2011
Your usual excellence shines here, Loopy! *hugs*
Smellerbee and Longshot are not given a whole lot of attention, and I've never seen anything like this before (of course, that is, again, indicative of a lot of your work)
The short, ominous scene in the middle gave me chills.
And the scene-setting was breathtaking, even if the actual landscape probably wasn't! ;)
As an animal lover, if I had been advising you while you were writing this, I'd suggest interactions with the rabaroos themselves (they are merely kind of background noise as it is) their habits, mannerisms, and perhaps little funfacts like how they reproduce so quickly- a good reason they make a good farming animal. Also, camelhounds are *awesome!* I would have put detailed descriptions of them- their hardniess, their mobility- can they quickly drop to the ground in a crouch, like a dog? (If you've ever actually watched shepherding dogs, there's also a lot of description you could put into how they carry out their orders.) Are they carni/herbi/omnivorous?
But none of this is so much a critique as personal preference, I think. :P
(And that one line that Longshot 'communicated' to his steed came across as being funny-not serious- just so you know. I'm not sure what you were going for. The part about instincts was somehow a little over the top and unnecessary- "We need your help" seems so much more authoritative.)
"She stood up in the saddle of the skidding ostrich-horse, and *leaped.*"
I am reminded of Ty Lee's spectacular dismount from her mongoose dragon. *sighs reminiscently* good times, good times.
| NinjaofTheKeyboard chapter 1 . 6/21/2011
Interesting. I quite enjoyed reading it, just one thing. I think Longshot talks just a llllliiiiiiiiittle to much. But, that's just my thoughts.
-You've just been ninja-ed but the Ninja of the Hidden Keyboard!-
| almostinsane chapter 1 . 6/20/2011
Great story! This was a nice old western like my pappy used to read when he was my age. :P
Thanks for writing this. God bless!
| Kimberly T chapter 1 . 6/13/2011
Normally I'm not fond of Westerns, so I've generally avoided the few Western-themed Avatar AU's that have been written. However, because I've enjoyed most of your works and Avocadolove recommended it on her LJ, I decided to give this one a try. And I'm glad I did, because this was EXCELLENT.
Longshot is, as always, the more sensible of the two. It's Smellerbee who needs to let go of her obsession; of her near-blind loyalty to a man who doesn't need followers anymore, of the need for revenge that seemed to transfer from Jet to her when he died.
Behold the power of Longshot's gaze! :-) It does figure that he'd have a way with animals, who do most of their communicating nonverbally.
"Mumei never explained his history. One day, a trio of rabbaroos had escaped from their ranch; the next day, Mumei had arrived out of the wilderness, leading the animals back, never saying where he came from, where he was going to, or why he wore Fire Nation Army boots. He was good at getting the campfire going every night."
I know you're probably not going to do a sequel or spinoff of this, but if you do, I'd really REALLY love to know Mumei's story.