|Reviews for Rex et Regnum|
| Edhla chapter 24 . 12/16/2015
Two days late (ouch) BUT I'M HERE AND IT IS GLORIOUS. As always you know I am picking nits in the details because it's all I can do - this is well above publication quality. Thoughts in chronological order, not order of importance:
[someone else had] I'm not sure, but I'd leave this part of the sentence out and leave the implication of the warm chair to speak for itself (also, great and ewwwww detail.)
[spidering up] I love you. *Steals*
[overstuffed, burgundy velvet] [watery, malevolent] [quiet... sanguinary] [warm and serene] [patronizing, paternal] There's nothing strictly wrong with it in isolation, but I'm noticing a lot of adjectives and adverbs (possibly because I am on a mission to stop doing it in my writing ;)). For instances where you use two or more, I'd consider cutting one or both.
[teeth were wrong] This is brilliant and perfectly placed. You tell us something is "wrong", but leave the wrongness to the imagination for now. Reminds me a bit of Lovecraft and his non-Euclidean geometry :D
[What should I do] I immediately thought, "Give me a beating, sir?" Poor Annek. I mean, he's a twat, but he's a twat living in an oppressive dystopia, so...
But really, you do an excellent job here of putting up a major internal conflict for Annek. He's used to screwing up and smoothing it over by just being disarming and charming and boyish and feckish. He's not going to get away with it anymore. He's as terrified and confused as I am!
[Annek noted] You could leave this out. I'd also be tempted to leave out "someone's heels..." and let the trails speak for themselves. But it's a lovely character beat that he's genuinely worried about Meghan and how his screwup affects her (and I am too - I love Meghan.)
[I have more than one friend] Did you buy him or threatening him, Snow? Or both? That said, I believe he and Copperfell were probably genuinely buddies. Just as vile as one another.
[One that was strong] Ever the politician. He can't help himself.
[I am right for Panem] As someone who is still a little on the canon-blind side, I'm intrigued by how much of this Snow genuinely believes. Well done.
JESUS CHRIST I read that last bit with one eye open. "Meaty snap" EW EW EW EW EW. You are one of the few writers I've ever encountered, in fanfic or anywhere else, who can write tension like this without it being boring or falling over into gore. Love, love, love.
As for your main question: I am thinking about it ;) Will send you Big-Picture thoughts ASAP, but this, lady, is a brilliantly horrible chapter. xx
| Edhla chapter 23 . 4/11/2015
So I just got my computer back and this is the first thing I've run straight to doing :) Andpardonmy language, but the fact that I'm the first to review this is, ahem, fucking ridiculous, Kitten. Don't get me started on my new career as an advocate for talented and ignored writers, mmkay.
I love, LOVE the change in POV here, allowing you to seriously call Annek an 'incorrigible Dionysius'. Of course, in a way he sort of is, and you point that out with the line about doing body shots off multiple people. Oh, Annek. But we know he's so ickle and broken and... guh. Annek, you sod. My only issue here is probably due to partial canon blindness (read the first book, think ReR is better, damn you). I had no idea who the POV was from until halfway through the chapter when the name "Pomona" finally comes up.
[I melted for him] This is INTERESTING, my friend. Because at first it could be read as "hot for him", but it could also be melting in the way I melt for a cute puppy. And she doesn't really confirm or deny which she's talking about - I suspect both. And then there's that terribly ominous note about believing him. Gah. Never stop writing.
And you ping me again with the insight into how difficult an interviewer Annek must be, if he's resorting to boringness like "Amazing". Well done, Annek - at least you didn't disgrace yourself and Meghan is off your case :p
[Not overly so]. Possibly not the way you meant it, but I think it's both hilarious and sad that Meghan basically has to instruct Annek on who to seduce and who to just be nice to.
[before they're well again] This made me snigger, again, maybe reading too much into it - but Meghan's sort of implying it's better for the kids to be sick and therefore a publicity tool than for them to spoil things by getting well.
I like the brevity of your description of Annek's trashed room... further description would have slowed it down, but you give us the idea. I associate "sharp" with high, rather than deep, but we're probably just imagining a different inflection.
["I'm not in my shirt drawer"] I love your dialogue. Marry me.
[she cooed] Poor Annek - almost every woman he's ever met has been a vapid idiot, or pretends to be a vapid idiot. I can see why he appreciates the strong ones so much.
[He ventured] I suck at punctuation so I could be wrong, but should the "h" here be lower-case?
["Yeah, of course.] I somehow imagine Annek being all humblebraggy here. "Oh, women are so into me they turn stalkerish, doesn't that happen to everyone?" Fantastic and very canon little ping there about how he's got to suck up to the Capitol.
[formal side of presentable] Depending on the person, that's not a very helpful instruction, Meghan. There are people who think that means "wear a shirt" :p
[like a lion] I love that this implies "superior, predatory and possibly ready to leap across the desk" without having to explain it all out.
[rheumy] THIS NEEDS TO BE WRITTEN MORE IN FICTION. I dunno, it just disgusts me on a really internal level. I'd sooner deal with a whole lot of other gross things than dripping, rheumy eyes EUGH I just had lunch. Thanks!
You're not going to leave the chapter there, are you? :( As always, in awe xx
| Cheile chapter 15 . 8/31/2014
I love the imagery you are describing as Annek and Erica run for their lives through the melting, burning trees. Lines like "cracking drops of tree trunks" and "stunted, charred stubs of slag" really help my mind paint a mental image of the burning, blackened forest and two small figures running through it and ducking the acid and flames.
Yay, Doe's still alive! Too bad Erica's shot at Bella didn't go where she wanted it to go. I had to LOL at her just turning around and going at them with sword drawn, heedless of any potential dangers that might come next.
[I don't... I don't remember if she returned it.] – oh crap, that is not good. Yup, I was right—she's gonna try to kill him. But—WHAT. THE. HELL. HE DID NOT JUST—ALDKSLJFLSFK (this is Che trying not to swear a blue streak). :( and my heart breaks at what Doe's last words are. No wonder Annek feels so guilty.
I like the transition of everything being hazy after Doe's death—like Erica and Bella's bodies, not looking at Erica's face, cutting off Bella's long ponytail (ha—it's Annek's trophy now! :ahem:). It reminds me strongly of Katniss being hazy after being stung by the tracker jackers.
Double crap at him drinking all that drug and going numb...and now he's face to face with Ore and he can hardly move. Oh crap oh crap oh crap. I admit to cringing all the way through their tussle (not sure I can call it a fight when poor Annek can barely move). And Ore's arrogance, uggh. Reading off the scrolls—I like the element of people finding some way to send their suggestions to be dropped into the arena, while at the same time hating it. It IS a great way to show just how sick Panem's population is for getting so into the Games, though.
Even in his weakened state, I love how Annek is eventually able to get out into the water and use it (and the mermaid-mutt that has survived) to his advantage in order to kill Ore and come out the Victor. Here Ore was, all assuming he'd win because he's the all-mighty Career, but, in the end, his arrogance led to his downfall. Awesome.
[Meghan told me that the medics didn't want to erase all of them completely, because they gave me character.] – yea, sure, because it shouldn't be Annek who decides what his face looks like from now on. Jerks...
The last bit with President Snow crowning him is a great way to show how far Annek's numbness has gone into his psyche, especially the final line with the crowd cheering and him feeling absolutely nothing.
My only complaint with this chapter is the "-ReR-" markers blend in with the main text—I would bold and underline them so that they stand out and show the scene divisions better.
Excellent chapter! I assume this is the end of Annek's retelling and I'm eager to see what Julia thinks of all this.
| GeorgyannWayson chapter 1 . 8/31/2014
Hi again Kitten! I've read the Hunger Games books, but it has been awhile, so please excuse the gaps and fuzzy spots in my memory!
Right off the bat, you employ some very striking imagery with Annek's posture. I also think that his posture really alludes to some of his character traits. I might be reading too much into things here, but I kind of see him as this confident, rather arrogant character already. I really don't have evidence to support this yet, but...just the way you present him gives me this impression. ANYWAYS!
Love the description of the woman -or Glinter as I now see that she's named- in the bed. Not overdone, but definitely not underdone; gives off the air of a sort of perfection with her appearance that she carries. Especially love [...porcelain, sculpted back.] Beautiful stuff.
Must be a layout thing with FFN, but ["what time is it"] isn't exactly separated from the line before *if that makes sense*.
Aaaaaaand it turns out that I was right about Annek. Is he actually the prostitute here? That makes for a very interesting change with things. And oh, my gosh, he really stripped (ha) Glinter limb from limb for her gullibility. I'm not sure whether to be like 'your fault, you fell for it' or feel sorry for her, to be honest. But judging by the way that Annek plays with her emotions, I'm guessing it should be the latter.
Ew, President Snow *avoids* and ah, Cinna! I love Cinna! So this is pre-Cinna stylist; how cool! It was nice to see him, even though it was a short glimpse.
[There's a guest here by the name of...] I'll be honest: right around this part, I started to get confused as to who was talking. I thought that the next line of dialogue [Is this lasting love...] would belong to Snow, not Annek, but the new line break is deceiving. I think after a few reads, I'm finally straight with who's speaking (and all of this could also be because I'm a little tired, too; sorry about that).
Loved how President Snow 'oozed' off. Not only was it a fitting description, but it was rather funny :)
Oh, wow, is Annek ever the charmer...disgusting pig *nod* but despite all of this, the glimpse at the end of this chapter show that maybe, just maybe, he has a heart underneath all of those layers of playa. I'm left in a state of limbo here: feel sorry for Annek or not? Hmm, I'll have to investigate this further.
Great start, Kitten! See you later!
| Edhla chapter 22 . 8/29/2014
So I know I've already screamed "SQUEE" about your first two paragraphs; I guess you're after stronger concrit than that? :P Seriously, though, your soft erotica is absolutely sublime, and I don't know any writer on this site (and I've read a LOT) who can write intimacy without toppling over into smut. Because yes, he's dreaming about "moving in her", but the details of her darkness and warmness, and the cool sheets, and UGH I LOVE IT.
And then you had to go and bring it back to Undine. I'm still canon blind, but honestly, if you asked me to tell you the most memorable thing about ReR, I'd have to say it was the Undine sequence during Annek's games. Like, seriously, holy shit, I slept with the light on for two days and won't swim anywhere I can't see the bottom of ever again.
I love the expression "froggy with sleep." I was at first about to protest that the term "it" doesn't at first indicate that the voice belongs to a girl, a girl who is asleep beside him, but then I realised that (in the words of Jim): that was rather the point. Bloody Glinter :p Your contrast between Julia and Glinter just gets stronger and stronger, though I do feel for poor tacky Glinter here; to do her credit, she did ask him what was wrong instead of kvetching about being woken up, and her question about whether he was going to kick her out sounded truly vulnerable. (Though then you go and ruin it by commenting that she was more curious than concerned :p)
[not just from the Districts.] Missed out the second set of speech marks here :) I'm with Glinter. I'd sooner drink just about anything than straight whiskey. Ugh.
[Glinter was too small...] I love the way you draw the differences between the two women, and one of the triumphs of Julia's characterisation is, for me, how she's sturdy and strong and healthy and natural, without reeking of artificial, strong shampoo :D
[Be boring and she'll lose interest] I think Meghan is right on the money on this one :) I miss her in this chapter, even though it makes no sense for her to be present, so I'm glad she's there in spirit, at least for a moment :p
I LOVE the selection of idiotic questions the press ask Annek about Glinter :D I could completely be missing the point of the question, though: isn't the salacious question "does the carpet match the drapes/curtains"? (That is a ridiculously inappropriate question for the press to ask and I love it.)
Once again, I am taking notes of your amazing, succinct descriptions, Kitten. UGH SO JEALOUS. The "crackling projection of a crown" made me stop and read it three times because I loved it so much, and the girl from Seven.
[And two years dead] Ouch. A devastating, wonderful bomb of a line.
AAAAND MEGHAN IS BACK. Part of the reason I love her so much is she doesn't tolerate any of Annek's bullcrap and, unlike just about every other woman Annek has ever encountered, she's not a blithering mess of hormones around him. Poor Annek, he does need to be roped in and reminded to behave sometimes, even though I love him so. Puppy indeed.
Do I have to nag you for the next chapter? Because I TOTALLY WILL. XX
| Aiko Isari chapter 10 . 8/23/2014
And we're in the Games!
Someone died before it even started. At first I read a little too fast and swore that Colleen had dropped the ball to get a head start on people but it had just been an accident. And now she was dead. Oww. The voice though, "Otherwise you face disqualification." Is that what it's called when you activate the mines? the dystopia is just incredible. I love and despise it.
The whole first part until the island is very fast-paced and I can feel the fight-or-flight adrenaline just running through him. he can't stop or think, he just needs to get to safety no matter who shoots at him or how bad he's hurt. He could be dead either way, but he's got a better shot if he runs. That's really well done here. Of course he beats himself up for it later, but that's the kind of person he is shown to be in the present day.
odd thing I noted: Anne didn't get much that would be useful for outfighting someone, but for outlasting them. Arguably if he sat on the island and hid, he could survive the entire game... maybe. He has a lot of supplies good for enabling he last, especially if the bottle is reusable. It unconsciously fits with being a "coward" but also, survival.
The Games imitated a siren. That's just creepy.
Horrible thought that pretty much everyone is watching all of this, and they will laugh or cry at him hugging a coconut while they're somewhat safe at home.
Could he set the wrapping on fire? That'd be a better use for it.
The garrote is more useful for stealth, which again, survival, not out-and-out combat. Hmm... can he keep that?
Man that bloodbath... i'm going to guess most by the Careers. but I have to give Doe her credit, she's doing good so far. And that is not going to last. These are the Hunger Games, after all.
I'm not really enjoying this (The whole idea of it is pretty sickening.) but I'm enjoying your rendition of it a lot, if that makes sense. I hope it does. Catch you later!
| Jael.Rice.1 chapter 2 . 8/22/2014
Let's see how much the events from the night before is going to come back and bite Annek on the butt.
Glinter has some really nice characterization going on in the first part. I love how she comes off as being bitter and vindictive when recounting her meeting with Annek, especially when she refers to “his stupid face”. Her constant asides and the use of words such as “he's all 'I wanna get to know you'” and “like” and “I'd totally decorate mine like that” reminds me of how some teenage girls I know talk. She's got some serious first world/Captiol problems going on when she says, “Now I can't even see teak and chrome without thinking of his stupid face.” I detect a sense of immaturity in the first part, especially when she drops words such as “stupid” and is whining about how she has to call Daddy to send an Avox over to pick her up. You can really get a sense of how angry she is through her dialogue alone. She reminds me of a sort of pissed off, psycho ex-girlfriend. Especially at the part where she wants to sneak into his apartment to see him again.
The whole conversation between Glinter and Frill exemplifies average Capitol life. I really like the slice-of-life segment you present here. We never see what life is like in the Capitol, so it's pretty cool to see how the people there live. The dialogue flows naturally between Glinter and Frill, and they really do sound like two vapid young women who have only known what it's like to be privileged. And I like the little details that show how silly and extravagant and superficial Capitol life can get, such as the references to vomiting after gorging themselves, wanting to sit by the window so people can see them, the fancy nailpolish Frill wears, and the melon water Glinter has. It's the little details that really make the story for me and makes that world feel more alive.
I really like the concept of renting a Victor. Somehow, it feels odd because I am sure that some Victors, especially the ones who get pimped out, would not want to further that by renting themselves out to show up at a Capitol shinding or hang out with some teenage girls for an hour. But at the same time it works because it has some basis in the real world. It reminds me of how you can rent a celebrity to show up at your birthday part or club opening or whatever. I also like the implication that some Victors have wasted their money and agree to the whole rental thing to make some extra money. It again reminds me of celebrities who end up going bankrupt because they came into money too quickly and don't know how to manage it.
There seems to be a weird spacing issue in the first paragraph of Annek's part. The paragraphs are missing the line breaks that are present in the rest of the story. It's nothing major, just a little distracting.
The description of what is going on when Annek wakes up with a hangover was well-written and well-executed. You can feel for him when you read what he is going through. It rings true for anyone who has ever gone through that. A machine that dispenses medication is a cool concept that I would not be surprised to see exists in the Capitol. It's refusal to dispense both alcohol and a painkiller at the same time is a nice little detail. It makes you think that whoever designed it had in mind every scenario where someone would try to abuse its abilities and worked towards avoiding it.
The fact that Annek is ordering vodka so early in the morning, while having a hangover, and is willing to mix it with pain medications is very worrying. Speaking from experience, needing a drink in the morning after a night of binge drinking is the sign of addiction. No wonder Haymitch is so messed up. With that much easy access to alcohol to quell a personal trauma, you can be an alcoholic in no time!
[That he was bought and sold like so much meat...] Once again, a minor, world-building detail that offers up some horrifying implications for Annek and others like him.
Once again, well-written chapter. I especially love the world building that you have going on here, and I hope to encounter more of it as I continue reading. Keep up the good work!
| Madam'zelleG chapter 19 . 8/21/2014
"...and inventive ways" Purrrr! XD
"The facts they'd..." Bit nitpicky, but I had a little bit of trouble following the flow of this sentence, and I had to reread it a couple times. Just a thought. xx
Oooooh man. The way that you wrote Meghan's outburst there... absolutely terrifying in so many ways. I could just feel how angry she she was, and the way that Annek was initially nonchalant about the whole thing before things started to click in his head... man. It's really cool to see the way that you can portray that energy, but not just the energy: the transition from Annek's indifference to horror just WORKED really well here. I love seeing the way that your character portrayals evolve and you just handle so many gorgeous situations soo well... Squee!
But poor Annek... It's pretty typical that he wouldn't think about this being what it was, but he's not stupid. And he's certainly going to be paying for this mistake for a very long time. :(
And that kayak... as something of a boating afficianado myself, I was just drooling over that description. The start of the countdown there... absolutely gorgeous. I really love the way that it carried us through the entire chapter. It had a very suspenseful feeling, but also quite somber at the same time, thinking about what Anenk is going through... and what the countdown represents. I really can't help but wonder what's going to happen when they get off that train.
Oooh, Annek. Sooo many feels in this chapter, I swear. I love the detail in this chapter. It's something I always enjoy from you, and I feel like I'm always mentioning it, but it really is one of the things that stands out most when I read your work. It's absolutely fantastic, and it just sets the scene so perfectly for me. The necklace was one of my favorite bits, and it was really just the perfect way to end the chapter. I don't even know how to respond to that... We've come so far in this story, and to see all of this... jdslkafjdasl, I don't even.
Eagerly looking forward to the next chapter! Loving it, as usual!
| Cheile chapter 14 . 8/20/2014
I don't blame Annek for laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. I would too. He's got a point—it IS pretty stupid if he were to die for falling into a simple trap set by Erica after killing a mermaid-mutt and evading a giant spider. I like that you show by Erica's body language that she has yet to kill anyone; much better than her stating so out loud.
I really like that Annek is willing to show her how to safely get water from the strid rather than using it to get her out of the way, even though he does let that thought cross his mind. His way of getting water is quite creative—I would have tried (and likely failed) the opposite way (digging from the shore of the strid itself to make a detour channel for the water). And I like that he waits til she's occupied to suggest an alliance—means he has the advantage and he controls the situation in a way, which makes it more likely she will agree for the time being.
Surprised Erica is wary of Doe showing up. Has she looked at Doe lately? Doe is adorable, but between her inabilities and Annek's injuries, that wouldn't really be strength in numbers when Erica's so good with a bow and arrow, just saying :P
I see that the human shields from Five didn't last. Also surprised that Brick is dead—wonder what happened to him. But Doe didn't show up yet so YAY, she's still out there! And wow, they got treated with a feast—I wonder if they sent the others the same feast. Of course, it comes with a price—those notes suggesting each one kill the other. I know Annek wouldn't immediately just jump on the chance to kill Erica, but I like that he waffles back and forth on the idea—at the point he's reached, I'm not surprised that he does consider the idea.
Good for him for dumping those notes in the strid while she's sleeping. Though the Gamemakers get their revenge by turning the forest to acid (ew!) hours later. I hope they can get to safety!
| Cheile chapter 13 . 8/19/2014
Picking up right where we left off, it's Annek vs Diamond and my heart is going a mile a minute! Gah! More than once, I thought she would mortally wound him—even though she's coming close. And Annek's words have gotten to her big time as she hits him first for Moss...but somehow I don't think that she's gonna get her victory...especially since she's set the whole gross spiderweb menagerie a-vibrating...
...and I was right. OMG, IT'S SHELOB'S SIBLING. alkdsjkasdjlks (I loathe spiders—I'm like Ron Weasley when it comes to those things. and I'm glad I'm not eating while reading this). I'm glad he was able to get away but I do have to feel sorry for her cuz that's just got to be a horrific way to die, especially with her crying for help from her mother near the end. X.x Drives home the fact that these are all just kids—whether they're barely out of babyhood like Doe and Diamond or whether they're seventeen and strong.
Getting scared for Annek now—dazed and injured, walking into trees, almost walking into the strid(?!)...crap x.x And WHERE IS DOE oh please don't tell me she's dead :( but then would it be easier if she died offscreen and not in Annek's sight range? I don't even know, dude :/
That whole "I want to" paragraph just rips at the feels. I feel so awful for him because even when he gets to go home, it won't be the same because he'll have all the awful memories (like Diamond) haunting his every step. I do like that he does have a breakdown, though. I also like that mundane things like wanting to be able to brush his teeth are mentioned as well as the major things (being with family, and with Lina). It's in character, it's realistic and it needed to happen. Everyone has a breaking point and he's reached it.
Oh crap, he walked into someone's snare. And it's Erica's...or Erica is using it to her advantage, because she's now got an arrow aimed at his head. Crap crap crap crap.
...and then you stop there. (I hate you, lol)
Phenomenal chapter as always (though these cliffhangers have got to go :P LOL, kidding). Keep up the awesome work!
| Cheile chapter 12 . 8/18/2014
The first line is a great opener, given how he passed out, it would be a momentary "I'm still alive? ...wow." thought.
[She'd ran without trying for anything at the Cornucopia and straight into Caelan, the boy from Six a few hours from the start of the Games. They'd struck up a wary partnership.] – smart girl for not even trying to get any of the goodies, but sorry to hear that Caelan died so quickly. Also this brings up a huge question. Did you think up the idea of a strid? If you did, I really like that concept, though I'm unclear about how a river can turn on its side. If it is a real thing, I am wondering if the word is misspelled—I ask because I tried googling to learn more as it sounds fascinating and nothing is coming up :/ At any rate, whether it's real or your imagination, a unique, scary idea.
Doe and Annek's figuring out who's left and what they're up against is smart. I am glad to see that, even though Doe is fragile and doesn't have too much of a chance, she is doing what she can to keep surviving—making alliances, getting food, helping Annek.
A Feast already? Are the Gamemakers that bored? Can't even wait for a little infighting in the Careers' group? Wow. I thought half the point of the Games was to make a good "show". :mutters choice words:
Diamond sounds like a young Glimmer, all snotty and snapping. I wouldn't say Brick is very smart. He's just stating the obvious. Bella is the one who's overconfident, assumes she knows everything.
Poor Mala :/ He wasn't setting that trap for her and it killed her. And oh crap, they've seen him. And apparently Erica, who was—where? Reading through that scene three times, I'm not seeing where she appeared but I suppose in the confusion, Annek wouldn't have either XD Close call for him but glad he killed Moss quickly and didn't incite a chase.
OMG, I hope one of those cannons wasn't for Doe :/ and the description of that scene with all the cobwebs and the cluster of dead birds reminds me of the scenes in Lord of the Rings with Frodo, Sam and Shelob's lair :shudder: I do like the phrase "macabre windchime"—it's creepy while bringing to mind just the right image. :shuddershudder:
Oh God, Diamond, you pathetic little idiot. As much as Annek is being an ass to push your buttons (and it's driving him crazy to do it cuz he has a conscience), he's no doubt right—Moss was using you cuz he thought he'd win. He would have discarded you the second it was convenient. What a complete twitbrain. But Annek's last line. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I know he's doing it for dramatic effect, but damn—that's cold.
AND THEN YOU LEAVE IT HANGING THERE?! AAAAAAAAAAGH.
This just gets more and more exciting with each chapter. And I think I know how he's gonna get out of this one—the thing is, will I be able to stand reading it or will it give me nightmares? :shudder, makes face: But definitely a great chapter yet again!
[I shifted so I was leaning against wall] – missing "the"
| Cheile chapter 11 . 8/17/2014
OMG THAT MERMAID-MUTT-THING. I'm surprised Annek didn't have a frigging coronary at the sight of it. I would have!
[Lank curls of black hair plastered themselves to her back and face. High cheekbones, thick fans of dark lashes, wide, rosy mouth; she'd have pretty much every girl back home beat, if weren't for the rows and rows and rows of transparent needle teeth every time she opened her mouth.] – I love this description of it (her?) While knowing she's a Mutt, you're prepared to admire that they've created something with a beautiful shell, until she ruins the visage by opening her mouth. On that note, I would, if you're interested, change the word "lank" to something else. Lank tends to imply stringy hair, which doesn't fit the attractive picture. Since she's a water Mutt I would say something like "sleek". Just a thought :D
I was wondering how she could be right next to him and then you said she was dragging him to the shoreline. OMFG.
[I was six feet tall, and she, balanced on her arms, came up to my chin.] – the HELL. X.x
The fight with the horrid thing was written beautifully. I got genuinely scared for Annek (even tho I know better!) and I was thisclose to covering my eyes cuz I could so easily picture the whole thing with the morphing to fish form and Annek putting its eye out and then finally winning. Also liked the line about the wind in the palms and the distant waterfall sound—it gives you a real sense of how the injuries are affecting him. I got a giggle out of him addressing the unseen audience but I'm glad it got a Sponsor to send him medicine.
Very glad that the injuries haven't made him lose his wits, though his trying to swim back to shore after the Gamemakers make the island start sinking (assholes :P) sure is a torturous journey. And eww, way to ruin the lovely design of a lionfish by morphing it into THOSE things, you sick bastards. Yes, lionfish are deadly, but they are very pretty to look at...in their proper form :/
I am a bit surprised that, when Annek throws the little bait bits, that eating the flesh doesn't kill them...or are they immune to their own poison, so the only detraction to them is to fight over the bait?
[Things could not, literally could not, get any worse.] – I know he has a right to say that, but Annek, you NEVER. EVER. SAY. THAT. You're just tempting fate.
And sure enough, someone has shown up and he proceeds to pass out on them. Crapcrapcrap, I hope it's not Ore.
What a cliffhanger! Hope to tag again soon!
In the last chapter, you were capitalizing "Gamemakers" but in this chapter, you didn't. just thought I'd point that out to ya.
| Cheile chapter 10 . 8/17/2014
I like the description of Annek (I almost typed "Finnick" three times—WTF, brain?) viewing the Arena and his fellow Tributes. Very easy to imagine, and very like the movie. Though you throw in that immediate twist with Colleen—WTF! Those bombs can't tell the difference between an object being dropped and an actual human stepping off the platform? (Also I seem to remember Haymitch telling Katniss that if you step off the platform, IT would go off, not the ground of the Cornucopia would go off. Just...WTF anyway O_o That poor girl.)
I like that we see some of the initial slaughter up close and personal but not too, too much of it. It's fitting to the HG-verse but you don't go overboard and that is appreciated. Really love Annek's running away scene—again, it is easy to imagine the scenery as it changes and the distant boom of the cannons counting those who have already been killed. I also really like how you describe his taking in the differences in landscape he's not used to—most mountains are inland so this is totally new for him, sense-wise and you depict it nicely.
Uh-oh, that pretty lake has Sirens (or something) in it. Not surprised—they wouldn't just let him camp out on an island and stay safe from all the rest. Creepy, but again, you depict well how he has a few minutes of the siren song suckering him in before he remembers not to give in and get back to his goal.
[If I was going to die here, it would not be pantsless] – ROFL. I'd be leery of those coconuts, though. I don't trust that they wouldn't be some toxic variety, just cuz the Gamemakers are that sick. Interesting idea of there being gift boxes from the Gamemakers for each Tribute, since I thought that's what the general goodies scattered around were for. Also a good thing he grabbed Pell's—though I don't call what they gave Pell a day's food. :P Annek's gift is MUCH more useful—a tool and a weapon, and really you could say two weapons since the net could be used to trap an opponent before killing him.
And it doesn't look like anyone else died past the initial bloodbath. Good and bad, and two Districts out completely. And YAY, DOE'S STILL ALIVE.
But of course it's not over and I dread what the next day might bring, even though I know Annek survives it all. GREAT chapter :D
| Aiko Isari chapter 9 . 8/16/2014
The POV change was admittedly something to get used to but considering this was a flashback, it was a good idea to separate it from the present day.
Alyssa Twik reminds me of a character from a show I watched, all pink and bows and chirpily somewhat sadistic. The image of her smelling pink, or to be specific, things associated with pink, was very well done.
Official title is Tribute Wrangler- I shouldn't have laughed at that.
Odds be ever in your favor- Never has a saying that could be applied to the lottery have so much disturbing imagery along with it.
subdermal punch-below that layer of the skin I got, though I'm not sure I envisioned the punch right.
The showers sound ridiculous. Though, I'm with him, I would still try it anyway, just because it was there. I am a bit disturbed by things appearing and disappearing without control and the tranq. I feel weird about the Vicodin making me drowsy, that would drive me nuts.
Once again, appreciating Meghan's character. the blunt honesty is the cold water these people need in order to survive, not being pulled into the "Game" like that chick and the world wants them to.
There is no magic ending here- was this a potshot at the first book?
Of course the gamekeepers are bored. It's not like they're the ones fighting for their lives out there. They're just yawning like: oh, there's nothing interesting to see here. Goodness, I'd hate to see them when something is actually fun to do.
that whole Presentation bit struck me as the most vain and disturbing part of the whole idea. The tributes are either polished or abandoned depending on their likelihood of victory at this point, but these are human beings paraded around like dogs at a fair. You capture that feeling very well here.
It was in sync with my costume- That's both depressing and hilarious at the same time.
It seemed cowardly.-Something tells me that didn't actually matter when he got there.
Meghan, keep being a voice of reason. Forever. Even if you die, be the voice in Annek's head that keeps him from being a complete imbecile.
I'm really looking forward to how you might cover this Hunger Games, as this is not going to go as smoothly (and yes, to me, two people surviving the games is pretty smooth) as canon. In fact, the way you've set this up is to be brutal and gross and terrifying, if you cover it, and I can't wait. See you next time!
| Cheile chapter 9 . 8/10/2014
I have to say that the abrupt switch to first person POV from third person was very confusing and it took me a minute to get back into reading. May I suggest that an author's note be included at the top of the chapter so people recognize this is Annek relating the past? Just a thought.
Your description of Alyssa is just wonderful, as is Annek's reaction to her. And I hate her too—uggh, what a damn airhead. News flash, princess—all the Tributes have been breathing on you while you've been making your idiotic speech, so any filthy, disgusting District disease they're carrying are already looking for a way into your unprotected system. I hope you spend the entire Games hurling over a pink sink! /snarky reviewer
It is interesting that you describe his room as "small and efficient", compared with what we saw in the movies. I would have figured it would be a bit more elaborate. And OH MY GOD, I WANT THAT SHOWER.
Meghan's entrance is wonderful and I like that she is a bit blunt with Annek. She reminds me of a somewhat rougher version of Cinna. I also love her costume ideas for Annek and Doe and had to laugh at "half covered in starfish". Make me think again how Meghan is like Cinna with her creativity. I remember in the movie seeing the Tributes from Four wearing these weird pink and turquoise outfits and wondering how that was supposed to represent Fishing. Nice touch referring to how Twelve's tributes are usually dressed as two lumps of coal...bleh.
Love your description of Caesar's look of the year through Annek's eyes. Makes me kinda gag and shake my head all at once—would think he'd have chosen a more flattering color for himself, lol. (I'm weird—I kinda like Caesar, lol)
The end scene with Meghan was pretty good too—I like that she continues to be confident that Annek will be a winner, even to the point of smacking sense back into him so he isn't breaking down on his way into the Arena. DEFINITELY looking forward to continuing!
[looking like they burning alive, encased in glass] – missing the word "were" in this line.
Corrections I noticed:
You state that each Tribute has their own chariot but it is shown in canon that the Tributes share their chariot.
The scoring when the Tributes have to perform for the Gamemakers is 1-12, not 1-10.