Reviews for Sarah's Mistake
Joie Cullen chapter 17 . 5/10/2012
OK, I've been lurking here and I must say - I read the tragedy too - this story is great. This chapter though? What a way to end it! HOLY CRAP! LOL! DUN DUN DUN for sure!
jessikasmagik chapter 47 . 5/3/2012
wow that was amazing i swear i read that start to finish in around 24 hours. i am so glad i came across you thank you for the awesome story keep it up
Lady Hiroko chapter 47 . 4/22/2012
It's interesting, I'll give you that. A definitely different take on it than what you normally find. However, it feels rushed and weak. Everything seemed too easy. Too many deus ex machinas. Your character development needs some work too. No real character growth. Jareth went from pervert to cruel to nice in the span of 10-20 chapters and everyone seems so accepting of everything. Jareth being the one who changed the most. Your dialog seems to be lacking as well and there's hardly and description of anything. Most of it was dialog. Actually it reminds me of my first fanfic. All in all, you need to work on:

Character Development

Vocabulary Expansion (strengthening your words. "She narrowed her eyes at him" sounds stronger than "she squinted her eyes at him")

Description

Pacing

Less dues ex machinas

Grammar/spelling (Don't rely on Spell Check. There were words like "her" when you meant "here"-Common mistakes when you type fast like I do)
Rocky181 chapter 47 . 4/17/2012
Amazing story!
Lovejareth chapter 47 . 4/17/2012
You know what... This may be the best story I have ever read on And I just love it...

It felt like everything linked in completely and you must have done a lot of planning for this. Please if not a sequel just write an epilouge to this as I would like to see jocelyn and ruperts baby (I wouldn't even mind seeing Sarah and Jareth's) ... I just feel like the story seems a bit incomplete without one...

Anyway can't wait to read more of you're work

Love... Lovejareth
Kidnapkid chapter 21 . 4/15/2012
End chap 21;

The best defense is always a good offense.
Kidnapkid chapter 16 . 4/15/2012
Halfway thru CH 16;

Okay Sarah's got magic now right... In my mind I see her stomping like a teen.

"Its not FAIR! I'm going to get into SOooOooo much trouble because of this. What if I poit myself into a wall, or destroy the time space continuum?"

Also, love your story so far. "They say let your smile be you're umbrella-ella-ella. Well my Face is a giant letter T."
LuluCalliope chapter 11 . 4/15/2012
Jareth is not a trickster! He is a magician, there is a difference!

Although he doesn't play fair. I remember how he took several hours off of Sarah's time limit in the movie! (Although, for a while, I wondered if he was punishing Sarah for being smart with him, or if he was just too eager to see her...)

(Oh, and Happy 200th Review!)

-Lulu
LuluCalliope chapter 10 . 4/15/2012
Jareth and Jocelyn...Jocelyn and Jareth...Jareth and Sarah...Sarah and Jareth...

(I think that I like the ones with Sarah better than the one with Jocelyn. But I think it is nice to see a character that does have some redeeming qualities, even if she does pose a threat to Sarah in certain ways.)

Great work!
LuluCalliope chapter 47 . 4/14/2012
MORE TO COME?

Hurrah!
LuluCalliope chapter 18 . 4/14/2012
Ha, ha, ha! I could see through your tricks all along! I KNEW he was married!

(...No, I didn't...)

What a twist!
LuluCalliope chapter 13 . 4/14/2012
OH! You pulled the oldest trick in the book on me! "I love him...as a brother!"

Oh, I'm angry! I should have seen it coming!
LuluCalliope chapter 9 . 4/14/2012
The flowers only say to me that Jareth does feel regret for the way he has been treating Sarah...however, I cannot help but suspect that this Jocelyn is going to be...a rival later.

Great chapter!
LuluCalliope chapter 8 . 4/14/2012
What does he have in store for Sarah?

Oh, this is getting a little intense. This is going onto my favorite stories list!
LuluCalliope chapter 5 . 4/14/2012
I looked up the meaning of the purple hyacinths...and now I think that I can look upon Jareth with more sympathy...something which Sarah is, I believe, not capable of doing at the present...

Great work!
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