|Reviews for Flames of the Dragon Mage|
| Aroe001 chapter 27 . 12/31/2015
Excellent story. Truly I'm amazed this doesn't have more reviews. Your characters are unique and true individuals which is harder than it sounds, especially when writers have to use different sentence structure and syntax with different characters. So bravo and thank you for an excellent read.
| V-rcingetorix chapter 27 . 12/31/2015
Welcome back! Looking forward to the next chapter, whenever you're able to get it out; work and family comes first; this is a hobby that happens to help train the writing skills :)
So then, all six at once? Ambitious. I had to go back to Orzammar for that revenant when I did my first playthrough; a bit annoying.
The depiction of Revenants is very well done. Things dead, yet not dead, belonging to an ancient world ... very well put. The emphasis on cold alien thinking is a good touch; the only suggestion I have would be to describe the environmental effects a bit more. Frost on the ground, the stone groaning under the temperature differences ... that kind of thing.
Reunion of Fergus and Zelda, nice! For once, a meeting of family members that doesn't involve an argument about What His Mother Said About Our Gran or some such thing. Very welcome!
Honestly, there's not much I can see for improvement. SpaG is great (kudos!), the pacing is even, and you ended it on a good point.
There are two points I could suggest. First, could thoughts be placed as italics? It separates from the written/spoken sections a bit more easily in my mind.
Second, Will says: "May the Stone or whatever gods there may be guide our blades,"
Um, what self-respecting god would respond to such a vague help request? To my mind, if this is a pantheon theology, it would be similar to walking into a busy street and muttering 'help.' Yeah he might get someone's attention, but it's kinda lackadaisical. Now, if he'd referenced the Maker (ie a lot of Leliana influence), or the Stone more specifically, it might be a little more helpful ... but it seems as if his shotgun approach isn't very heartfelt.
On the other hand, it's a very small objection, and my last class might have made me a bit overly sensitive to the subject. Like a pretzel, my opinion is better when taken with a grain of salt.
Keep up the good work!
| a chapter 26 . 12/26/2015
Very good you should write more
| HonorLove chapter 26 . 10/3/2015
Okay, so normally I don't bother with unfinished stories that are over 150k words long: they're usually dragging and slow and I lose interest just after the 100k mark. I was sure that reading a re-write of a video game I've played numerous times would lose my interest even sooner than that.
Well, I'm thrilled to say that you've defied my every expectation! In fact, I'm looking forward to seeing where this whole thing goes. A large part of what I like is that, while I can pick out certain dialogue straight from the game (particularly early on in the story) and I can HEAR the characters speaking even when the dialogue is your own, you've gone and made choices that _couldn't be done in game_! I LOVE Zelda (even if her name drives me a little batty), and seeing as my personal canon Hero of Fereldan is a female Amell I like that she put in an appearance as well. And I am beyond happy that the Warden said "F You!" to the Assembly and ran off to the Deep Roads on his own! (I agree that it's obnoxious that you have two sucky choices on who to make king.) Admittedly, I'm not so happy Harrowmont wound up king, but it's a realistic choice especially with the groundwork he had laid to make it appear he was a supporter of the Wardens.
And I'm looking forward to Zelda and Fergus's reunion! That was one of those things that (when I was able to finally play all the way through as a Noble Human) drove me up the wall. I spent damn near the entire game wondering whether or not my (in-game) older brother had survived...only to nearly miss the tiny blurb right before the final battle that he was alive and well. ::sigh::
Anyway, thanks for sharing, and I hope you continue this eventually!
| Aroe001 chapter 26 . 9/2/2015
This is an outstanding story. I am actually quite surprised there aren't more reviews on it. Your characterization was spot on and the pot development was amazing, I hope to see more chapters in the future.
Thank you for an excellent story.
| N7HadroreX chapter 1 . 5/3/2015
You should really continue this. The best Dragon Age story I have ever had the pleasure of reading! :)
| The Phoenix King chapter 12 . 3/10/2015
This was a very intense chapter, with some of the best action we've seen thus far, well done! And that ending... Great job on a very gripping installment.
| The Phoenix King chapter 9 . 2/20/2015
Overall, this is a pretty good chapter. Definitely some good characterization and interaction between our heroes, and there's some decent action present as well. If there's one flaw, it's the paragraph structuring; sometimes it's a little unclear, as a character's perspective will be introduced, only to have their dialogue in the next paragraph. Still, this is some good work. Thanks for sharing!
| Guest chapter 22 . 11/19/2014
One mistake here. When a Circle mage goes through the Joining their phylactery becomes useless.
| Bluesnowman chapter 26 . 10/26/2014
Awesome story so far
| david9999 chapter 26 . 10/6/2014
Thanks so much for your next chapter. :)
It's well done like always lol.
That was very cool to see Caridin taking is place back as a paragon and then helping make more Golems.
Will sure didn't have an easy time, hope things ease up on him and the group soon.
Have a great week,
| V-rcingetorix chapter 26 . 10/6/2014
An excellent chapter, well worth the wait. Life has a habit of getting in the way of the fun stuff, no?
On to the review crits/pros.
Overall, excellent grammar, good logic. I believe there was one place where a word was missing, but I can't find it again, so we'll call it a figment of my imagination :)
Logic, yes. Good. Keeping the Anvil, with restrictions, is good. Caradin having a non-suicide option isn't quite as ... moving ... but frankly it felt a little forced in the game. Sort of like the ending of The Sword in the Stone (the book, not the Disney movie).
You refrained from highlighting the relationship Suruna has with Leliana in this chapter. That is both bad and good. On the one hand, you don't want to mash it in people's faces, chapter after chapter, but on the other hand, you might want to develop it more. Just a thought.
Until next time!
| V-rcingetorix chapter 25 . 5/31/2014
Good chapter! And good to see you back :)
| Guest chapter 25 . 3/18/2014
l I am a huge fan of your fanfiction and i ama soo happy to finally be cot up. You are an amazing writer and while i wont insult. U by telling u superficial encouragesment i know that any one with the dedicaon passion and intelligence to wright such an amazing story can and will make it throughthe roughvtimes of like as long as he remebers his fanbase is supporring
| V-rcingetorix chapter 25 . 3/11/2014
drat, but all right. Hope things go well for you. :)