|Reviews for Deconstruction Road|
| Doubleplusgoodduckspeaker chapter 1 . 6/22/2011
Well, it's obvious you can write, that's for sure :DDD
But one thing I think you have an acute case of is 'Wall of Words' syndrome. Each paragraph is /really/ long, and that is kind of disheartening for the reader. It makes us want to skim. I don't want to skim, because each sentence is really lovely and seems very purposeful, but I'm worried that we as readers won't pick up on something necessary because it's buried in the middle of a paragraph. Maybe a little more dialogue interspersed with the narrative will help?
But the story itself was grand, and written well, and I really liked it-stories that make me think are some of my favorites to read. And I loved Kaiba in this. Great job!
Thank you for writing this!
| My Misguided Fairytale chapter 1 . 6/20/2011
Ooh, this story was all kinds of confusing. It intrigued me, it made me think, it creeped me out (in the most fantastic way - the scene in the penultimate section, I've never read anything quite like it) - I guess that's a good way to put it: this is totally unlike anything I've read before. Your take on the Prideshipping is so different (although I wish you wouldn't have told us you hated it, it did color my reading of the piece a little), and I liked your writing style, it fit the idea and the story quite well. You have some excellent lines ("Being caught in a psychedelic monochrome discotheque of grey where black lines reverberated diagonally across the space" - this stuck out to me in particular, along with Kaiba's "If you intend to lose, that's fine by me"), although the one thing that really left me confused was your use of parenthesis and how your PoV seemed to shift between the characters even by paragraph. I don't know if that was intentional, but I think it might have affected the story for me since I couldn't really tell who exactly it was about and what exactly was happening (whose head were we really in the whole time? [not literally of course hahaha] When exactly is this taking place? etc), although I definitely enjoyed reading it, I love this genre and your approach to it. Keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more of your fics in the future! D
~Jess (My Misguided Fairytale)
| firstForward chapter 1 . 6/16/2011
Creepy, eerie...brilliant description. It took me a second read to pick up on details I'd missed the first time, and trying to imagine the grey landscape was something that actually caused me to slow down in my reading —normally I just breeze through stories, and yours actually had me pausing to consider the situation. It was fantastic, sincerely. Thank-you, it kept me quite entertained.