|Reviews for Unexpected|
| gazamidori chapter 14 . 2/7/2012
I loved this story,are u continuing it in another story or whar
| Read No Evil chapter 14 . 1/4/2012
Luck is officially a bastard. What a show-off, just because he wants attention -_-. Another nice chapter, although you have careless mistakes all over it. I'll watch out for the new story, but honestly, why did Valze turn evil anyway? Was he controled by the Balrog or something? And Luck is a retard for challenging the Black Mage...
*added to favs*
| KingofDits chapter 12 . 1/1/2012
Man this story is good and well written! Can you please hurry up with the next chapter? Pwease and thank you
-kingofdits09 Bellocan 138 Shadower
| Read No Evil chapter 3 . 12/22/2011
I wold say that yo reread your chapters before posting it. Found quite alot of grammar/punctuation mistakes. For example:
"I didn't reply to her thank you, and turned around and swung my dagger a few times, summoning my allies that helped my through my journey as a chief bandit to defeat the Kentarus' that were roaming around."
At the end, you used "thought" twice. 'Cheap' and 'Crap'.
"Whatever, just stay alive," I said, grabbing a light blue stone from my pack, and held it near my body, summoning a dark shadow that took form behind me, meanwhile Manon was turning around, and beginning to spew fire at the second person."
First off, this sentence is an extremely long run on. also, yo don't have to write "and", just "held it near my body." No need for and. "Summoning a dark shadow that took form behind me," this shold be the end of the sentence.
"Whatever, just stay alive," I said, grabbing a light blue stone from my pack. I held it near my body, summoning a dark shadow that took form behind me. Meanwhile, Manon was turning around, and began to spew fire at the second person."
| User No Longer Available chapter 11 . 12/13/2011
First off, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My mom passed away when I was younger, so I can understand how you feel. There's absolutely no reason for you to have to explain yourself to us for something like that. Take whatever time you need for yourself to get through this.
Anyway, onto the review: Still loving the story, and I'm curious about what will happen next. It looks like you're building up to something pretty big. And what was that thing Lillian fought at the end? Was it just a buffed up King Klang, or something else?
Looking forward to the next chapter!
PS: Lol, you most certainly do not suck and I'm only a decent writer at best. xD
| User No Longer Available chapter 10 . 10/24/2011
I've been meaning to review but only got to it now. Really liking the story so far and I have to say its written pretty well - especially compared to a lot of other stories in this section. I can understand the whole writing a chapter simply to move things along; its a hassle, but its necessary. Anyway, hope to see another update from you soon.
| gazamidori Casanova bera chapter 10 . 10/22/2011
Gives you whole jar o cookies cause ur fabric is amazing but no one will read its sad tear hugs book again
| Gazamidori chapter 9 . 10/20/2011
those noobs they wouldn't review but ill follow ur story because its THAT GOOD! just keep up the good work and update a little bit quicker so it stays on first page and youll get a lot of new reviews but still have my sympathy. ~gives book a big hug~ you'll be famous just you wait. high 5's author of the story since im a boy and that wouldnt be so good for me since i have a GF O.O well bb
| gazamidori chapter 9 . 10/17/2011
Good chapter. Ty for updating after 31 tomorrows f3. I liked the chapter although its was quite short. Well id love to give more constructive review but, ugh I'm going to school f3. So yea awesome. Bb and keep up with ur promises Gaza out
| review chapter 8 . 10/3/2011
Hey sorry I'm using a guest account, forgot my acc password. If you like the review just use gazamidori. Anyway I love the plot it explains alot but is boring either. Also you kept serious issues on a low. I've only seen one or two spelling errors here and there. Finally just wondering, when r ya gonna post because its been like 25 tommorows O.O also remember to lern ya spel. And always answer iz twis wite? D
| Guest chapter 8 . 9/22/2011
Sorry but I use windows phone 7 so I can't log in but I love the story, the suspense, the only thing us instead of it all like realistic with death should be that they can see there grave markers, only thing us they cant talkj
| Kingofdits chapter 6 . 8/31/2011
Nice story im loving it and i wish to learn more about this Dex and what happend to him i wonder if that balrog is after Lucks fro
Iends but great story makes me want to right one like this(probaly wont be this close) and are the characters in this ur friends on maple?
| The 21 blue dudes chapter 2 . 6/25/2011
Hi, blue here I'll review as I go along .Today I'll be reviewing a lot about characters please bear with me.
I speed read your chapter 3 author's note a word of caution ,a small cast of characters are easier to handle than a large need to develop and grow so juggling say over 10 characters is hard ,it's not bad mind you if you can juggle 10 and make each one unique without pushing aside some then go ahead ,but since this is your first story I'll advise about 3-5 characters is a good idea.
I realize one flaw ,if your character ;Luck is all powerful ,wealthy and has done so many zakum runs he's tired then what more is there for him to most book characters start as weak or poor .Take the most popular and old story of Cinderella she starts as a I'll treated maid or Tom who starts as a low grade historian (mortal engines by Philip Reeves ).Luck has everything ,please don't make this whole fan fiction about how amazing he is .
Oh and since Luck is the main you probably want to make him likable or at least have dry wit even if he isn't in mind ,the readers will be stuck with him for the next 24 chapters (I wish you all the best on writing a good long fiction)give him interesting insights on things ,anything to keep us interested.
I'm sure any grammar mistakes and such will be picked p by other reviewers ,no need for me to handle those .Well I'm sleepy, must really get going .
-blue has left the building -
| Complicated Days chapter 2 . 6/22/2011
This story is pretty intriguing actually, I like how the perspective is from a bossing Chief Bnadit. Maybe you should add slightly more details to make it more interesting? Its still good though.
Oh, and a slight mistake I found.
"I leapt towards it, and spin my body, slashing its body six times, and causing it to let out a single roar, and disappear in a black triangle in the air."
I think it should be "and spun my body". Try not to put too many "and" in a sentence too.
Thats about it! Good luck with your next few chapters!
| iamadeadperson chapter 1 . 6/17/2011
Haha, showed their ugly faces. :) Nice story, btw