|Reviews for Rapid Eye Movement|
| Critical Literature chapter 6 . 5/11/2013
I like the theme, or idea, that you trying to go with in this story.
However, the way you have written it is fairly poor, your language is somewhat childish and you need to tone down on the way your express their actions and constant switch of the moment. You have so many ideas swimming in your mind that you believe that it may need to be crammed I to a single chapter, hence making it seem quite rushed and fairly jumpy.
You have developed your characters to appear very OOC, this makes the story far more poor. Reid appears to act like a teenager who flips back and forth on his emotions/actions; and you have made Hotch seem fairly incompetent, making him seem slow and not intelligent enough to process Reid's emotions.
I do think the idea is different, but the way your have written it was...not to pleasing. I'm sorry but you may need a beta.
| Flakez chapter 12 . 12/11/2012
I just want to write that this story was awesome. I loved it from beginning to the end! You're an amazing author with a gift to express yourself. I was completly breathtaken and i hope you continue to write :3
| stealthxstar chapter 3 . 8/30/2012
I like your story because I like the pairing but oh my god Reid is COMPLETELY ooc. T_T you've turned him into a klutzy hothead who jumps at every little noise, its kinda getting annoying. Good writing otherwise.
| CallMeCrazyBabee chapter 12 . 7/15/2012
You should write a story about reid and hotch getting married !
| CallMeCrazyBabee chapter 4 . 7/15/2012
I love the chapters can theta be like a third sequel?
| CallMeCrazyBabee chapter 2 . 7/15/2012
What a player ehh?
| CallMeCrazyBabee chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
I'm starting to love uu
| Cookie Monster and Elmo chapter 12 . 5/31/2012
Okay are you going to do a sequel to this one maybe just a one shot of Aaron and Spencer telling Jack and Jessica? Cause that would be amazing. You were kinda mean to Spencer he was kidnaped then shot. wow and what happens to Aaron he got to shot someone and catch Spencer's kidnapper. Well thats kinda crappy for Spencer. But you are an amazing writer. And you really should have a sequel with them at least telling Jack the told the team granted they help and was being a family kinda but still does Jack know? There is what three weeks uncounted for what happened?
| Sebby-chan3000 chapter 12 . 3/9/2012
i know this sounds horible but gabrielle should have died
| SeverusDmitri18 chapter 12 . 2/8/2012
More please. :P More please. :P More please. :P More please. :P
| 14hpgirl19 chapter 12 . 1/20/2012
Yay, they finally got together! Great story! :) :) :)
| Raven Sky Costello chapter 12 . 10/22/2011
Okay, so from reading this and "Elementary Love" I'm going to say that you have the makings of a good writer, though you're still in the early stages.
I want you to take this as constructive criticism that's meant to make your writing better, rather than as a flame, as no ill intent is meant here.
You need to work on your characterisation, as for most of the time I was reading this I was thinking "This is the BAU, not High school" or "[character] wouldn't say/do that." From you bio, it's obvious that you draw a lot of influence from the anime and manga genres. This isn't necessarily a negative, as I enjoy those genres too, but when writing for something like Criminal Minds, having a different writing style would probably be best. For example, a lot of the anime/manga I've watched/read has an almost slapstick approach to dialogue and certain actions. Reid constantly smacking his head on his desk/screaming in fright/being startled is reminiscent of that.
Have you ever seen Reid smack his head on his desk? Heard him yell "WAAH!" when someone comes up too close to him? Has Hotch ever poked someone on the nose/cheek? In one of your A/N's, you ask if you characterisation is good enough. One simple way to answer this question is to think about the character you're trying to portray. Ask yourself:
-Do they act like this on the show?
-Do they speak like this?
-Is this something I would believe of them if I was to see it in the show?
Obviously, fanfiction is a different arena, and the whole reason we read/write it in the first place is to see situations we wouldn't otherwise. But the best way to make those situations seem as realistic (to the text, whatever that may be) as possible is to nail the characterisation on the head.
I do genuinely believe that, with your obvious love of writing and dedication to updating, you could be a great writer. That's not me saying that you're a bad writer, just me saying that you have it in you to be a much better one. My own foray into fanfiction seems embarrassing now, but I think about the constructive criticism and doses of reality that only a few reviewers seemed willing to give, and I'm immensely grateful. Trust me when I say that the best writing you will ever do is always five years in the future. The best writing J. K. Rowling will ever do hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of her creativity yet.
I did enjoy reading these stories, and would have stopped reading them if I didn't. Despite this, I think you need to think through plot points a little more thoroughly. It's great that you can write so freely, but there are moments when I felt that what was happening wasn't quite realistic enough for me. This was mainly a characterisation issue, though I really couldn't see the team trying to bully who Reid was in love with out of him in the way they did. Nor could I believe in Hotch's date with Gabrielle, with the whole team listening in. Reid is much too collected and private a person to act the way he acted here. Nor do I think he would stutter quite so much, and definitely not in his own head. No one ever stutters when they're thinking - it happens much too fast!
I had a couple of issues with your dialogue, but only that Reid actually said "sigh" a few times. The best way to do this is the way you did towards the end of your fic - having the character's sigh outside of their speech. I know the golden rule is Show, Not Tell but there are definitely exceptions to that, and sighing is one of those things. My only other problem was the date scene, where - instead of letting us know how the characters delivered their speech - you simple put "Character." It may get repetitive typing He said, She said, but at the end of the day words like "said" exist for a reason! If you're worried that you may be using said too often, don't be. I didn't find that at all. The best way to check this yourself, though, for future reference, is to read the conversation out loud to yourself. For each line of conversation, speak it exactly as you have said the character has. If they shout, you shout. If they whisper, you whisper, etcetera. This is actually a fun and awesome tool. One of the most entertaining afternoons of my life was one where a group of my friends and I each wrote a 500 word dialogue piece without using the word "said" anywhere, and then performed the pieces to each other. if you having writing buddies - try this. It's really awesome!
I really, really don't want you to think that this is a flame, as it most definitely is not. I'm just trying to give you the best feedback I know how. Whilst the "this was really great, :)" comments always made my day (and probably make yours, too), the best comments were those that pointed out flaws and ways to improve. I think that you could really benefit from a Beta reader who focuses on content, rather than spelling and/or grammar. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future (though I do admit, I'm only here for the HR, lol) and watching as you become the writer you could be! Sorry this is so long, lol. Feel free to PM me if you want to clarify anything.
| blue-eyed-cello-dork chapter 12 . 8/23/2011
nice story. i enjoyed reading it very much. if only i was as good as you about posting new chapters...lol that'd prolly happen when i start writing out my chapters...now if only i did that too...haha well keep on keeping on!
| ak-stinger chapter 12 . 8/15/2011
Yay for happy endings!
| x.keepingthemoon.x chapter 12 . 8/15/2011
thanks for a great story :)