Reviews for Brutal Harry
Faraday chapter 8 . 12/16/2012
Bravo. You spin an interesting story, but that's where my compliments end. As I was reading my way through this piece, I became more and more bothered by how unrealistic and out of character it is. It got to the point that I wondered if this was a self-insertion story, but disguised with Harry's name.

Allow me to explain.

When I was 11 years old, I began writing fanfiction. At that time, I identified a lot with the main character, and as the story I was writing progressed, I began piling more and more "abilities" onto her, often with shoddy or unclear reasons attached to them. As well, I was fond of writing scenes where all of her trials and tribulations and amazing (but utterly unrealistic) achievements were revealed to large crowds of people, who would croon over how wonderful she is.

Does that sound a bit familiar?

I realize that now, twelve years later, that I was projecting myself onto her, living vicariously through her in my story. This is the vibe I was getting from your Harry, what with his unbelievable achievements and terribly convenient plot points. This became more and more apparent as I read through the story, but I must stop here because I can no longer suspend my beliefs.

The extent to which Harry was abused - ok, good, it was very unpleasant to read the details, but hey, you were aiming for realism. I respect that. His hundreds of pounds of books that he bought on his first trip to Diagon Alley? Ok, fine, maybe he's just really enthusiastic. The fact that a 12 year old boy acquired access to a hot air balloon, multiple mechanical contraptions, and flashbang grenades, and then broke into a prison? I'm sorry, but that's just too much realism for me to handle.

You might say that I'm closed-minded, that you have clearly backed up all that he's capable of with the background you have given in the chapters beforehand. But all I have seen are convenient tales of "oh, Harry Potter learned advanced magic" and "Harry Potter learned swordfighting over one summer." I am sorry for being a broken record, but that all sounds incredibly unbelievable.

Sure, Harry can learn advanced magic by putting his mind to it, the way he did with the patronus in the third book, but JK Rowling made it plausible by detailing Harry's struggles. Everything came so easily to your Harry, and best of all, he had no flaws whatsoever. It's ok if he breaks into the Ravenclaw Tower and pins a girl to the floor with a knife - she was a bully. It's ok if he attacks another person with a knife - he was in a rage, and it was justified! He only ever gets slap on the wrist punishments for crimes that would get a normal student expelled. Do you see what I'm sort of hinting at? Your Harry is so perfect and powerful and can do no wrong that he is, essentially, the textbook definition of Gary Stu.

I apologize for leaving such a long, unfavourable review. I normally go by the "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" rule. However, after suffering through your smug author's notes, particularly the one in this chapter, I could not stay silent. To echo another reviewer, I want to reassure you that this story, and your writing in general, are nothing to be smug about.
To the TARDIS chapter 1 . 12/15/2012
*smirk* love it (:
stargatesg1fan1 chapter 13 . 12/9/2012
I found your story in a most interesting way. I checked out the profile of a person who flamed one of my stories (to see if he had written anything himself) and found this story towards the top of his favorites. It caught my eye so I started reading it. That was this morning and I haven't stopped all day. This was one of those stories that was so good I couldn't stop until I was done. I really enjoyed this tale. It was a surprisingly good fix of JK's quite unrealistic grasp of reality. There were a few things I didn't care for but they were very few in number and didn't take away too much from my enjoyment. I really enjoyed how powerful you made Harry. There were parts of this story that had me giggling in glee where Harry proved how bad-ass he could be. I also like that this story and its sequel seem to be moving towards a Harry/Hermione pairing. I will definitely be recommending this story to my friends and readers. Thanks for sharing.
Kate chapter 4 . 12/8/2012
I have a confession to make. I realize you do not need it, want it or particularly appreciate it, but as a self-professed Potterhead, this is something of a large step for me:
I do not like Joanne Kathleen Rowling.
It is not only Petunia she screwed over. She screwed over several others. The Slytherins for instance. Honestly!
If it isn't ambition that drives this world ahead, then shoot me, will ya? Good GOD, we VOTE for ambitious and cunning people into our Parliaments and Senates and Councils every damned year!
There's a good deal more to rant about too. But perhaps that shall find its place in another review.
Kate chapter 3 . 12/8/2012
Perhaps Spartan Harry would more adequately describe this version of the Boy-Who-Lived? 'Brutal' almost always conveys... well, brutality.
I do not find the 'lack of character interaction' as a great minus.
No, what i find truly worrisome is that Harry is becoming rather... Tom-like.
...My goodness, did you ever think that the name Tom could ever sound so ominous?
Kate chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
I must say... Impressive. And very, very refreshing.
It's been some time that I came across a story so... well, no offence meant to the general FanFic author community, but so 'coherent' would be an apt description, I think. This fic actually seems to be going somewhere. Mighty achievement, that.

And I do so love a Raven in Harry.
kitty-gurl1 chapter 13 . 12/6/2012
absolutely amazing story, one of the best i've read in a while! also, George Granger is now one of my all time favorite OCs XD
Chrisfragger chapter 13 . 12/5/2012
Your story kicked some serious ass. Thanks for writing it.
Chrisfragger chapter 5 . 12/5/2012
"Mister Potter," McGonagall paused for a moment, "Harry," She continued, "I see the way you move, I remember the knife you killed the troll with, and when thinking about your fight against Dumbledore, your wandless magic there was not accidental, it was deliberate, if crude. You are training yourself, training yourself, effectively, for war."

Awesome sir, Just awesome line of dialog there.
Chrisfragger chapter 3 . 12/5/2012
I LOVED your McGonagall rant. Fuckin' Priceless.
spazzygaz chapter 13 . 12/3/2012
Just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed your work on this, to the extent that I finished it in two days. I really appreciate the accuracy you've shown in Harry's damage.
I can see where you're coming from about Harry in canon. When I first read the books I was a kid and loved the story, it's only after I finished my psychology degree that I realised what a flawed development (or lack thereof) of character Harry had and I have been really impressed by this.
Thanks and I look forward to the sequel.
purelava chapter 13 . 12/1/2012
This story is unlike any story I have ever read. That being said, I love it and hate it for multiple reasons I will post below.
It was nice to see a 'realistic' take on the abuse and mistreatment Harry was subjected to by the Dursleys but I feel that you have forgotten that while his living conditions were bad and certainly not something any child should have to go through, it really wasn't enough to warrant the kind of effect you deem necessary. No child is alike and so no case of child abuse can be alike and putting them into categories is very ignorant of you.
Another thing that I found annoying about your story was your author notes. You explained why certain things happened in the story in them when those things either shouldn't have needed to be explained or should have been elaborated on in the story. You also criticize JK Rowling on her writing when you really don't have any room to. No author or story is perfect and while you may know that I feel like that is something you pushed off to the side.
Comparing Harry to Edward Cullen was also something I found completely ridiculous. The two couldn't be further apart in likeness and I'm seriously starting to wonder if there is any pleasing you as you seem to be a person with high standards that can simply not be met because they are unrealistic expectations.
Yes, your story was good and one of the few that I've read that I found to be intriguing and actually made me think but it also has many flaws in it.
CharmGirl24 chapter 13 . 11/30/2012
The first chapter was horrific my stomach became all queasy and churned just readign how inhumane Harry had been treated as a child. A child should never, ever have to face anything remotely similar to Harry's experiences, but the sad fact is this is the reality some kids have to face everyday and its heartbreaking and I always wondered why the heck nobody dealt with the Durselys and sort to help Harry through his emotional trauma and on top of that is Mrs, Figg so damn incompetent she cant figure out if a child is being ill-treated after all she had been assigned by Dumbles to watch over Harryand I can't believe the bloody man couldn't even take the time to check up on the saviour of the Wizarding World even once! Honestly Harry was a bit too normal considering all that he had been through he honestly never had a kind word directed at him or was shown any affection that should mess him badly. I really did enjoy this fic especially McGonagall taking charge and fighting for Harry and Hermione and her brilliance and Lily becoming corporal. I have a small peeve with Harry being as powerful as he is while you have given reasonable explanations behind his abilities it is mind boggling to think a child could accomplish such feats and I'm not saying it isnt possible, but it seems Harry is always an exception. Anyway I can't wait to read the sequel excellent work!
Sailor GaOn Donut chapter 13 . 11/30/2012
nice AND... your roommate disturbs me.
Paul Clatt chapter 13 . 11/29/2012
When I first started reading this story, I held it in high hopes, even going so far as to believe that I had found the story of my dreams. Of course, that wasn't the case, as I found out a few minutes into the book. While you have excellent vocabulary, you suck as a writer. I'm not saying that I'm any good, but you are all talk and no show.

Your story is drab, and I'm surprised that it even survived a second revision. When you write scenes that take place in a crowded area, you only focus on Harry and him alone. Jk one else. Have you forgotten that there are others in the room, looking at the same scene through a different perspective? Or are you so arrogant as to perceive that they are just there, as filler and are not important inter story? I don't know. But you have done a seriously bad job of such scenes.

One other thing I noticed was that while you tend to apply reality to magic, you don't exactly do it correctly. This last battle was a filler, much like the rest of the book. You have portrayed Harry as someone who can't love, yet you want him to save Hermione, which can only be attributed to love.

If Harry had understood that Hermione was disposable, that one life for the life of thousands was okay, then this story would really have made it on to my best Fanfiction list. But alas!

Also, you have made grammatical errors throughout the novel, the main one being that of a sentence formation. They don't make sense. I have to figure out what exactly you want to convey before I can proceed further.

I'm only reviewing because you claimed somewhere in your fic that you were better than other writers out there and I just want to assure you that you are not. You don't use commas as intended. Neither do you think out a sentence before writing it. When you claim that canon is bullshit, you should perhaps look at your own fic before proclaiming that. It is gull of silly mistakes and plotholes, though the holes aren't many.
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