|Reviews for A Flock of Two|
| Faolyn Frost chapter 2 . 6/5/2012
You said Melody is like a small child, but she seems to be acting like a normal fourteen-year-old, even if she's a bit temperamental.
| Faolyn Frost chapter 3 . 6/5/2012
This is a really good story but there are a few things you could fix.
First of all, the plot moves a bit fast. One way you could slow it down some is to add more imagery. Use not only sight but perhaps sound, feel, smell, and even taste. Also, include more of Fang's feelings. When his flock died, he didn't really sound that sad. He was like, "Oh well, they're dead. Too bad." Try not to make him just sad, but maybe more along the lines of anguished, tormented, or devastated. This will also help to elongate your chapters so they don't go by so quick. I know writing so many details can get boring sometimes, but it will really improve your writing quality!
Really, you can ignore this, but here's my little Grammar Nazi moment for the day:
When using dialogue, ONLY when the last sentence ends in a period, replace the period with a comma and make sure the first word outside of the quotation marks is lower-case if you are saying something like "'We like pie,' she said."
If you're starting with the "she said" part, do it like this: (with the commas and periods) "She looked happy and said, 'We like pie.'"
Other than that, you just have some very minor grammar errors such as "The store was about empty because since it was Sunday the shop was closing early."
It's technically not a grammar error, but it's just awkward to say/read. I'd recommend saying, "The store was about empty, because it was Sunday and the shop was closing early."
One other thing, (this is really just personal opinion) you don't usually wear leggings under jeans. I know they're torn, but still.
Anyway, I wrote a lot, but really there's not much to fix. Great story, and update really soon!
| MusicWhispersLyrics chapter 1 . 1/3/2012
Hope you update soon. Totally love the story! . PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON! Cant wait .
| SoldOutForChristForever chapter 1 . 6/22/2011
That was spectacular. You defianatly have to update again, and soon. The way you ake it to where it's just Fang on his own taking the challenge of taking care of a kid, even if she's no older than him, it seems as if it's going to go through a lot of interesting twists and turns.