|Reviews for So Close|
| thomasquwack chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Que Canas coming in the front foor with his wife, saying somthing about how he had to introduce her to Athos and learn his wisdom, yada yada...
| Raphiael chapter 1 . 6/30/2011
Ahhhhhh, I love you for this!
The framing of the tale through Niime's perspective is really great, and I love that you've kept the interaction between her and Hugh at the same unease you see in their supports, while also retaining that reluctant closeness. Your refusal to turn Canas and his wife into martyrs of some sort seems both appropriate to what happened and to Niime's own attitude. And somehow, the mundane way it all ended is so much more poignant than any overblown tale of snowy heroics could be.
I do agree with other reviewers that it falters a bit toward the middle, and there is a minor canon contradiction (Hugh is alive in FE7, if I remember correctly), but those little tidbits really don't detract too much from the story. This is great work, and you're being way too hard on yourself. Thank you again!
| tattedmariposa chapter 1 . 6/26/2011
I enjoyed this one too. :3 I will say that I agree with Ammie in that I think the beginning was stronger than the middle, and that it shines the most when Hugh and Niime are bantering rather than when Niime takes over with her story, because then Hugh gets lost a bit, I think. I agree to some extent about the show-not-tell thing too - though again, I feel like it kind of starts to slip around the same point that I mentioned above. Overall though, I too think it's awesome to see a more thought-out explanation for something that the game kind of glossed over, and I really liked your version of events for this particular bit of canon, as well as enjoying all of the little details you added into the mix. :D
| Mark of the Asphodel chapter 1 . 6/22/2011
Loved the beginning of this, and the portrayal of the relationship between Niime and Hugh. Sharp as a newly forged sword, indeed. Also liked the ending, with the mundane and unromantic death scene. The middle section did feel a little wobbly, and Hugh kind of seemed to disappear once Niime got rolling with her story, but all in all I quite liked it.
More old people!
| The Social Heretic chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
That was pretty neat. It was nice to see you put a story behind one of the FE endings that was completely half-assed.
| Sardonic Kender Smile chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
Okay, well, Hugh story. Still. I don't know very much about either Hugh or Niime since I haven't played FE6, so I don't know exactly how well they were characterized, but I do know that their characterization was strong. I loved their bantering and the dynamic of their relationship as a whole-sure, Niime's a jerk, but she's still gonna knit for her grandson goshdarnit, and he's still going to feel some odd grandson-ly obligation to visit her. It was sweet without being cute or fluffy.
I really like your style. I don't know how to say why, but I'll figure it out eventually! I think the sensory imagery did it for me, this time. All the little details, like Niime putting down the water to catch snowflakes, or how itchy her scarves were for Hugh.
You already said you didn't really edit this, and I don't blame you because I am ALWAYS too lazy to edit, but if I could offer any concrit it would be word choice-related. It's all very subtle and nitpicky, but there were a couple instances where I think you used something too modern in relation to the rest of your word choices and it clashed a little? Like in [they'd learned all kinds of new stuff about weather patterns], "stuff" sounds a bit odd. And when Hugh thinks of Niime as a "bitch," at the beginning...I'm sure she totally is, but maybe "hag" would have sounded smoother? OR SOMETHING. Just my opinion!
Either way, I really enjoyed this, even for something "rusty" (LIES). It was a very comfortable length and flowed well, IMO. Now I have to catch up on everything else!
| R Amythest chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
I feel like this story is really strong near the beginning. Probably would be better with a little rearranging here and there, but generally well-done. Roughly halfway through I feel like it got into a bit of an awkward pattern, where in Niime tells the story, Hugh is expository, and we learn so much more mechanical detail (one example of several, "she must have put the potatoes in the coals to warm them") than personal experience that the story comes off as somehow dishonest. Overall, I feel like there's certain details you as an author wanted to get out to us, and you took a fairly direct tell-not-show approach in doing so.
Anyway, I like the bantering dynamic between Niime and Hugh that's initially established, and I like the bit about Canas after the war. And I'm glad you decided to branch out and try something middling-sized. :3