|Reviews for Angst|
| of monsters and me chapter 2 . 7/6/2011
The prompt immediately made me think: Thalia. Of course, I did know there would be someone who would do it. Obviously . . .
You seem to capture Thalia and her opinions well, especially in first person. Her options were few, and you portrayed the one choice – the cowardly one – with a certain conviction and opinion that I haven’t quite seen before.
However, I don’t know why you italicized her opinions. It wasn’t technically in the past, and all you needed was a break to separate the opinions and thoughts from the speech with Nico. Oh, okay, it was a paper. Not a sort of diary, I hope?
“. . . my knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in tin foil. How depressing.” I loved that line. It displays Thalia’s sarcasm and cynical nature in a humorous way.
And I always use ‘what cha’” as “whatcha”, not that it makes any difference in any way whatsoever, because neither is correct.
When did Percy and Annabeth get there? And did Thalia spontaneously get time off?
And the grammar comments from before can be used in this one, too. Prompt three should be up tomorrow, by the way.
keep ritin foreva
| of monsters and me chapter 1 . 7/5/2011
In the first paragraph, I’m not exactly sure about the whole “Hate won.” Thing because, how did hate win exactly?
“’Annabeth?’ Chiron asked, ‘Where’s Percy?’” “Asked” does not need a comma next to it, but rather a period, because the first sentence was ended and not extended. Again with the “’Percy,’ I choked when I was finally alone in the Athena cabin, ‘Why? Why did you have to go . . .’”
Also, during the flashbacks, your verbs weren’t all in agreement. “I got no answer, so I slowly entered the room, clutching my dagger and looking around, worry evident in my eyes.” However, a better verb-agreeing sentence would be, “I got no answer, so I slowly entered the room, clutched my dagger and looked around, worry evident in my eyes.”
I think it’s “make-out” and not “make out”, but I’m not exactly sure. I can check . . .?
“Because we’re detached now, our love has been defeated.” Is “Because we’re detached now; our love has been defeated.” Again with: “Percy was always so much fun, a great boyfriend.”
I honestly doubt Annabeth would’ve watched Twilight or New Moon, but the humor in the “I hated that movie.” Was much appreciated.
“. . . as Blackjack whickered softly in worry.” I believe you meant “whimpered” and not “whickered”, as it does make more sense.
I also think that when falling and hitting a building, one would die. Or become seriously injured or maimed – however, if you take into the account the half-god DNA and ambrosia, which I’m sure you were, and then I can see it.
I do love that you portrayed a different side to Annabeth; the wallowing girl behind her rock-hard exterior, as opposed to that giggly girl that is a Mary Sue Annabeth. Thank you much. The ending did seem like the Twilight Saga, yes, but the humor (flashback) was a nice touch.
keep ritin foreva,
| Robert de spas chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
| Eleos chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
Great fic! I lived at the end: Not now sweetie, I'm still hpping for Percabeth. That will be my new motto. XD