|Reviews for Too Much Sun|
| my-secret-garden chapter 3 . 4/7
I am a bit sad that you did not finish this story, but at the same time I m very thankful you wrote it at all, because it was really wonderful. Thank you
| my-secret-garden chapter 2 . 4/7
Again a wonderful chapter. I somehow really fell like standing in the heat of the jungle. And I like how Jane, when comparing Tarzan to the people in London, says the were statues of glass, very well thought of you.
| my-secret-garden chapter 1 . 4/7
Well, if this is really your first story then I dont know what to say. It is by far superior to my first story. I know you say in the begining you dont want any praise, only constructiv critic, but all I can do is to say how awsom this first chaper was. All the characters are on spot, with a bit more realisam then in the animated movie. This is just great, I m going on to the next chapter
| Silvrechan chapter 3 . 2/14/2014
Adorable! It's a shame this hasn't been updated in a while...
| AlexaVolta chapter 3 . 11/25/2012
If this is your first fanfic then it is very well written. It is eloquent and well observed, and I could really imagine it as a 'novelisation' of the film, as you have done a great job of converting what was on screen into word-form, and filling in the blanks.
My only criticism really is that you do a lot of 'head hopping'. This means you constantly change the character who's point-of-view we're hearing the story from at any time. This can be very confusing and jarring for the reader. I know that this is a bit of a problem here as there are several characters in each scene, and you want to explain and portray the feelings and reactions of each of them. What I suggest you do is pick one character per chapter to be the 'thinker and observer' - For example Jane in chapter 1 (and you can get around the last bit by making it so she overhears the conversation between her father and Clayton, so it's still her point-of-view), then Professor Porter in Chapter 2, and then back to Jane in Chapter 3. Whoever is the POV character at the time can observe the actions and reactions of the other characters, and can speculate on their motivations and thoughts, but it will all be from one character's POV. See?
But as I said - it's otherwise beautifully written and was very enjoyable to read! Thank you for writing it!
| reluctantpartner chapter 3 . 10/5/2012
SO. He had a 'male problem' as my mother would say. I wonder how that occured, perhaps a female presence brought forth the dormaint feelings that all men feel once they reach a certain age. Seriously though, how did that happen? And how terribly embarrassing. /
| This Page Is Blank chapter 3 . 9/12/2011
This is so cute. I'm a sucker for these kinds of stories. Please continue!
| ThePenWieldingRose chapter 1 . 8/22/2011
I absolutely LOVE your story here! It shows thoughts and deepens Jane's emotions towards Tarzan (plus I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff ;)) Please keep up the fantastic work!
| Simple Tirade d'Aujourd'Hui chapter 3 . 8/16/2011
I love this Jane's reactions and thoughts are hilarious.
| 4uknoy chapter 3 . 8/14/2011
Exceptional writing, loving the story so far. Your portrayal of Jane is excellent! :D Her character really fits with the time and her thought processes are amusing. The descriptions are nicely vivid too; I could play out the familiar scenes in my mind while reading it.
Hope to see more from this.
| White Wolf chapter 1 . 6/27/2011
I really like this! It definately has potential :)