Reviews for The Day the Arms Closed
RamenKnight chapter 10 . 6/28/2012
Well thats particularly gruesome.
ShadowCub chapter 10 . 6/28/2012
Screw the citadel!

This is what they get for trusting any alien, they let the citadel dictate to them when they could have been finding their own colonies. I guess they see what the aliens think of them.

Apparently the humans aren't thinking right, who wants the citadel? Blow that bitch up.
Blessing of Xanatos chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
I'm just going to type things as I think of them so here we go.
Not normally a fan of so many OCs in a universe with so many characters, but its AU enough that I can ignore it. On that point, Anderson is dead, but where are Shepard and Hackett? You've got Mikhailovich here, but what about Admiral Kastanie Drescher, the one who liberated Shanxi in canon?
Back to Mikhailovich, why would he think it is a good idea to attack council space, organized, superpower governments, instead of ragtag disorganized merc, pirate and slaver gangs in the Terminus and Attican Traverse? If the Alliance is stretched so far that the idea of border security is considered a humorless joke, they should focus their efforts on the groups that are causing problems, not opening a new front against an enemy that outnumbers them by at least a 3:1 margin. Hitler pulled the same shit in WW2, and that didn't exactly end well for him if you will recall. If you really must send them against a superpower, why not the hegemony, which is where most of the demand for slaves comes from anyway. If you... eliminate demand, then there is no point in maintaining supply, as it were.
Next up is the plan to invade the citadel. A combined human, quarian and krogan assault might actually succeed in taking the place, but then what? The citadel defense fleet does not comprise the majority of the council races ships, probably less than ten percent. If you factor in the STG most likely having noticed the massive fleet movements of the Alliance and quarians, an ambush or series of ambushes will likely be prepared in advance.
Then there are over 13 million xenos living on that station, what are they supposed to do with them? Deport them? Kill them all? They would just take a cue from what the humans are already doing and start an insurrection, except now the 'rebels' have numbers on there side.
Wanting to kill the ambassador, really? The rationale behind that decision would go something like "They think we are nothing but barbarians, let's prove how serious we are by killing our own diplomat! Grr Rawr Shake fist rattle saber. LordsFire brought up the fallout issue, and I want to point out that if we have methods of scrubbing fallout now, we could probably accomplish it a century from now.
The human centric conflict. There are hints that it happened before, during and after first contact. The homeworld is devastated, the council looks on us with disdain for it, and we the readers don't know what the hell happened. It's a fairly big chunk of backstory that sets the tone, not really something that can be mentioned off-hand with no explanation.
I'll just go with this for now. In short, interesting premise, flawed execution.
Yoholic chapter 10 . 6/28/2012
The background needs to be seen so that its easier to see where it deviates from the common storyline, good grammar and all
NightStalker92 chapter 10 . 6/28/2012
The Batariabs really picked a bad time totry this sort of crap.

swemanD47 chapter 10 . 6/28/2012
now this is getting intresting. plz tell me you will update more often :)
Guest chapter 10 . 6/28/2012
Humanity sure ain't having an easy time of it in this one. Still, I kinda like it... We're durable bastards, so we'll get back at them, sooner or later.

...I wonder how long it'll take before the Alliance might resort to the nastier forms of warfare, like nuclear bombardment or biochemical weapons, because to me, it looks like they're very close to getting pushed into a corner, and you know what they say. Animals are the most dangerous when they are cornered.

And underneath our thin veneer of civilization, humanity is one nasty beast.
Mercsenary chapter 10 . 6/28/2012
Welp. I think thats just about declares war on the Systems Alliance.
BigWilly526 chapter 9 . 6/19/2012
awesome, I cant wait to see the alliance, quarians, and krogan kick some council ass
godofwaranddeath chapter 8 . 5/9/2012
This story has alot of potiential but there are several key points that need to be addressed.

1)you are making this pace way to fast. maybe you can have humanity move to another area where there hatred to the council grows and grows and motives humanity to build up itself for revenge

2)justing taking the citadel is stupid. governments always have plans in case of a top branch destroyed. If you want humanity to have revenge then it has to come slowly and build up.

3)the matter of allies. The krogan with the genopath removed would make excellent shock troopers/expandable soldiers. The quarians as a army is very limited. I suggest having them be research scientists to make weapons. you can make them get over the A.I. fear and build killer robots for humanity. the fear can be overturned by their history. mass effect protrays the quarians as justing letting everyone treat them like crap which no person would ever take that. there would be alot of underlying hatred by the quarians to everyone else.
edboy4926 chapter 9 . 5/3/2012
Good story.

Hope humanity wins.
mnbvcxdrtyuik chapter 1 . 4/30/2012
Keep up the good work! I'm interest to see where this is going from here.
LordsFire chapter 4 . 4/6/2012
As this chapter shows, despite the issues you have with larger world-building, you've got a pretty solid handle on writing characters.

Honestly, writing good characters is generally the harder part, I'm glad I decided to keep reading in spite of the issues I mentioned in my last review. Get a better handle on world building, and you'll be one of the better authors out there.
LordsFire chapter 3 . 4/6/2012
This story appears to be suffering *very* heavily from a lack of research.

One of the primary issues, is that unless a nation is, in essence, a totalitarian regime, you don't treat foreign diplomats, or your own personnel, like criminals. Specifically regarding the armed escorts, etc. Unless you're trying to portray the Council, and the Alliance as such, that *really* should not be an element of the story. If you want to retain a 'X person is disliked/has screwed up' air to things, it can much more appropriately be handled with things like other diplomats, or passing soldiers, giving disapproving glares.

Another, is the radiation issue. Modern nuclear weapons create either next to no fallout, or fallout that dissipates from lethal levels within hours or days, and is functionally gone within weeks. Even the bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima/Nagasaki didn't cause protracted radiation issues. The only possible way you'd have long-term fallout, is if people were *deliberatly* using dirty bombs, and even if that happened, a reliable radiation suit would protect people working in irradiated areas quite effectively.

Further, the way that socio-economics work, the only reason you would have more people than you can effectively protect with a military, is if you're simply so vastly outnumbered that you are functionally irrellevant (very, very hard to happen), you lack the base resources for your society to produce, or your society's production is crippled by corruption-caused ineffeciency. The latter is the most common issue for a nation that is struggling; if the Alliance has the base resources neccessary, its citizens are willing to work, and the powers that be are not crippling the nation through corruption, there is no reason for it not to be able to protect itself from pirates, unless the pirates outnumber humanity at large.

That last point though, most people won't realize, because they don't understand how nations, societies, culture, and economies *work*, so you can probably get away with leaving it be. If you want to write more plausible stories, I'd recommend you study it some though, so that at least future stories will have a more believable feel to them.
Demon Eyes Laharl chapter 9 . 4/6/2012
While the concept is sound, and I do like what I'm reading, I just want to point out that a backstory of the Alliance and Earth itself needs to be explored.

If what I gathered is correct, then the Council's decision was made because the Alliance did more than bloody the nose of the Turian Heirarchy, and had been less than 'environment friendly' towards their homeland. I believe adding details to that would help improve the story.

Also, a minor quibble. Keelah is not a god or some benevolent figure for the Quarians. They mostly revere their Ancestors. Keelah se'lai is a statement more of regarding their lost homeworld.

Other than that, I'm looking forward to updates.
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