Reviews for Mannequin |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Un nouveau chapitre c9ntn. |
![]() ![]() You may think the prologue (first chapter) sounds cool, but it just kind of overly dramatic. Same with the mystery paper in chapter one (the second chapter) |
![]() ![]() ![]() "Slow burn"; 5 years of this story and Gohan still hadn't even come close to the first point of your summary, the absolute easiest one even in the manga/anime, and then it was abandoned. Nice. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Adorei a esta fic! Creio que Gohan pagará um alto preço pelas mentiras não intencionadas dele. Gostaria de saber o final, parabéns pela história! |
![]() ![]() PLEASE don’t abandon this story please please please |
![]() ![]() ![]() I love this slow burn. from the romance to the angst, nothing's too overboard and it feels very natural. it's a nice take on things. please continue this one day! |
![]() ![]() Wow, 20 chapters in, and he is still having a crisis about telling Videl anything? |
![]() ![]() You need to work on your dialogue integration. The subject of the sentence next to the dialogue has to be the person speaking the dialogue. Ex "I am fine." Videl turned my head and saw Gohan. In this sentence, Videl has to be the person speaking the dialogue. You've made this mistake all over this chapter, and it makes the dialogue absolutely unreadable. For example: "Are you ok, Gohan?" I stood up. In this sentence, "I" is the subject right next to the dialogue, and it seems like "I" is the person speaking, but it actually is Videl. Do not ever do this. |
![]() ![]() Oh my god. What is this? Emo Gohan? Can't let anyone get close to me! I'm not here to make friends! It was all a game! What is this? Kylo Ren isn't this Cringy. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Pretty good story, until the more recent chapters I’d thought that while you have decent word choice, the characterization felt a bit off, but i feel like it’s really come along at this point so congrats:) |
![]() ![]() ![]() I. LOVE the first chapter! You kept repeating the same words and this really drives in the insanity of super Saiyan 2. If the rest of the story is ANYTHING like the first chapter, I’ll binge it like no tomorrow |
![]() ![]() you killed millions of aliens you monster |
![]() ![]() i love yr take on gohan so much |
![]() ![]() Great intro |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hmz. The amount of secrecy from Gohan is slightly annoying at this point. You'd think he'd at least trust his family with the truth... makes him a bit of a hypocrite when he calls Hercule a liar, imho. Perhaps he'll need an outside threat to finally come clean, like Buu. On the other hand, the whole Buu saga is kinda long as well, which would distract from the Gh/V story, so perhaps a more focussed approach would be better? Villains like Broly would be enough to pose a threat against Gohan, enough to force him to go super even when he'd be in front of Videl. The fallout of such a reveal would be kinda ugly, though... but that's the price he'll need to pay for lying for so long |