Reviews for Fox Games
HannahhBear chapter 1 . 12/31/2011
This was fantastic! Foxface is my favorite, and you've shown a side of her that I think no one has ever realized. Most people think of her as at least seventeen, but you've shown a different possibility. Splendid!
Max Phrost chapter 1 . 12/26/2011
Overall, this is a very solid piece of writing with a lot of potential. It isn’t the most original idea, but you have handled it rather well. The interaction is interesting -though perhaps not always in-character- and you’ve made it seem like Foxface could be just as important as anyone else in the series. The length is good, and the only problem I have with the pacing is that the first one hundred words or so feel somewhat rushed.

However, I can’t help but think this would have been far more impressive had it gone through another stage of editing. There are a number of errors regarding word placement that I’m sure you could have picked up after another read through. Most of these problems seem to stem from repetition, as demonstrated here:

“…all he really cares about is winning. When it comes down to it, he won't care which one of them lives.”

And here:

“But she can't shoot him, not without getting down.

She might be able to, if she got down.”

I’m aware that this complaint may seem nitpicky, but enough awkward wording and the story starts to feel disjointed and becomes hard to understand.

As for out-of-character behavior, I have trouble believing some of the things Katniss does or says. Though the point may be moot because I haven’t read the series in a while, I don’t think Katniss would have been very eager to join up with Foxface after losing both of her former partners. I also doubt Katniss would have openly called the girl Foxface, and that the girl actually would have answered to that name.

Much of the dialogue can read rather strangely as well, though the general discomfort of the writing does make it feel more realistic. The final scene of the story is done very well, so bravo for that.

In closing, this would have been an excellent story had it had another read through. I enjoyed this fanfic, and I hope I haven’t offended you in any way with this review. Happy holidays. :)
ShabuShamu chapter 1 . 12/19/2011
When I read your review of the Hunger Games, I was a tad scared of you, because you were so critical and it seemed like you knew everything and- well, yeah.

And so I got curious about your other works, to see if you could actually practice what you preach- and I clicked on this one.

I love this fanfiction. I'm not that good of a judge on stories, but I really liked how you could display the action without any specific close-up sequences, the conveying of emotions, the derailing body conditions, and how Foxface throws back a lot of Katniss's fallacies (ex: Katniss: I have a name, Foxface: I do too).

You really humanized Foxface. There was no signs of characterization marching on (well, for fanfiction at least)- instead, the character was believably IC.

But I'm really confused about this one thing: in the book, it said that two people from the SAME DISTRICT could survive- not (okay, not sure how to phrase this, but here I go) any of the last two people remaining.

But, considering how well-researched you are, you probably switched it around for the sake of the story. Or my memory's just playing tricks on me.

But, either ways, this fanfiction was awesome.
BonesxBreak chapter 1 . 11/19/2011
Whoops, pressed enter before I was done. P

Presenting readers with a minor, cannon-fodder character that the book itself provided barely any substantial information on, in a way that feels distinctly "in-character," is impressive in and of itself; now, taking that 'minor' character, and presenting her in a way that actually appeals to pathos and feels real and relatable is so much more amazing than that, though. We never even knew Fox-face's actual name, but after reading this one-shot I feel attached to her to the point that I wouldn't mind reading what would've happened next as she goes through the events of the books in place of Peeta (a 'major' character I was never interested in even for a moment). Perhaps I'm a little biased, but I honestly think I would have preferred this to what happened in the book. It would have taken a lot more creativity to end the first installment this way, instead of "love interest survives, with some difficulty, and everything is okay for now."

Anyway. Your writing style and attention to detail definitely does the original book justice. Peeta was just as useless and irrelevant, the action was just as dramatic, the tension felt just as (if not more) tangible, and the imagery felt even darker and more painfully vivid. Your characterization of Katnis is so much more accurate than what most writers seem to go for. She is cold and calculating, a hunter, a warrior, and a survivor, first and foremost. She can be kind and considerate, but only if doing so doesn't threaten her survival; this is exemplified when Katnis tries unnecessarily hard to keep Fox Face alive, up until the second announcement is made. For reasons I'll never understand, most people seem to be fixated on the whole "starcrossed lover" or "vulnerable teenage girl" aspects of her personality, as minor as those aspects are.

My only criticism is that forgoing any direct action from Thresh or Clove at the final battle seemed to be a missed opportunity of sorts. Since you followed the actual progression of the original story so closely until then, it felt like there was something missing between them waiting for Cato and them spotting him charging towards them from the forest.
BonesxBreak chapter 1 . 11/19/2011
Honestly, I was only planning to give this a cursory glance at best, review it, and get on with sending you a beta-request... Turns out this one-shot is better than literally every Hunger Games fic that I've given a chance so far. That isn't saying much, considering that most of what's posted on this site is laughably awful...
2olluxampora chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
awesome! you should make a sequel! maybe katniss and foxface can become friends
Lori chapter 1 . 6/28/2011
I like this one. If I were you, as an author, I would want constructive criticism. But I'm not sure if you do. So my next paragraph will be stuff I like, the following one will be what I...didn't like as much.

Well, first of all, the idea was amazing. While scrolling through the Hunger Games's fanfics, this one caught my eye because of what you said in the description. You also integrate the details of the actual book in really well. I also love the part where Katniss is all like "Foxface is SO clever! OH GOD NO THAT'S NOT THE PLAN!" And I also love how you were had Foxface call Katniss Firegirl. That's exactly like what I would imagine her do, and yet I probably wouldn't have thought of it. It fits her character perfectly.

Now for the more unpleasant part. Well, there are the obvious convention mistakes, but most everyone has those. You also completely ignored the feelings that Katniss was beginning to develop for Peeta, and made her a coldhearted human, only thinking of Peeta warmly at the beginning (a bit) and at the point where you talk about him being more human- which isn't really that warm, anyway.
Penelope Wendy Bing chapter 1 . 6/23/2011
This was really good. I loved the premise for this; it was a very creative idea. It was pretty well executed, too, although there were one or two errors. Also, it felt detached for some reason. Maybe that was intentional, but it wasn't to my taste. Also, I would have liked to know if the berries thing worked for Katniss and Foxface like it did in canon, but I understand your decision to end it there.

-P.W. Bing
starlingnight chapter 1 . 6/23/2011
Like I said, I really like this!

It was really interesting seeing Foxface getting to speak and therefore be more human, yet still have those animal traits Katniss keeps associating with her - she eats like an animal (or is that just Katniss' perception?) and she doesn't get the plan at the end, because she's got the animal trait of cunning, not the human trait of planning. I really liked how it worked within the canon and still made a point.

Ha, Katniss has a bow and Cato knows it. Also, I far preferred the way you wrote the werewolf mutt scene thing here to the books. Actually, the whole damn thing is written better than the books.

Love how Foxface has her own nickname for Katniss, and the fact that we got an explanation as to WHY exactly she couldn't mercy-kill Cato.

Hope I'm not misinterpreting anything! Faved this.
Narcissa-Weasly chapter 1 . 6/23/2011
This was a really intresting twist in the games. I really love it. Was it an oneshoot, or does it come more?
Ozuma thy Awesome chapter 1 . 6/22/2011
I like it. It was AWESOME. I hate that Peeta died, but still i like how Foxface acted. Keep on writing!

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