Reviews for Harry Potter and the Restored Legacy
kentucky fan chapter 33 . 9/23/2014
Brian64 chapter 2 . 9/20/2014
I'm not sure whether it's worth adding this review to a completed story, but... here goes anyway.

I found this in a c2 list I was browsing and thought I'd try it out. I won't lie, the first chapter was a real struggle to read for a few reasons, though I'll only comment on a couple.

1. If this was a crackfic story, then I could understand trying to shoehorn every possible reference to any anime or pop culture reference you could think of... but since it isn't, it just distracts from your story.

2. Fleur's accented speech. Have you ever heard a native French speaker talking English? My guess is 'probably not'. Why didn't you just copy JKR's usage for Fleur?

Unfortunately I had to stop reading after starting the second chapter and read not one, but TWO instances of you talking directly to the reader. You should *never* break the fourth wall unless your intention is to tell the entire story as a narrative with a 'Dear reader, let me tell you about the time..." type approach. "blah blah, you all know the story so..." isn't good story telling. Anything that takes the reader out of the world you're building (whether due to bad accents or using names from other fics) can cause them to lose focus on what's going on in your fic.

I suppose the reason for reviewing is not so much to complain, but in the hope that such reviews might encourage you to revise and repair your story.
Hagi's Replacement chapter 1 . 9/18/2014
Already even in the first chapter I'm loving the story. References galore, Hellsing, Eragon, and one that I assume was Percy Jackson and the Olympians along with Naruto.
willam and jack and jake chapter 7 . 9/17/2014
cool fanfic
willam and jack and jake chapter 6 . 9/17/2014
nice very well done
willam and jack and jake chapter 5 . 9/17/2014
willam and jack and jake chapter 4 . 9/17/2014
very nice
willam and jack and jake chapter 3 . 9/17/2014
very cool
willam and jack and jake chapter 2 . 9/17/2014
willam and jack and jake chapter 1 . 9/17/2014
ivonniva chapter 33 . 9/8/2014
Where are the Bones family?
ThunderClaw03 chapter 12 . 8/29/2014
Harry's getting luck
wesker101 chapter 33 . 8/28/2014
jaime bien ta fic.
red-jacobson chapter 33 . 7/5/2014
I've spent my free time over the last couple of days slogging through this story, and, while you have a basically good idea, and a decent collection of girls, this was still almost painful to read. I hope you have improved as a writer in the last 3 years, or at least gotten a beta reader, because there were so many typos and wrong word usages that it was ridiculous.

And there were these big events that really came out of nowhere, and had no real effect on anything in the story. For example, the 'villain' of the story is revealed in a paragraph because Kreacher popped up and spouted off his mouth? Where was the buildup? It was just so unbelievable that I just shook my head.

The whole thing with Ron was also completely out of character for him. Granted, I'm not a fan of the character personally, but you turn him against Harry, and don't actually have him do anything. And then, when Umbridge is gone, you kill him off like a random Red Shirt on Star Trek.

And I'm not going to even get into that Tonto mess, I guess it was supposed to be funny, but left me irritated.

I know this is a very harsh review, but, as I mentioned at the beginning you had a basically good idea, but the execution was sorely lacking. I'd recommend you do some reading on building story structure and plotting, I'm not going to plug the books I've read, but they have helped me in putting together stories that flow much more naturally.

daithi4377 chapter 8 . 6/29/2014
He made be house of two houses but since the educational decree says he has to get the toads okay that probably isn't about to happen soon. Though why a school has a say in your marriage I'm not su
821 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 7 14 .. Last Next »