Reviews for Unheard Pleas
kitty13492 chapter 2 . 10/27/2011
i like the story so far and i hope you can continue
Risukasa chapter 2 . 8/10/2011
The story seems more like a random bunch of thoughts that some guy blurted out to a paper than a story. It's not really hard to follow, but I don't see the story (yet) in this. There's no ending (yet) either. I'm not sure whether this story is ongoing or not, but still.

The chapters are rather short and they end into a big, large concrete wall. The shortness itself isn't a problem, though it is annoying if the story is long. When you have to change chapters all the time. For future reference. (Or if you have already done long stories, I'm sorry)

The writing is good for that kind of writing (If you have thought some other style of writing then it's bad...). The writing keeps the reader interested in your story and attached to it. And there's the comedy, which can be seen. Even by me (I'm not a guy with the brightest sense of humor.) So, the writing and the style are okay. If I start looking for something bad in it, it's that you don't really point out peoples sayings. All dialogues should be on separate lines.


He looked behind him just to see his friend standing there with a flashlight pointing to his face

"Jesus, you scared me!" He yelled as he punched his friend to the shoulder.

"Weren't that the whole point of it?" The friend answered. (end)

Though, if it's some reminiscence of what someone said in a middle of a sentence, then it doesn't have to be so.

Then there's the story, which isn't clearly indicated here. You should plan things ahead. Now your story seems like a collection of thoughts, which would be okay for a intro, when you'd want the reader to know some backgrounds to the story, but in this case, where the actual story have already begun, it's no good.

So, keep it up and plan things ahead. I'll be sure to read another story from you, if it would be more convincing. Keep it up with the writing and style.


"The subject of infinite armpit jokes", Risukasa