|Reviews for Naruto is Agent maelstrom license to thrill|
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/27
| Sao4life chapter 2 . 8/14/2014
Loved the lemon hope you update this story
| HyperA1985 chapter 2 . 12/29/2013
Are you going to do chapter 3 or can I adopt this story?
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/10/2012
| Melissa chapter 2 . 10/4/2012
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| JJP123 chapter 2 . 8/5/2012
| mattcun chapter 2 . 10/12/2011
plz write more
| Uzumaki kamikaze Jesus chapter 2 . 8/30/2011
| dragonheart967 chapter 1 . 8/16/2011
I'm sorry to say man, but, I wasn't even able to finish this chapter, the grammar was so bad. The way you put the dialog is just weird, for lack of a better word.
If you need help, I am pretty good with dialog, but if you want a quick tip, try this: Think of how the person would talk while in the situation. From what I read, you were writing down the whole story is a cramp, one length sentence. Half the stuff you said could have been brought up a bit later in the chapter and increase the chapter length.
You also tend to limit detail to the bare minimum, like when you introduced Naruto, all you said was a pony tail. What's that? that it? Nothing else that makes up his being. BE DISCRIPTIVE, because it's the small things in a story that makes it good.
| omally-dood chapter 1 . 7/23/2011
ok so far everything before (Fourteen years later Woohp agency headquarters) was kinda lame like how jerry just up and decided he was gonna adopt him (u could have had them get 2 know each other first) but the lamest part out of it all was the hole destined mate crap i mean come on also please dont be makeing this a harem because that really does not work in the world he is in know (it may work in the naruto world but not hear) and the all purpose communicator lets them speak animal language come on tho i do like chapter 2 tho kinda odd
| XKhaosXKyuubiX chapter 2 . 7/19/2011
Spawn the fallen one,
Well... The lemon seemed a bit rushed. and the dialogue was a little tough to decipher. But if you want a Beta/Lemon consultant, I'm open for the job.
| Silber D. Wolf chapter 2 . 7/9/2011
chapter was amazing, incredible as Naruto resolved the problems, I can not wait for the upgrade was worth the wait, great fight, it's your best story, the sex scene was great, I hope to see Naruto in action, I never tire of looking at history, is the best story I read beyond
| Kyuubi16 chapter 2 . 6/26/2011
Sorry to say but fromt his writing I'm doubting you're older then sixteen man. Get a beta and those 7 reviewers who are saying this is good. I'm afraid they seem to tell this to everyone and I have nothing against them, but their reviews won't help you be a better writer as they won't point out what needs to be fixed. It looks like they'll accept and read anything and that only hurts people in the long run as they let people think they're better then they are.
| Kyuubi16 chapter 1 . 6/26/2011
Sorry to say but the dialogue is hard to read...meaning pretty bad. Also you have a lot of punctation and spelling errors not to mention you really need to work on your grammar.
Did I mention the generic evil knoha treats Naruto and he is saved/arrived in another dimension is been done to death?
You should get a beta and reevaluate how you want to handle this fic. My words might be harsh but at least they're truthful.
| Silber D. Wolf chapter 1 . 6/24/2011
hahahaha very funny