|Reviews for Birth Of A Savior|
| Spidey2 chapter 4 . 6/9
HOTT! Keep going!
| somenewguy chapter 4 . 4/28
But why cliff hanger why leave me hanger. Hi I am some new guy and I like to read and be a critic with constrictive criticism. First let me say you have the right, freedom, work ethic, and fan base to take anything I say as B.S.
With that said lets start the review. Lets start off easy..you got a nice balance of story progression, drama, character development, and face it smut, to keep readers interest in it. But you also got a fair amount of spelling and grammar errors. A simple way to fix it is to get a buddy or fellow writer to read ur story out loud to u. You as the writing have everything in your head so your brain may translate ur mistakes for u as u read so u wont notice them. But another read would...easy pessy. Now then. The big stuff. I love the idea of for a lack of a better term "growing" Naruto up to fit size and scale of the older women he is dating since he is just 15. That part of the transformation is cool I get it. It scales him to size without actually forcing his character to change. The wrings r a bit much for me. Sure symbolism for holy savior nice an easy just slap on wings right. But I think of the practical problems ..like waking up with a bunch of feathers in your mouth , trying to sit down in the bathroom. What about stretching them out when u wake up and ur wings knock over and break ur favorite ramen bowl. The kinda thongs I assume one would have to adjust too. Other then that the bloodline is fine. Last tid bit I have is it looks like ur throwing a really big net of story but ur spacing is to big. Let me translate real quick. You got Naruto main guy doin right that's cool that's fine it flows. But ur side characters r getting kinda lost in the mess...tsuande is going to do this shizune is hiding the truth, tsume and Hana r doing this, but yugito has do that and bam suddenly samui. Where does it all tie together. Correct me if I am wrong but this is a romance fanfic of Naruto and not a long complex work of a Naruto game of thrones concept where we dont get to fully know all the consequences of season 1 till season 5 right? *says in playful jest* short version is alot is happing but not alot outside of Naruto is progressing. You could have stories within ur stories potentially here... Anyway that's a classic long winded reveiw from me. I am somenewguy . Keep smiling and keep writing...cant wait to see what happens next...o look angry flamers'...i got the water bucket...whose got the noodles
| narunel fan 22 chapter 4 . 10/24/2014
Its getting really good and I can't wait to find out what happens next
| LadyEudave05 chapter 4 . 8/16/2014
Plz update soon
| L.E.A.H437 chapter 4 . 3/10/2014
Holy LORD death Kushina's ALIVE !
| TrapBlade chapter 1 . 2/1/2014
this ever going to be updates or you just going to leave it dead?
| snake1980 chapter 1 . 1/17/2014
man the first chapter how can I say this hot as hell. cant wait to see what u put in chapter 2.
| rick chapter 4 . 11/26/2013
| hellfire45 chapter 4 . 5/15/2013
make more chapters you can't just stop there
| Oghma Infinium chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
| xdragon leader chapter 4 . 1/21/2013
write more please it is a rare pairing
| Danny R chapter 4 . 7/16/2012
You need a another chapter my friend.
| Jonathan-L-Seig chapter 4 . 2/25/2012
| Ofunu chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
I don't even need to finish reading this, by how you are going about this story it's clear you have never been in an actual relationship and are basing it only on idealized stereotypes you can find in any shoujo manga and crappy love novels.
| Zalucard chapter 2 . 12/26/2011
Ok first of all not trying to flame you are put you down. You have a great read here but from. A readers perspective there is a lot you need to work on. First your grammar is horrible i can barely understand what's going on most of the time which brings is to your second problem the speed of the story itself it's just confusing overall and it makes me lose interest